Title: Who, What, Why, Where, When?
Author: Haggis
Series: 5W’s
Pairing: W/G
Rating: Starts off slushy, gets a bit naughty in the middle and for the remainder of the series (18 I guess?)
Author’s Email: neeps.tatties47@ntlworld.com
Summary: Giles loses his memory and wakes up with some interesting new ideas about the group dynamics
Disclaimer: Mr Whedon and those nice people at Mutant Enemy didn’t give their permission for any part of my little fantasy world where Willow and Giles finally get together.
Feedback: Gratefully received – I get pitifully excited when mail appears in my in-box
Beta Reader: Jerri – thanks for all of the encouragement and suggestions – I’m still working on raunching up the sexy stuff!
Authors Notes: Takes place after the end of season 4. Anya and Riley are in the background, mainly because I can’t write anything funny enough for Anya or bland enough for Riley! Tara never happened – I couldn’t deny the wonderful story line that Mr Whedon ran with so I just completely ignored it!
This started off as a short fic to test the waters – kind of got away from me and ended up 27 chapters long! Don’t start if you can’t be bothered finishing!
PS: Giles now has an extra bathroom en suite to his bedroom – don’t ask why – he just needs one there!!!!!
CHAPTER 1
The weight on his left leg was becoming uncomfortable. He tried squidging around to relieve the cramp but sighed as he realised that he was waking up because of it.
The room was quite bright, but a curtain shielded his eyes from the direct sunlight. He tried to reach over to the bedside table for his glasses and was confused when he couldn’t move his right arm.
He sighed again and raised his left arm to rub his face – he desperately needed a shave! This was some hangover and he promised himself that he wouldn’t touch the stuff again, for a while anyway. Where were his bloody glasses?
The sounds around him began to clear. A short gasp and then the pressure on his leg miraculously cleared. He removed his hand and looked at a beautiful young red head standing beside his bed. He ruefully decided that his taste in “morning after, hangover” women appeared to have improved over the years.
She appeared to be staring at him and he asked her if she was alright. This prompted a small exclamation and a dash to the other side of the bed from the woman, who then disappeared out of the door and set off running up the corridor….. corridor….? Since when did he have a corridor outside his bedroom? Other details began to penetrate the haze, in a short-sighted kind of way. He was in a bed with metal sides and he couldn’t move his right arm because it was taped up and connected by tubes to a large metal stand next to the bed.
This was really very confusing and he realised slowly that he wasn’t hung-over but in a hospital bed – how the hell had he landed here and more importantly – who was the gorgeous red head he had just scared off?
Willow had fallen asleep reading a translation of an ancient Sumerian text, the book had been very heavy mentally and literally! This was the third week of the vigil schedule and she had agreed to do nights this week – Buffy needed to patrol and Anya had shanghaied Xander.
She had woken slowly, finally aware that the movement of the legs she was lying across was disturbing her sleep. She had yawned and stretched before she remembered where she was and had stared in astonishment as he rubbed his eyes and then asked her if she was alright.
This was the first sign of life for three weeks and he had asked if she was alright? Her first thought was to hug him, but she quickly remembered the Doctor's stern warning to notify him of any changes immediately. Well this was certainly a change and, without any more thought, she headed at top speed for the door and the nurse's station.
After breathlessly explaining that he was waking up she dashed back to the room to see him bemusedly looking at the drip stand and trying to move his right arm.
She took a deep breath and was about to ask how he was when he turned to look at her and smiled – her heart stopped. She stood, completely unable to overcome the emotion of having him back. She suddenly realised she was staring at him with tears streaming down her face. His face fell and he looked worried.
The girl had finally returned to the room just as he was trying to work out how to remove the tape and free his arm. He was glad to see her back and was about to ask where he was when she started to cry. It wasn’t great sobbing, gulp-y crying but just tears streaming down her face. “Are you sure you’re alright” he asked her “what’s wrong?” She moved closer to the bed and touched his arm, as if making sure he was really there. Then she smiled. With the fickleness that only young women can hope to achieve, the smile lasted for about ten seconds before the frown started, first at her forehead but rapidly spreading to the lower half of her face.
“Don’t you ever do that to me again Rupert Giles, you, you…… bastard !!!!”
Now it was back to the crying. He wasn’t sure what to react to first – he had returned her smile and then cringed from the ferocity of the verbal attack. Before he could think of a suitable rejoinder she stormed out of the room, muttering about phoning the others.
Still bemused and finding a headache building at the back of his neck, he was relieved to see a doctor arrive – now was the time for some answers.
“Where am I?”
“What is wrong with me?”
“Who was that beautiful woman and what have I done to make her shout at me?”
“WHERE ARE MY BLOODY GLASSES?”
Doctor Alexander took a deep breath and checked his usual stream of calming platitudes. He remembered that Rupert was a regular attendee and had probably heard them all a thousand times anyway. With a smile he moved closer to the bed and began removing the tape on the IV tubes.
“First of all, stop bloody shouting in my bloody ward” he took the sting out of the remark with a smile. “You are such a grumpy sod whenever you come out of a concussion!” Rupert closed his mouth on the rejoinder and waited.
“Thank you, you are in a ward of Sunnydale General suffering from a particularly severe case of concussion”. The tape had all been removed now and he signalled the nurse to begin removing the IV’s from his arm.
“You have been unconscious for just over three weeks and we really must talk about a more suitable hobby for a man of your age as I dread to think what the next head trauma will do to you!”
The nurse finished her task and he absently thanked her – “No problem Rupert, nice to have you back with us“ she said to him.
“That will be all Nurse Stevens” the doctor sighed “You really do have a most disconcerting effect on the female staff here Rupert!”
“Now where was I? Oh yes, the 'beautiful woman' was of course the long suffering Willow and she was 'pissed off' with you because she had pulled the night shift this week and has been stuck watching you sleep while trying to believe that you would survive to “fight” another day”
At this point the Doctor appeared to get a little angry and the banter seemed less playful. Rupert smiled a little as he realised that the Doctor was jealous of Willow’s attention to him.
“And finally, your bloody glasses are where we always keep them, in the top drawer of the nightstand!” With this the Doctor reached over and took them out, handing them with a flourish to the bewildered patient. “Anything else before I get you some water?” asked the Doctor.
“Just one small thing………… well no, actually two” mumbled the patient “Who the hell are you and who the hell is Rupert?”
Willow had agreed to meet the others at the front entrance and stood in the morning sun trying to calm down. Why was she so upset when he appeared to be awake and well again? She told herself that she was being silly but knew that she was simply reacting to the release of three weeks of nerve jangling tension over Giles’s fate.
He had received the head trauma during their last big battle and, although they had been victorious, the thrill of saving the world was wearing a little thin by now. Everyone had been quite beaten up, physically and mentally, and they had assumed that Giles would recover after a few hours in the emergency room, as usual.
After the second day he had been moved to his own room and the waiting had begun. The tests all showed the damage you would expect from a head injury with a blunt instrument and none of the doctors even bothered acting surprised at the “softball accident” explanation any more. There hadn’t been anything unusual about this injury except the fact that it was the last of a long line of “sporting” injuries. All of the experts agreed he would come round in his own time.
Three weeks later and the schedule had been running to allow someone to be with him at all times. She was just glad it had been her that he had seen first, however, she couldn’t think why she had shouted at him!
Buffy arrived in record time, with Xander just behind her. They both hugged Willow and a babble of questions started about Giles. She silenced them all and explained, with a mumble, that the doctors were with him but he seemed fine. Buffy looked quizzically at Willow and said “There’s something you’re not telling us Will – you should be happy about this but you look as if you’ve just been told the horrible truth about the tooth fairy!” Willow tried to deny it, but eventually they wheedled it out of her about her outburst.
Xander laughed until they thought they were going to have to get oxygen for him. “You wait three weeks for the guy to wake up then, when you are supposedly sooooo happy to see him recovered, you call him a ba..ba..” he started to laugh again.
