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On And On
By A.M. Glass Copyright: April 2nd-April 23, 2001. Rating: ‘PG’ a mild case of PG if I might add. Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox Studios, Mutant Enemy, et al, have something to do with “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story along with any/all original characters are the sole property of the author and can not be used without expressed permission first. Song Fic Alert: The song in question is called, “Another Song” and its written by the following people: John Paul Daniel, Monty Powell, Doug Pincock and Jule Medders. It’s sung by Bryan White and can be found on his Greatest Hits CD from Asylum Records. Angst Alert: That along with internal dialogue. Spoilers: None, but I must say that although I just recently finished the story, I began it back on April 2nd of this year, and therefore long before last weeks’ episode, “The Body.”
“Are you sure we should leave him alone?” Xander asked as he watched Giles walking up the lane that led away from the bed and breakfast inn they were staying at. “He won’t do anything to himself,” Anya answered, hugging Xander closer, noticing that she had been doing that a lot lately. “How can you be so sure?” he said, looking down at his wife, then back to the retreating figure. Anya sighed, “I just do. He has to come back. She’d… they need him, and he’ll realize that soon.” Xander nodded, trusting Anya would be right. “Do you want some ice tea?” he asked looking at her. “Okay,” she replied, taking one last look at Giles, his hands tucked into the pockets of his coat. Going inside and heading into the kitchen, Anya grabbed two tall glasses, and wondered why Giles wanted to wear his coat, especially since they were experiencing a heat wave. Then, just as suddenly, she remembered how she felt when she first heard the news: cold. ‘Maybe he still feels cold?’ she thought, while pouring the tea into the glasses. ‘Will I always feel cold if…’ she shuddered and quickly looked at Xander who was sitting at the kitchen table staring at his hands, as if they held answers to questions that had no business being asked. “Xander…” she whispered. He looked up and saw tears coursing down her face. He stood up and walked over to her and took her into his arms. “What’s wrong?” he asked wondering what could have caused this sudden display of emotions. “Don’t leave me,” she told him, her tears blinding her. “I won’t, I promise,” he told her as he held her tighter. “You can’t promise me that,” she said, gripping him harder. “You’re right An… I can’t,” he answered. “But, I’ll be here for as long as I can. You have to believe that,” he said. “Take me to our room,” she whispered into his neck. He nodded and together they went upstairs and reaffirmed their bond… Their love for each other, both knowing that Willow would have approved. I used to sing to her… It used to make her smile. Giles knew that his friends; his family were worried about and for him. He also knew that they were also grieving and the pain he felt was being shared. He let his thoughts drift, mildly surprised to find himself thinking about Xander. And how he must be feeling, how he had found he had a growing respect for the suddenly mature young man.
She knew all the He continued his solitary walk, going past the large oak tree where he had finally managed to work up the courage to propose to her. He smiled briefly, thinking back to when Willow told him, ‘It’s about time,’ and that if he hadn’t done it soon, she would have had to have taken the bull-by-the-horns and popped the question herself. He didn’t bother to stop the tears from falling this time, he had enough of being the strong one. How he’d push his feelings down and continue to be the one everyone turned to. Willow had taught him the value of letting go. In letting someone else take on the load. How she made him laugh with small gestures that caught him off guard. How it was okay to cry… In happy times… Such as his wedding… The birth of his children… Their children. Their anniversaries... When he walked Buffy, and then surprisingly enough, Anya down the aisle. He had honestly thought that Anya was pulling his leg, until Willow spoke with him one night. She had explained, as he was the closest in age as Anya’s father had been, that she didn’t think he’d mind. ‘After all, he did it for Buffy… and… and I’m older. Therefore he should respect my request.’ She had huffed privately to Willow. Putting it that way, he could not refuse. I’d sing ‘Love Me Tender… ‘Always and Forever’… ‘Hold Me Baby All Night Long.’ He didn’t think he ever find anyone quite like Willow, nor would he even consider trying. I could go on and on… But that’s another song. He walked down the lane as his thoughts continued to fly back in time. We used to go for walks… On a country road like this. They had shared many strolls in and around Sunnydale, whenever they had a chance. At first, it was just the two of them, taking solace in each other’s company, rarely speaking about things that were plaguing the city at the moment. This was their time, their moment of peace in the volatile world they lived in. It had started off that way, and with the birth of their children, their reasons for the walks changed. They wanted to show the beauty of their home. To make sure the children would always appreciate what they had, and never to take it for granted. They had both decided; after much soul searching, that when the children were older, they would be brought into the other world they also lived in. To do otherwise would have put their lives in peril. It’s funny… All the small things you miss. He smiled wistfully, as he thought back to the small tokens Willow would leave for him to find in various places, such as inside his briefcase, or his coat pockets. Things that would remind him of a certain time or place, each item containing it’s own story. A colorful seashell-reminded him of a trip to the beach where their son, Ian, was conceived. He had asked her about it when he got home. ‘It’s the very same shell that kept poking you in the side… you remember, that time at the beach. When everyone was at the bonfire and we…’ He could recall her laughter lighting up the room when he blushed as he remembered exactly what they doing. Of course, Ian had practically passed out when he finally read the letter his mother had left for him. He had given the shell, which had been placed inside, back to him. ‘I… I think you should keep it Dad,’ Ian had told him looking decidedly pale.