Willow’s lip trembled and Buffy said soothingly “It is pretty funny, but not that funny “ with this she punched Xander's arm “Why do you think you wigged out on him and where did you learn such language?” Buffy had tried to sound all “parenty” about the last part and this finally made Willow see the amusing side of the situation.
“OK, OK you guys, I don’t know why I swore at him, but I was just so scared this time and I don’t know that I ever want to go through that again”.
“None of us do Will” said Buffy “So let's go and see the old delinquent and explain the finer points of 'ducking' to him”.
Doctor Alexander was at the nurse's station on the phone when the gang arrived on the ward. He signalled to them to stop and they looked worriedly at each other. “If you could just ask them to come as soon as possible” he finished saying before putting the phone down and ushering them to the waiting area. “I need to talk to all of you before you go in to see him”
“What’s wrong” asked Willow, clutching at the doctor’s sleeve “He was OK a minute ago”.
“He’s fine” said the Doctor, extricating himself “But we seem to have a rather unusual side effect this time”.
This sobered the three into silence and they sat while the doctor paced in front of them slightly. Buffy smiled to herself thinking that this was exactly what Giles used to do and she wondered if there was an Advanced Pacing Class at Oxford.
The Doctor looked up at the three of them and seemed to make a decision. “What do you know about amnesia?” he asked.
“I can’t remember” flashed back Xander and then looked bashfully around the group as they all glared at him.
“Amnesia” began Doctor Alexander “can occur in many forms dependant upon the root cause”
“Wait a minute” interrupted Buffy “Before you go into three hour lecture mode, is Giles OK!”
“He is, and I’m sorry but it appears that he has some kind of amnesia” explained the Doctor. “While he is physically OK, he has lost his memory of more recent events”
“What”, “When”, “How” began the three friends until the Doctor silenced them with his raised hands. “I can’t be any more specific right now until we carry out some psychological tests, but, at the moment he doesn’t remember his name nor where Sunnydale is”
The three looked on stunned and Willow grabbed Buffy’s arm for support. Buffy absently stroked Willow's hand and asked “This isn’t the drugs you’ve been giving him?”
“No, we haven’t been giving him any medication for a couple of weeks now” explained the doctor “just fluids through the drip to keep him hydrated”.
“Can we see him?” asked Willow
“Sure, but you have to remember he is a little confused and, and…” he stumbled over the right phrase.
“Wierded out” supplied Xander.
“Yes” he said with a smile “wierded out right now. Perhaps you could just explain that you are his friends but don’t go into too much detail just yet, the psychologist will be here quite soon and then you’ll need to leave us alone for the rest of the day”. He smiled round the three friends and wondered, yet again, what Rupert did that engendered such loyalty from this strange band of youngsters. He couldn’t remember being this emotionally attached to his librarian three years after he left school!
Giles sighed, this day had started quite well and fallen away rapidly. He shook his head ruefully and then regretted it. “Damn” he swore under his breath, closing his eyes and lying back “I forgot to ask for something for this headache”.
He opened his eyes as he heard shuffling feet and a small cough. “Hello” he said “are you OK?” he asked as the red head appeared again, this time with an attractive blonde and an anxious looking young man. She gulped and smiled back at him “Yes, I’m, we’re fine Ru…”.
“It’s OK” he said with a sigh “the doctor told me that my name is Rupert”. They all stood around awkwardly until he said “he also told me that you are Willow and you’ve been watching over me?”
This time both the red head and the blonde burst into tears and ran from the room leaving the startled looking young man staring at the startled looking older man. “Glad to see you haven’t lost your magical touch with the ladies G-Man” sighed Xander. “OK, where do I start?” He took pity on the patient “The red head is Willow, the blonde is Buffy and I’m Xander”. This didn’t seem to resolve very much so he started again “You were our librarian and we still hang together?”
Giles held up his hand to forestall any further “explanations”. “Please, just a couple of questions before you go on?” Xander nodded his head and sat on the chair beside the bed. “Why do these girls keep crying whenever I open my mouth and why on earth did you call me 'G Man' ?”.
Xander grinned "G Man because you’re last name is Giles and, well, it just kind of stuck with you” he smiled a bit sheepishly “and I am the wrong person to ask about the mysteries of women, put it down to hormones or something!” Just as he made this stern pronouncement Buffy and Willow re-entered the room and stared at him. He went a bit green around the gills and pointed to Giles “He keeps making you cry not me!”
“Xander enough” Willow said with authority. “Rupert, I’m sorry but we are all just really glad to see you feeling better” and she smiled at him.
He smiled back and she got the heart stopping, stomach lurching feeling again.
Buffy walked over to the bed and hugged him, with the others joining in. “Glad you’re back Rupert, we really missed you” she said. “Apart from the “memory losing” thing how are you feeling?”
“Actually I have a bugger of a headache but I think the hug helped” he grinned. The quizzical look between the three passed him by as they all hugged again.
Doctor Alexander entered and asked that they leave him and Rupert alone so that they could sort out the upcoming tests.
Buffy looked at the other two as they stood in the corridor. “Bugger of a headache” she asked incredulously. “Even when battling the worst that demon hell can send us I have never heard Giles swear and be flippant about it in the same sentence!”
“Must be hanging around with rough women” said Xander and stared pointedly at Willow.
“Xander!” squealed Willow and chased him down the corridor. Nurse Stevens looked up from the nurse's station and raised her eyebrows at Buffy, who just shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. The Nurse smiled and wondered, yet again, what Rupert did that engendered such loyalty from this strange band of youngsters?
The gang meeting took place in Giles’ apartment. Buffy was making coffee for everyone while Willow gathered some clothes to take back to the hospital.
“I know Doctor Alexander seemed fairly convinced that this was amnesia” said Buffy “but suppose it’s a bit more, well, demony?”
“How do you mean?” asked Willow, dumping a suitcase at the front door.
“Well, go with me here, but we haven’t exactly been used to simple medical explanations for strange stuff before, have we?” Buffy suggested.
Xander continued eating his twinkie and said “It had to happen eventually, I mean, how many times did he take shots to the head even just in training with you?”
Buffy looked a bit subdued “I did try to make sure he wore the helmet but you know what he was like”
“Why are we talking about him in the past tense?” asked Willow abruptly. “Giles is fine and he will recover” suddenly the resolve left her face “won’t he?”
“Sure he will” said Xander.
“Yeah, sure he will” agreed Buffy. But all I’m saying is, perhaps we should be checking for…….”
“Amnesia demons” suggested Xander.
“Yeah, one of them” said Buffy.
“All right” sighed Willow “I’ll do the research, you take his clothes to the hospital”. Her lip trembled a bit at the mention of the “R” word but she shook herself and called after them “tell him I packed his razor, I noticed he needed a shave last night”. Xander and Buffy rolled their eyes and left Willow to hit the books and laptop.
The headache had lapsed a little and allowed him a chance to doze. The last three hours had been quite disconcerting.
The psychologist had spent a couple of hours going over basic memory tests to try to gauge what type of amnesia he had and what was the last thing he definitely remembered. He had lost his temper a couple of times with the effort of trying to remember the easy stuff, his present address or phone number, but could tell them the makeup of the England cricket and rugby teams. This had caused some confusion with an American psychologist and several minutes had been spent explaining the number of members in each team. Doctor Alexander had helped and was pretty sure that Rupert had an excellent memory for all of this up until about six years previously.
Doctor Alexander and the psychologist had collaborated for some time after they left Giles to get some rest. They were both worried at the apparent lack of "concern" Giles was showing over his current situation, he was angry more than anything else and they both expected some emotional fallout before much longer.
Giles sighed, despite Doctor Alexander’s assurances that he was “physically” alright, he couldn’t remember anything of the last six years. His last memories were of being in London and working for the museum. He smiled to himself, he also remembered a very attractive research assistant and wondered what had happened to her? He sighed and shook himself out of the listless feeling. At least he was OK and he would spend the next few weeks sorting the rest out, after all he was getting memories back already. He could remember his name now and he could tell the psychologist his date of birth and personal details from years before. He had been silent on the matter of family or friends from England that they had wanted to contact. He couldn't imagine how he had ended up in America but he was either here on Watcher Council business or he was trying to get away from them and, either way, he didn't want them knowing of his present condition. As soon as he was feeling a little less "wobbly" he would find a library and check out any magical options for the return of his memory. In the meantime he would take each day as it came and try not to alert anyone from back home.
Doctor Alexander passed by the door just as Giles sighed again. “How you coping old man?” he asked with a hint of sympathy in his tone.
Giles grinned, he instinctively liked this man. “Do you speak to all of you’re memory impaired patients in that derogatory tone?” he asked.
“Only the ones who can remember the best watering holes around Oxford”. Giles looked puzzled and Doctor Alexander settled on the chair next to the bed “I did my medical training at Oxford before emigrating out here” he explained. “We met a few times when you came in for treatment, or accompanied someone else, and got talking about the old country”
Giles smiled “You make it sound like I am a regular visitor here, do librarians make up most of your regular intake?”
Alexander smiled a little ruefully “Not so as you would notice” he conceded. “But then you were never a regular librarian”. Giles looked a little confused and was about to ask more questions when the Doctor stood up and patted his arm “I’m afraid I can’t tell you any more because I genuinely don’t know what you get up to outside this place” he indicated the building surrounding them. “Perhaps when you regain your memory over the next few weeks or months you will take pity on a poor doctor and come back in to tell me?”
Giles smiled a little weakly and nodded. Yes this day was definitely getting stranger and stranger.
A couple of days later Doctor Alexander had Buffy and Xander sitting in an office at the hospital. They were trying to look like responsible adults and he sighed as the pretence kept slipping. “Look” he said “You are the only family that Rupert has, or at least that he is admitting to!” He stressed the words and tried to look sternly at them. “You need to make me believe that it is safe to release him into your care and that you won't allow him to have any more “sporting injuries” in the near future”. He couldn't keep up the stern countenance as they looked so guilty. “I know you all care for him, but he does seem to be more accident prone than your average librarian” he smiled “He just needs to get back into his regular routine, be around people who know him well and the memories will return over the next few months.” He looked up as there was a small tap on the door “Come in” he said. “Ah, Willow, I'm glad you could get here so quickly”. He understood that, while Buffy and Xander would do anything he suggested to help Rupert, Willow was the one who would “understand” the importance of what he was saying. “I was just explaining the healing process to Buffy and Xander”.
“Do you know what kind of amnesia he has yet?” she asked.
“Yes, we're fairly sure he is suffering from retrograde amnesia brought about by several head traumas over the years, culminating in the final, quite severe one he received last month”
“That means he remembers stuff from years ago and stuff from when he woke up but has lost the space in between?” she asked.
“You've been reading up Willow” he admonished and laughed at her blush “yes, it means he has lost approximately six years. As far as he is concerned he fell asleep in London in 1994 and woke up, with a headache, in Sunnydale in 2000 without having any idea what happened in between.”
"And it's definitely amnesia?" Buffy asked. Although Dr Alexander answered in the affirmative she didn't seem convinced until Willow nodded slightly in agreement.
“The point is” he carried on, noting their crestfallen and worried faces “Sufferers from this particular form of amnesia usually get memories back, either piecemeal or in quite large swathes, for most of the period they have lost”
“You mean” asked Buffy “that he'll eventually remember how he got from London to here and what he's been er.. up to.. for the last six years?”
“That's it” he said, trying to lift their spirits ”and his memories will be best triggered by getting him back to his normal routine as quickly as possible. In fact he will probably remember everything right up to the actual incident that caused his head trauma!” he looked at them severely “Which brings me back to the point I was making when Willow joined us”
Buffy and Xander looked at the floor again but Willow looked straight into his eyes “What do you need us to do” she asked.
“I need you to look after him and make sure he doesn't suffer from any further head injuries and also keep an eye out for any symptoms of remaining trauma”.
“Like headaches and stuff?” asked Buffy
“Sort of, but also personality changes and any unusual behaviour you wouldn't expect from the Rupert you know” he explained.
“Don't worry” Willow nodded “We'll do everything we need to to get our Giles back again”.
He was struck by the force of will behind this statement but never doubted her intent or abilities for a moment. He had always been jealous of the relationship between Rupert and Willow and had often wondered at the possibility of trying to interest her in another Oxford graduate. He realised now from the look in her eyes that she would never waver from his side and he was glad that his friend had such a determined supporter.
Doctor Alexander helped Rupert on with his jacket. “You'll just have to trust them” he said “They know what your regular routines are and they are your best chance of getting your memory back as quickly as possible”
“Oh, all right” grumbled Giles “I just can't believe that in six years in this colony I haven't been able to come up with anything better than a group of ex-students as my life companions”
Willow stood in the doorway, devastated by his words. “Whenever you are ready Mr Giles” she ground out.
Both of the men looked crestfallen at the hurt in her face. Doctor Alexander was the first to speak “Rupert, when you have recovered from this experience I am personally going to trounce you for making her feel that way”.
“I don't seem to be able to do anything but make her cry and look upset” he said a little confusedly.
“If only you knew” whispered Doctor Alexander under his breath “if only you knew”.
The taxi journey home was a little fraught. Buffy and Xander had no idea why Willow was being so frosty towards Giles but they knew that something was wrong. To try to relieve the tension Xander started a discussion on what Giles had been up to in London.
“Did I enjoy the G-Man title before the head injury?” he enquired with a smile before answering any questions.
Xander looked a little embarrassed “Not really, you just kind of put up with it I guess”
“Perhaps you could all call me Rupert as I don't seem to be working with the faculty any more?”
“Doctor Alexander said we were to get you back to your normal routine” replied Willow frostily “That includes our childish jokes on your name …… Tweed Guy”
Even Buffy gasped. Why was Willow being so spiteful? “Let's do the rest of the journey in silent running mode, OK” she ordered and received nods all round. The taxi driver breathed a sigh of relief.
Upon entering the apartment Giles took some time to walk around and look at his furniture and books. Eventually he realised they were all standing in his doorway with baited breath. “I don't think it's going to come back that quickly” he said with a sad smile “Can someone show me the bedroom and bathroom?”
“I'll go” volunteered Xander and gave Buffy a stern look. She sighed and nodded, she would find out what was bugging Willow before they returned.
“Did he goose you in the lift?” she asked nonchalantly.
“What!” replied Willow, a very surprised look on her face.
“There must be some reason you're giving memory guy the frost bite treatment and that was the first one that came to mind. After all the dishy Doctor did say that he may act out of character for a while”
“I am not giving him frost bite” she angrily denied. She looked at Buffy and then a bit sheepishly at the floor “I'll put the kettle on”
“So if it wasn't the bottom pinch, what was it?” asked Buffy, following her into the kitchen.
“He was telling Doctor Alexander how disappointed he was in us”.
“No way”, “Way”, “No Way”, “WAY”
Xander was helping him put away his shaving kit and generally keeping him out of harms way to let Buffy do her stuff.
Giles opened the wardrobe to hang up his jacket and smiled to himself. “I can see that I rather dressed the librarian part”. Xander was about to make a comment when Giles put his palm to his forehead “Of course, Tweed Guy” he looked at Xander who merely shrugged his shoulders.
“Did I always make her so unhappy?” he asked, sitting down on the bed.
“Who?” asked Xander settling into the chair and putting his legs over the arm.
“Good god, tell me I didn't reduce every women I met to tears!”