Like putting pennies The way you brushed your hair back. He loved watching her brush her hair at night, and at times he would do this for her. He enjoyed the way her hair felt in his hands. Her eyes would close and she would smile in such a way that he sometimes forgot to breathe. The sun on your face. He didn’t think he’d ever forget the first time he awoke and found her in his bed, how the sun touched her skin… Making her ethereal… An Angel made flesh and blood. How he knew he wasn’t dreaming yet again, that she was really there. He was filled with so much love for her at that very moment, that he knew if he died, he would have already have been to Heaven. And anything else would have been commonplace. I wish I were there today… But that’s another place. He sighed as he stopped by the small lake that was on the property. He looked across the mirror finish and wondered why he was still here… Breathing… Alive. When his very reason for living… Wasn’t. There didn’t seem anything for him to do. Oh, the way I used to hold her Her touch was something he needed. He missed the ones that weren’t sexual in nature, even if she could reduce him to a blithering fool for her heated touch. No… He missed the brief contacts… The way she would touch him on his arm; while they were shopping for groceries, pointing out an item she wanted him to get. How she would lean into him when she heard something funny, holding on to him until she was able to get her laughter under control. How she would caress his face… Just because she wanted to… And because, she could. The things I should have told her. There were many things he should have said to her. How he honestly thought he’d have more time. Time to tell her how much she had done for him. How he would have never have known what it was like to have unconditional love without her and the children. How he never knew what kind of man he would become after he had married her. How much he loved her. That she was… “NO!!!” he cried out, sinking to his knees. “Not her… please!! I beg you… not her!!” he shouted to the heavens. If I could make the clock unwind He would have done anything to have brought her back to him. And in his desperation he had contemplated contacting Ethan Rayne. He knew Ethan had contacts. He knew it could possibly cost him his soul, but he would have gladly given it up for her. It had taken every ounce of strength he possessed to purge those thoughts from his mind. He realized that it wouldn’t be her. It would have been an aberration, and he could not do that to her. Back to when she was mine… But that’s another time. Their time had passed and he had come here with the others to make peace with himself. For not being there when she needed him most. When she… Died. “Dad?” “Go back Kathryn… I’ll be along in a moment or two,” he answered without looking back to his sixteen-year old daughter. “I’ll stick around, if you don’t mind,” she replied, walking closer to him, yet giving him the space she knew he needed. Giles brushed the tears from his face and stood up slowly, and took a long breath. “As a matter-of-fact, I do,” he told her, his voice hoarse. “Well then… do something about it,” his daughter challenged. “Kathryn…” “No Dad. Do something… anything… please,” she said haltingly. “I… I don’t want to lose you too Daddy,” she said determined to keep from breaking down in front of him. He looked at his daughter and his heart broke once more, for although Ian favored his mother, Giles knew that it was Kathryn who had inherited Willow’s spirit, her fire for life. Willow would have been doing the same thing, forcing him back into the land of the living. Oh, the way I used to hold her. He brought her into his arms and hugged her tightly, placing his head on top of hers. He felt her body shaking as she gave into the tears she had also been holding back. He knew that Kathryn was trying her best to be strong for him, trying not to be a burden, giving him one less thing to worry about. The things I should have told her. “Don’t let time slip pass you Kathryn. Don’t let it,” he whispered. If I could make the clock unwind. He would have done things differently… Back to when she was mine. “Let’s go,” he told his daughter, who slowly released her grip, but kept one arm wrapped around his waist. But that’s another time. He knew he would live beyond this pain, Willow would demand no less of him. I could go on and on… And on… “Kathryn… have I ever told you about the time your Mother and I…” his voice gathering strength as they walked back. But that’s another song. The End.
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