“Oh, you mean Willow” the light dawned on Xander's face “I'm not sure if we are supposed to fill in the blanks for you or just let you get there by yourself“ he explained.
“Just tell me we weren't married or an item or something” pleaded Giles.
Xander took pity “Not exactly” and arched his eyebrows.
Giles looked at him and, after a moment, smiled “I think I was probably constantly exasperated with you”
Xander came down the stairs three at a time and startled the girls. “Giles remembered something, Giles remembered something”.
“What?” they both asked at the same time.
“How much he used to annoy me” smirked Giles from the top of the stairs. Everyone laughed and the tension was released a little.
Willow brought the tea through and they all sat down. Giles noticed that Buffy was staring at him rather intently.
He sighed and asked “Willow told you what she overheard, didn't she?”
“Kind of” replied Buffy “Normally I would threaten to punch you out for that kind of comment, but under the circumstances I'll let it pass for now!”
“What did you say to upset them?” enquired Xander, getting a little more protective of his ladies.
“Willow overheard me bemoaning my lack of em… attachments to Doctor Alexander”
“Something's detached?” asked Xander, and he looked to make sure that the ex-librarian was displaying the usual compliment of limbs.
Willow shook her head and said, a little exasperated “He means he was disappointed to wake up and find three college kids as his nearest and dearest.” Even as she finished the sentence her voice fell away and she looked seriously into her cup as if it contained the mysteries of the world.
Giles started to explain, then looked a little startled and stared at Buffy “Did you just threaten to punch me out?” he asked.
Buffy looked panicked and started a sentence several times before giving up and turning to Willow “Help!”
Willow smiled a little “You used to teach Buffy self defence and she was getting kinda good at it! Which brings us to the main point” Willow stood up and collected a notebook from the top desk drawer. “Doctor Alexander wanted you to get back to a normal routine as quickly as possible so we should get started planning for what's left of this week”
“Well, I guess Buffy should teach me some self defence if I'm to avoid any more head injuries!” Giles laughed.
Xander said “Jeez, you really don't remember training with her, do you?”
“Xander” shouted Buffy and threw a cushion at him “I didn't hurt him that often”
“Come on you guys, Giles needs his rest and we do have that “studying” planned for tonight.” Xander looked a bit blank then remembered the patrol planned for that night to the cemetery. “The quicker we can plan this out, the quicker we can leave Giles to his own peace and quiet”
Buffy and Xander looked inclined to ask Giles to continue his explanation of the earlier comment but a determined look from Willow quelled any further discussion.
Willow began drawing out a table in the notebook and allocating assignments “Xander, you can be chief tour guide to the delights of Sunnydale” Xander groaned
“Well, Giles does need to see all of the old haunts again and it will be a perfect way to break up your morning jogs and afternoon swimming sessions”
“Way to go G-Man” Xander grumbled “You get major concussion and bed rest for three weeks and I get respiratory failure on the running track”
Willow ignored him and continued filling in the spaces on her table “Buffy, I don't think Giles is quite ready for your full training sessions yet, but perhaps you could go easy on him with some gentle exercises, meditation and relaxation stuff to start with?”
Buffy grinned at Xander “Sure, I could sit down and chant with the guy if you insist” Xander threw the cushion back at her.
Throughout this exchange Giles sat staring at Willow with a slight smirk on his face. Finally he got up to refill his mug and, putting his hand on her shoulder, looked over at the notebook, “Which part of my body's rehabilitation do you get to be in charge of?” he asked.
Willow reddened a little and cleared her throat “I'm afraid I get your mind”
“Oh, don't be afraid” he smiled “It could turn out to be the most enjoyable part of the whole exercise, after all, it's the part that needs the greatest work out”
Willow couldn't help but return the extremely sexy smile and felt her stomach do that back flip thing again. He was flirting with her! “Dear God” she thought “What I wouldn't give to swap with Xander and see him every day in swim shorts!” With an extremely gratifying mental picture now stuck firmly in her mind, she completely missed most of the conversation that Buffy and Xander were having with her.
“Willow” they both shouted and threw cushions simultaneously.
Her mental picture faded as she came back to reality with a startled cry and looked confusedly at her companions “What's up?” she asked innocently.
Buffy and Xander groaned. “Just let Giles know that I'll be here tomorrow morning at 08:30 for some basic exercises and Xander will arrive at 10:30 to go swimming with him”.
Buffy signalled for Willow to follow her out the door and into the sunny courtyard. “Why are you going easy on him?” she asked “I thought we were supposed to be getting back to normal and, normally, you would have been the first to chew him out about this kind of stuff”
Willow sighed and shrugged “The only way we could explain to him about us being his “life companions” would be to remind him of Jenny and Olivia and how he lost both of them through his sense of duty.” Willow turned away, not wanting Buffy to see the sadness in her face but Buffy already knew how much his comment had hurt her. “I don't want him to remember his loneliness first” she sniffed “Its silly but I wanted his first memories to be his music or our prom or.. or..”
“Demons? Even that would be better than remembering everything he gave up for me” Buffy sighed. “You're right Willow, I'm sorry for trying to second guess you on this, I should know you're our resident Giles expert by now.” With a quick smile and hug she hurried to catch up with Xander.
Willow wandered back into the apartment, her mind a million miles away. She figured that by remembering as much about his life as she could, the memories were hers to keep safe until he needed them again.
Giles returned from the kitchen “Where did Laurel & Hardy go?” he asked.
“They had to get ready for some tests they're sitting tomorrow” Willow explained, a little distractedly. “Look I really should be going as well, Buffy said…”
“I heard, it's OK” Giles smiled once again and sank back into the sofa. He had one leg curled under him and an arm thrown across the back of the sofa. “Do you need to rush off?”
“Not really” she murmured and returned to sitting behind the desk and toying with the notebook and pen.
“Perhaps you would be more comfortable in the chair?” he asked, indicating the high backed armchair across from where he sat.
“No, I'm OK here thanks” she smiled weakly at him.
He sighed and shook his head “Look I really must apologise for the last couple of days!” she started to protest “No, honestly, I've been a complete boor and I can't let it go on without apologising for making you cry every time I open my stupid mouth”
“Nothing stupid has ever come out of your mouth” Willow said with considerable vehemence. “Whatever else you may have forgotten, you must remember that you are one of the most intelligent men I have ever met” she was on a roll and he gave up trying to interrupt her. “Not just book wisdom, although you have that in spades, but your compassion and understanding of people and their needs, your ability to say just the right thing at the right time, has always been your greatest strength!” she finished in a rush and blushed to the tips of her ears.
Giles was a little startled at the sudden outburst. “Saying the right thing at the right time? My God my recuperation could take years if the last couple of days are anything to go by!”
“Nonsense” said Willow recovering from her sudden tirade “We'll have you back in tweed in no time”
“What have I done to deserve a friend like you?” he wondered aloud, then looked seriously at her “No, I really wonder what I could possibly have done with myself in the last six years because I wasn't worthy of you or your friendship when I was in London”
Conscious that he was straying towards territory she wouldn't enter with him she moved over to sit in the chair and leaned forward “What were you like then, you never really told us much about your past” she explained.
“I'm not surprised really, for the early part of it I was a nasty piece of work and the last few years have been fairly uneventful” he explained, then stopped and thought for a moment. “My father wanted to em.. train me in the family business but I wanted to do something else”
She giggled and nestled back into the chair “A fighter pilot or a grocer” she laughed.
“Good God, yes” he laughed as well and she marvelled that she had heard his laugh so infrequently. “I'm surprised I admitted to that”
“Anyway” he sobered a little and took on a stern countenance and grumpy voice “A sense of responsibility, young man, that's what you lack” he sighed “That was dad's favourite line and he was right of course but it never appears so at the time”
“Tell me about it!” murmured Willow with painful memories of Oz and her father in the same room flitting through her mind.
Giles noticed the sadness had returned to her eyes and determined to inject some happiness there as quickly as he could.
“Anyway” he continued “I went about it the usual way, you know, to piss my dad off as much as possible, even left Oxford for a while”
Willow tensed, not sure how she would react to mention of Ethan or Ripper, but she needn't have worried.
“After kicking my heels for a while I finally decided that a good education at Oxford was actually something I wanted and chucking it all up just to upset my father was only proving his point for him.” He smiled and thought vaguely of warm Oxford afternoons. “Anyway, after I graduated I moved around various jobs and took some em.. additional vocational training” he contemporised “then the job at the British Museum came up and it suited me to a T” .
“Why?” asked Willow, revelling in the chance to ask questions that she had never had the time for before.
“Well it revolved around ancient artifacts and cataloguing an extensive collection of ancient texts” he laughed “Two of my three favourite things”
“What's the third thing?” she asked innocently
He cocked his head to the side and pondered what answer to give her. The truth was magic, of course, but he really liked her and didn't want to scare her off. “The English weather of course” and he smiled gratefully as she laughed.
“You always moan about the lack of rain and non stop sunshine” she giggled “You haven't changed that much”
He noticed that she finished the last sentence with a trace of relief in her voice. He guessed that she was glad she could still recognise her Giles in his present state.
Buffy marveled at the difference in her friend's physique in just four weeks. “Of course” she muttered to herself as she kept up with him on the circuit-training course “I wasn't really admiring his body before, but I'm pretty sure that butts a major improvement”. As he stopped to drink some water, bending over to pick up a towel, she whispered “Ohhhhh yesss, a definite improvement”
He realised she was staring at him, probably his butt again, and he smiled to himself. As she seemed to shake herself out of whatever daydream she was in, he laughed and pointed to his watch. “I beat you on time again.” He laughed even more at her very unladylike expletive.
“Not fair” she spluttered “You keep bending over to distract me”
“You should have more discipline” he said sternly, then laughed again as she threw her towel at him and stomped off to the showers.
Xander met them both in the juice bar and noted Buffy's unhappy bunny face. “You beat her again didn't you?” he accused Giles.
“I couldn't help it” Giles protested “I'm not going to train in one of those tweed suits just to stop her getting distracted!”
Xander laughed “That would only work with Buffy anyway, Willow always thought you were way sexy in tweed”
Buffy groaned and covered her eyes with her hand “Way to go secret squirrel, why don't you just give him the decoder ring while you're at it?”
Giles and Xander stared at each other and shrugged “Must be a hormone thing” they both nodded together and started to run as Buffy lifted her eyebrow and growled.
After a fairly leisurely swim, they returned to Giles' flat and made sandwiches for lunch.
“Listen Roop” Xander said as he munched through his third peanut butter and jelly sandwich “Can you let Willow know that Anya and I are going away for a long weekend next Thursday?”
“Sure” said Giles “But only if you stop calling me Roop” he laughed “I think I almost preferred G-Man”
Willow checked the directory board and headed for Doctor Alexander's office. She had only ever met him in the hospital before and was wondering what his consulting office would say about him – she firmly believed you could tell a lot about the quality of the Doctor by the age and type of magazines in their waiting room!
There wasn't anyone at the reception desk so she waited in the small adjoining room. She smiled to herself as she noticed a two month old golf magazine and a two day old Cosmopolitan. “Good combination” she murmured to herself “Not fixated on sport and sensitive to today's modern woman!”
She was making her way through the obligatory sex quiz in Cosmo when a small cough attracted her attention. “I'm sorry to disturb you in the middle of such vital college reading” Doctor Alexander smiled and shook his head as Willow jumped up and dropped the magazine guiltily.
She preceded him into his rooms and he took her jacket from her as he ushered her towards a chair. “Perhaps you would like a cup of tea?” he asked.
“Oh yes please Doctor Alexander” sighed Willow “I haven't had a decent cup of tea in weeks”.
“I promise the tea will be decent only if you call me Fraser, we're not on the hospital ward now you know!”
She smiled at him and said “Fraser, what a lovely name”
Bringing their tea over to his desk he sat behind it and opened up the top file of a large pile. “I'm sorry to take up your time, I can see you're busy” she stammered “Perhaps I could come back later on?” He looked a little bemused and then smiled “These aren't all of the patients on today's list” he smiled a little sadly “No, these are just Rupert's files”
“Oh My God!” Willow said weakly and slid back into the chair. “How many concussions has he had over the years?”
“It's not that bad” he explained “These go quite a way back to when he was in England and I retrieved them to check if he had a history of this kind of problem.” Willow seemed to relax a little. “Anyway” he continued “He is an old man you know, nearly….47” he said checking the front page of the top file.
“He is not an old man” Willow denied a little too strongly before she realised that he was teasing her. “I'm sorry” she mumbled a little chastened “I'm just tired and a bit down, that's all”
“I'm not surprised” he said, rounding his desk and taking her wrist to check her pulse. “Rupert told me all about the schedule, so when was the last time you had a proper meal and a good nights sleep?” he asked sternly.
She smiled up at him “Five weeks and four days ago” she announced proudly “At least I still have the strength to keep count” she finished and lifted her chin in a look of defiance.
Shaking his head and laughing he returned to his seat “I'm sorry, I know Rupert's condition is a worry for you, but it is important that you remain well to ensure his recovery!”
“I promise I'll look after myself better” she said, in a tone of voice normally reserved for promising Xander that she wouldn't pick a chick flick at the video store – he had seen Steel Magnolias nine times.
“Anyway” said Doctor Alexander with a sigh “What can I do for you today?”
“Well, you said you wanted to know if Giles was displaying any “unusual” symptoms” she started.
He sat forward eagerly “And is he?”
“It's kind of difficult to say really and it may be more of a feeling than anything specific, but then again you wouldn't expect this kind of thing to show up as a rash or anything, so I guess that when you said to us to keep an eye out for this kind of thing that this is the kind of thing you meant!” She finished in a rush and looked pleadingly at him.
“OK” he started “What you mean is that you've noticed some peculiar personality traits that you find unusual in your Rupert?”
“YES” she beamed at him “ Wow, you're really good at this stuff” she marveled
He laughed “OK, so cheer me up, tell me he's taken up skateboarding or surfing!”
“Not really” she laughed “Although he looks fit enough to do both” as she said this she got a mental picture of Giles in a wet suit and drifted off for a moment. Doctor Alexander's cough brought her back to earth. “Sorry” she mumbled. “Do they teach you that at Oxford?” she asked.
He looked puzzled and she smiled again “The cough, it just seems that only "old boys" can do that little “get on with it” cough!”
They both laughed and he said “So, tell me about Rupert”
“Well for one thing he's really into the gym training and exercise routine that Buffy and Xander have been doing with him, which is good, I mean he looks fabulous….. not that I've looked….well obviously I've seen but I definitely didn't look” she stumbled to a halt, obviously confused as to where the sentence had started.
“Willow, I know I said I wasn't busy today but I do have some appointments for tomorrow, if this is going to take much longer I may have to postpone them”
“Sorry, sorry, right back on track” she took a small notebook out of her pocket. “I've been kind of jotting stuff down as it came to me.” With a nod of his head he signaled her to carry on.
Willow arrived at his apartment shortly after two and said she had already had lunch. Xander, realising that he had kept Anya waiting, darted out.
Giles sighed and Willow looked over at him “Buffy training you too hard?”
“Not really” he smiled “I beat her in the time trials again today”
“Wow” she mouthed “I'm impressed, what did you do, tie her shoelaces together?”
“No!, as if I, an Englishman, would cheat” he raised himself to his full height in mock indignation “I bent over in my shorts a couple of times though” he admitted wryly.
“Giles!” Willow yelped “You didn't!”
“He did” said Buffy from the doorway “Then Mr Hefner here had the audacity to blame me for having hormone problems”
Giles and Willow laughed while Buffy huffed into the room.
“Anyway, I only dropped by to let you know that I have to go visit my Dad in LA next weekend”
They spent the rest of the afternoon continuing their project to catalogue his personal collection of books and papers.
“I can't believe I haven't done this before now” he marveled as they stopped for a tea break after a couple of hours.
“You have been kind of busy” she reminded him, then winced as she saw the look of worry on his face. “I'm sorry” she stammered “I didn't mean to remind you that you couldn't remember!” She looked a little confused as she finished the sentence and he laughed.
“Why is it that when I am feeling depressed you will make me laugh when no one else can?” He moved over to her and hugged her.
She froze and he pulled back a little “I'm sorry” he said and was about to walk away when he stopped and moaned.
“What is it?” she asked worriedly
“Headache” he said through clenched teeth. After a couple of minutes, and some painkillers he looked up and smiled a little wanly “I think I just remembered something and I don't know that I want to do it ever again if the headache is an indication”
She smiled at him and tried to focus on the positive “You remembered something – that's great” she got out her notebook and rooted around on the desk for a pen.
“What was it?” she asked, pen poised and ready to record.
He sighed “I'm not sure you really want to know” he wouldn't look her in the eye.
“Giles you're scaring me – tell me what you remembered or I'll call Fraser right now!” she ended with a scary mother-knows-best voice.
“OK, OK” he winced as his headache gave a final kick before succumbing to the drugs “Just turn the volume down a bit”
When he felt a little better he began “It was when I hugged you, I suddenly got a flash of doing exactly the same thing in a library of some kind and I also had an overwhelming feeling of having lost you” He looked at her curiously and waited for her to explain the conundrum to him.
“OK” she began and put the notebook down “First of all that happened in the school library and it was all a big misunderstanding”. He didn't look any the wiser so she took a deep breath and continued “You and Xander and Buffy thought I had died in ……. a car accident” she hoped he didn't notice the hesitation “and when I arrived in the library, not knowing what was going on, Xander and Buffy gave me a group hug and then you gave me a hug as well”
He still looked a little confused “I still seem to be missing something” he said and shook his head.
“Perhaps we should call it a day and you could get some rest?” she asked, not really wanting to have to explain the whole vamp Willow thing.
“Perhaps we should give up the cataloguing for the day” he agreed “but I don't really want to be alone right now, would you stay for dinner?”
Sensing her hesitation he continued, stammering a little “That is unless you have something else… better… with someone else.. I mean”
She smiled at his awkwardness and said “I was wondering how long it would take before the stammer returned, I would love to stay for dinner”
Willow was standing in the kitchen preparing the meal and Giles was leaning against the other side of the counter "I meant to ask, who is Fraser?"
"What do you mean?" asked Willow
"Well you threatened to call Fraser if I didn't tell you what I remembered and I don't remember meeting anyone of that name recently, is he your boyfriend?"
Willow laughed a little "No, it's Doctor Alexander, he asked me to call him Fraser the last time I saw him"
"Do you see him often?" he asked, a little curtly
"Not really, I was just checking up on some research I had been doing for college and he was kind enough to give me five minutes earlier today" she smiled, not sensing his discomfort with her revelation. "He was asking after you by the way, he wanted to know if you had taken up skate boarding?" Turning round she saw the sad look on his face "What's wrong" she asked "headache coming back?"
"Not really, I'm just tired" he lied "I'll go and lie down on the sofa for five minutes if you don't mind"
She smiled at him a little worriedly and agreed that she would wake him for dinner in a little while.
Cursing under his breath he returned to the sofa and closed his eyes. He could remember the doctor's reaction to any mention of Willow's name and his threat when he upset her on the day she picked him up from hospital, but he had no idea that they were an item. He had always been a little shy around women but this had mostly served to endear him to them and appealed to their protective instincts. What had he done to Willow to lose her? He was experiencing a pain almost as acute as the headache but he had no idea whether he had any right to feel jealous or not. The more he thought about it the more convinced he became that they must have had some kind of relationship over and above their friendship. His memory had been triggered by the smell of her hair, which meant he had to have been that close to her before but he simply couldn't remember any other details.
She was exactly the kind of person he had been searching for over all of his years at Oxford and his training with the Council. She was incredibly intelligent and a little shy about it, she was incredibly funny but couldn't tell jokes, she was incredibly beautiful and didn't seem to realise the fact. He felt that he could share things with her about his life, his responsibilities, which he had never shared with anyone. Of course he wouldn't, after all he would rather have her around to torment him than lose her because he told her about his particular interests.
Willow peeked at him from the kitchen and saw the worried look on his face. She hoped he wasn't remembering any more of the vamp Willow memories. She could still remember the feel of the tight leather and the look on the male faces as she had paraded in front of them that night. As far as she remembered, however, Giles had only been worried for her safety and had been one of the few not to let his jaw drop on seeing her outfit for the first time. She still wasn't sure whether she was reassured by his reaction or a little disappointed!
They ate dinner in near silence and he helped her tidy the dishes away afterwards. They were both sitting reading books and drinking tea a little later when he cleared his throat and looked at her over his glasses. "Willow, would you be terribly offended if I asked you a personal question?"
She looked a little wary but agreed that he could ask whatever he wanted.
"It's just, I still can't quite get the hang of the group relationships - in the sense of me, you, Buffy and Xander". He stopped, hoping that she would jump in with an answer but he realised she was waiting for something more and cleared his throat again. "I know that Buffy and Xander used to spend time with me but I get the impression that it was you who used to be here most often" he paused, looking curiously for any sign that she understood what he was trying to ask. "I mean, sitting here tonight, this just feels so.. so.. normal" he finally found the word.
"We used to do this kind of thing quite often" she confirmed. "When you were hanging out with Buffy and Xander it was more of a physical thing… you know, they didn't really get into the "sitting quietly with a book" thing, you were doing stuff and always on the move". She paused, not sure how to continue "But we used to do a lot of research, for my college course and various projects of your own and, after the accident at the school, we used to research everything here"
He looked a little triumphant that he had figured out that much for himself and was about to ask another question when she silenced him with a wave of her hand. "It's not just a hang over from school, with you being librarian and everything" she realised that now she had started this particular train of thought she would need to finish it. "You really were a friend to all of us and this kind of became a second home for us, especially me" she finished quietly.
With Buffy and Xander both disappearing for long weekends, Giles managed to persuade Willow that they should also have some time away from the schedule.
She agreed and they planned a picnic for the Saturday afternoon. He insisted on preparing the food himself and couldn't understand her reticence until he finally wheedled it out of her. "What do you mean I can't cook?!?!?" he asked indignantly. "I'll have you know that I was extremely sought after at the Museum in the area of sandwich preparation for field trips"
She started to protest "Well, maybe it was the American food that kind of threw you"
"You bloody colonials think you invented everything, have you even heard of the Earl of Sandwich?"
At this final outburst she couldn't contain her amusement any longer. "Alright, I'll submit to the great sandwich taste test on Saturday".
He looked a little mollified but mumbled as he headed for the kitchen. She laughed and started to collect her books and papers. She didn't see him watching her from the kitchen and only turned round when he quietly said her name. "Willow, perhaps I failed to mention but I can cook dinner as well"
She looked a little perplexed "OK, but I don't think spaghetti bolognese will be that easy to eat on a picnic!"
He smiled "Exactly why it would be easier for you to come to dinner on Sunday night as well as the picnic on Saturday". He ended on a questioning note and she realised that he was anxiously awaiting her answer. She also realised that she was taking a long time giving her answer when she saw his face fall.
"Are you sure you want to go to all that trouble, after all this is supposed to be a weekend where you relax?" she asked.
"No really, it would be a pleasure, cooking was always a relaxation for me, and you have been working so hard that I would like to give you something in return"
"OK, that would be lovely thank you" she smiled as if this was a perfectly normal occurrence, despite the little voice inside her head which was screaming that this was a bona fide, definite, no doubt about it, DATE.
Saturday dawned bright and sunny and Giles sighed as he drank his breakfast tea. He knew it was completely illogical to be dreaming of rain when he had planned a picnic for today but he couldn't help feeling a little bored with the monotony of constant sun. He shook his head and gave himself an internal shake as well. He had an ideal opportunity today to try to get to know Willow better and that could only be for the good. He vowed that by the end of the day he would have a better understanding of their relationship.
Willow had chosen an area of the local park that was quiet. Giles had been allowed to drive again after his last visit to Doctor Alexander and he had picked Willow up at 10:30. Parking the car at the outer perimeter Giles suggested a walk around the park before they settled on a spot for their lunch. Willow had readily agreed.
Leaving the food in the car they strolled off at a leisurely pace. "This is much better than the last time I was here"
Willow looked up at him, squinting a little in the sun, "Do you remember your last visit?"
"Not really that difficult" he shrugged "Xander and I jogged round here twice last week"
She smiled a little sadly "Oh, I thought you meant you remembered before that"
"Did I used to come here often?" he asked, then started to laugh "My God, that's an unusual variation on a line even I had stopped using!"
Willow laughed as well and punched his arm playfully "I don't believe you ever had to use a line to get a girl to go out with you"
He pretended to rub his arm in pain then stretched it around her shoulder "Oh, it would surprise you the moves I perfected!"
He smiled down at her and she grinned back at him. Her legs were still moving and, when she checked, she was pretty sure that she was still breathing. However, she knew that these were controlled by her subconscious because her conscious mind was completely involved with the whole "Giles has his arm round me in public" thing that was going on.
He was very pleased at the turn of events so far. He had planned this trip a hundred times in his head but had decided to wing it at the last moment. He guessed that his winging it skills had been considerably honed in the last six years.
Willow finally managed to get her brain in gear enough to begin a conversation. "You never finished explaining about your years at the museum" she queried.
"Oh, I'm sure it wouldn't be very interesting for you" he demurred, although he was secretly delighted that she wanted to know more about him.
"No honestly" she disagreed "I would love to hear more about what the place was like, the objects you researched, the people you met"
They talked without realising the time passing and only stopped when they had completed a full circuit and arrived back at his car.
"Right" he said and rubbed his hands together "Are you ready for the chef's surprise?"
She was unaware that her face showed exactly how eager she was that this particular chef surprise her, however, Giles was heading towards the car to retrieve the picnic basket and did not see the desire in her face.
She moved to help him carry the blanket and wine cooler and then headed towards a small rise with a few trees providing ample shade. She spread the blanket out and sat down opposite Giles. He, in turn, was distributing various boxes and packages around the area. He opened a bottle of white wine and retrieved two glasses. "I have to admit that I went a bit mad and made a few of everything I could think of" he sheepishly admitted. He handed her a glass of wine and clinked their glasses together. "To friendships second time around" he announced.
She smiled. "Friendships" she agreed and drank some of the wine. "This is really nice" she added "but I think I'll have something to eat before I drink any more"
"Of course" he agreed enthusiastically "What do you want to start with?"
Talking took second place to eating for a while. "That was fabulous!" she finally said as she half finished her second glass of wine. "From now on you are the grand master of picnic lunches!"
"I'm glad you enjoyed it" he said and reached for the bottle of wine. He topped up both glasses and then dropped the empty bottle back into the hamper with the debris of their feast. "I should have brought another bottle" he said and leaned back to enjoy the warm breeze across his face.
"Mmmmm" she agreed and also leaned back on the blanket.
He smiled and looked across at her. Taking his glasses off he rubbed the bridge of his nose and then asked "Are you a little merry?"
"Maybe" she mischievously answered and turned to face him "Are you?"
"No" he laughed "but I think that may be because I have a higher tolerance for alcohol after years of abusing it"
"Why did you drink?" she asked, taking a sip from her glass.
"Why does anyone drink?" he shrugged "When some very unpleasant things are happening in real life it's easier sometimes to drink yourself into an alternate world where things aren't so bad"
She looked at him sadly "I'm sorry that so many bad things have happened to you" he started to interrupt "No, really, you don't deserve to be that unhappy, you are a good person and good things should happen to good people!" She finished on a note of absolute certainty and nodded emphatically. Unfortunately this caused some wine to spill onto her shirt.
Giles reached across and used his napkin to dab at the stain "Good things do happen to me, look at today?"
She was looking to where his hand was continuing its travels across the front of her shirt. Suddenly she looked up and earnestly asked him "Has today made you happy - truly, genuinely happy?"
"Happier than I can remember in a long time" he said, removing his hand and dropping the napkin into the hamper.
She giggled "That isn't saying very much" then her hand flew to her mouth and she gasped "Oh my god I didn't mean that, I'm so sorry Giles, that was so careless…"
He took her chin in his hand and lifted her face till he gazed into her eyes "It's OK I know you didn't mean it." The moment seemed to stretch forever and neither of them even dared to breathe in case it broke the tension.
Finally he leaned in towards her and she closed her eyes, preparing for the inevitable kiss. When their lips finally met she was amazed at the tenderness and gentleness of his touch. His hand moved from her chin to gently touch her hair.
Finally she opened her eyes and pulled back slightly. He waited expectantly for her response and was a little concerned when her eyes started to moisten and her hand covered her mouth, wonderingly touching her lips.
"Are you OK, I'm sorry if that wasn't what you wanted" he started but she interrupted him.
"I've wanted you to do that for the last year!" she admitted and gazed into his eyes.
"Why didn't you kiss me?" he asked and smiled at her a little shyly.
Laughing she pulled him to her and kissed him until she needed to surface for air "I have no idea, but I don't think I want to stop now I've started"
He smiled "I'm not complaining" and lying on his side he pulled her closer until she was lying in his arms. They began to kiss again and her hands strayed to his back and neck when he started to groan. Thinking this was a pretty good sign she pushed her body even closer and kissed him with renewed vigour, however, he pulled away and grabbed his glasses off.
"Jenny" he gasped and she jerked away as if he had slapped her across the face.
"Jenny, my god, why didn't you tell me?" he asked in anguish and turned away from her, his eyes filled with pain and tears.
It took her several minutes to gather herself together and then she quickly packed away the remainder of the picnic debris and took the hamper back to the car.
Passing a drinking fountain she splashed water on her face and took several long drinks of the tepid water. In truth, the shock of his reaction had sobered her up faster than intravenous caffeine and she was using this time to regain her equilibrium and to try to switch back into concerned friend mode. Finally she took a ragged breath and turned back towards Giles. He had moved away from their lunch site to lean against the nearest tree. She watched him use his handkerchief to dry his eyes and then look around to try and find his glasses. She moved to the blanket and, picking them up, moved towards him.
"If you'll let me, I'll drive you home" she said in a quiet voice, not daring to look into his eyes.
"Please" he nodded and handed her the keys. She noticed that his hand was shaking as she took the keys and gently put her hand on his elbow to guide him to the car. She made sure he was safely belted in and returned for the blanket and his jacket.
Once he was home he headed straight for the bedroom and murmured something about getting some rest. She didn't bother to reply, knowing that he had forgotten her already. The last thing she wanted was to remain in his house, especially now that it was haunted again by Jenny but she couldn't leave him on his own. Sighing she went to empty the car and tidied up the final memories of her perfect afternoon into two garbage bags.
Fraser arrived about forty minutes later to find her curled in a chair nursing a large mug of coffee. "Gone off the tea?" he asked gently and she smiled a little at him before her eyes filled with tears and she moved into his arms.
"It was terrible" she sobbed into his chest "I remember his pain from the first time and now he has to go through it all again"
He waited until her sobbing subsided and then pushed her back into the chair and sat opposite her on the sofa. "Start at the beginning and tell me what happened" he ordered.
"We had decided to take a picnic to the park and it was a perfect afternoon" she said, taking a gulpy sob at the end "We had drunk a bottle of wine and had talked for hours”
"What made him remember Jenny?" he asked gently
"It was all my fault" she said and the tears were now running freely down her cheeks, but she had regained her composure and continued. "We were talking about how happy we both were and then he kissed me" she didn't notice the brief flash of irritation on his face. "It was wonderful and I was kissing him back when he suddenly pulled away from me and said her name"
He waited for her to come back from the mental image of Rupert's anguished face.
"It wasn't just that he remembered her, it was that he remembered what happened to her as well" she shook her head "He looked so hurt and not just about the memory but that I hadn't told him"
"There isn't anything I can say that will take away your pain or his" Doctor Alexander said, then he softened his voice. "Perhaps you could give us ten minutes or so and I'll make sure he is comfortable before we have a further chat?" She nodded and, taking a large blanket from the back of the sofa, moved to the courtyard with her coffee. He sighed, it was 86 0 C out there and she was sitting wrapped in a blanket and shivering.
He had known Giles at the time of Jenny's death but his friend hadn't wanted to talk about it or the circumstances surrounding her body turning up in his apartment. Fraser had wondered how Giles had coped at the time, as he didn't seem to have any friends outside of Willow and her peers. After months had passed Fraser realised that he had dealt with it in some way as Giles had returned to normal operation, well, normal in that he turned up at casualty a couple of times a month with obscure "sporting injuries". Fraser shook his head as he entered the bedroom. He was missing these unexplained, physical injuries. At least he had a chance of diagnosing and treating them instead of the uncertainties surrounding this current problem.
Giles was sitting in the chair cradling his head in his hands. Fraser sat on the bed opposite him and gently asked "Rupert, is there anything I can do for you?"
He waited until he thought Giles hadn't heard him when "No, there isn't anything anyone can do right now". He looked up and Fraser recoiled slightly at the pain in his eyes. "It was just a bit of a shock to suddenly remember everything about her in a flash like that"
Fraser nodded "I know, Willow told me what happened".
Giles groaned "Oh god, she must hate me right now".
"She doesn't hate you Rupert, she's just really concerned and feeling a little left out because she can't do anything to help you".
"No one can" Giles stood up and took off his sweater. "I just have to relive the last six years all over again in the space of a few months" he was getting angry now. "What I can't understand is why I can't remember any of the good stuff yet!"
"Surely Jenny is a good memory?" Fraser asked gently and sat back a little to watch Giles pace.
"She would have been a great memory if I had any more than two seconds to remember her as anything but dead on that bed" he shook a little as he pointed to where Fraser sat. "It would have been a great memory" he continued "if I hadn't been snogging the face off of someone else at the time the memory sprang into my mind." Fraser raised his hand to quell the incipient hysteria rising in Giles' voice but he was ignored. "It would have been a great memory if I hadn't ruined the perfect afternoon with a woman I may very well be madly in love with" With this finally out of his system he subsided into the chair and went back to holding his head in his hands. "How can I ever face Willow again?"
Fraser sighed "OK, this may seem impossible right now but Willow understands some of what you're going through and, after the shock subsides a little, I'm sure she'll be ready to get back to normal".
"But what is normal?" Giles asked and looked at his friend. "Tomorrow I could remember fifteen other women I was madly in love with, how can Willow ever trust me when I say I love her?"
"I can't answer that but I think she is predisposed to believe just about anything you tell her" he answered and Giles looked strangely at him. "I mean I think her or Xander or Buffy would believe you if you told them the world was ending tomorrow!" He expected Giles to argue with him but wasn't expecting the complete look of shock on his face and the whisper of "Dear Lord" he heard. "Rupert, are you OK?" he asked then realised how redundant that question was. Even without his considerable medical expertise he could tell this man was far from OK.
"It was a figure of speech" he explained as he moved to Giles' side and grabbed his wrist to check his pulse. Giles didn't even register that he was still there as his eyes glazed over and he was clearly somewhere else. When he was confident that the rapid change in demeanour wasn't the onset of a major coronary he gently guided him to the bed and helped him to loosen his clothing. Giles was gently mumbling under his breath to himself and Fraser couldn't make out the words that were in English, never mind the others. He administered a sedative injection and left him alone after checking that his vital signs were consistent with a deep sleep. Considerably shaken by the transformation he had witnessed he returned downstairs to find Willow in the kitchen making him a cup of tea.
"Is he OK?" she asked and was surprised to see the uncertainty on the doctor's face. "What's wrong?" she asked anxiously.
"He's sleeping now but I think I just experienced the same reaction that you got from him this afternoon" he said wearily and accepted the cup she handed him.
"You were kissing him and he remembered an old girl friend?" she asked incredulously and realised the seriousness of the situation when the doctor took a moment to process her question before answering.
"Not quite" he acknowledged "but he was really worried about how much he had hurt you by his reaction earlier and I made an off the cuff remark which caused him to phase out a bit". He looked a bit confused and shook his head "I'm sorry that didn't make any sense to me either".
Willow asked him gently "What did you say to him?"
He recounted the conversation and was completely lost when he saw her blanche a little at the same phrase as Giles. "All right" he said loudly "enough is enough, I'm not losing two patients the same way in the one night, what exactly is going on?" She looked a little panicked and he said, more gently "Please Willow I only want to help both of you"
"I'm sorry" she said, and he noticed she physically pulled herself together "It isn't my place to tell you why he reacted that way but I'm pretty sure he has recovered some more memories"
"Are you sure you can't trust me any more than that?" he asked and shrugged his shoulders when she nodded.
"It's not that I don't trust you, that any of us do" she started "after all, we've trusted you with Giles who's one of the most important people in the world to all of us"
"I'm not blaming you" he said and moved towards her to touch her shoulder "I'm not even sure I could help any more even if I did know what he's remembering right now"
"Once he's completely recovered I'm sure I can persuade him to let you in on the details" she promised and hugged him "Thanks for all your help, I didn't know who else to call today"
Willow awoke the next morning and stretched to get rid of the kinks from her night on the sofa. She reminded herself to persuade him to get more comfortable furniture for the increasingly regular occasions when she or one of the others had to sleep on it.
With a shock she remembered the events of yesterday and how the perfect day had ended in a nightmare of uncertainty and worry over his continuing struggle to remember the previous six years.
After Doctor Alexander had left the previous night she had taken some time to get the situation straight in her own mind. She had decided that she would always love Giles but she couldn't take advantage of him in his present state. He obviously had feelings for her, she remembered with a shiver the kisses they had exchanged, but she knew that his feelings were in isolation to everything else that had happened to him since his arrival in America. After all, she rationalised, if he refused to see me in that way after knowing me for six years, how could he possibly be in his right mind now?
She had never told anyone, not even Buffy, of his rejection of her and their argument just before the final battle where he received his injury. She had finally plucked up enough courage to face him as an adult and tell him that her feelings for him went further than friend, mentor, role model. He had stared at her for several minutes before announcing that, while he was flattered, he couldn't take their relationship any further than it had already gone.
She had tried to be adult about it but had been angry at his calm rejection of her and she asked why he was so sure that they would never be anything more to each other. He had, again with maddening calmness, listed a number of reasons. She had to admit with hindsight that the reasons were perfectly valid and included several she had worried about herself: the age difference, the likelihood that they would live happily ever after while still in Sunnydale, Buffy's reaction and the effect this would have on her ability to keep up her duties. However, and she was able to admit to herself now, she had childishly hoped that their love would overcome all of these barriers and they would at least have each other through adversity.
He had finally lost his temper as well and they had ended up having a blazing row with her accusing him of treating her like a child and him yelling that she was acting like one so what did she expect. Shortly afterwards, before she had any chance to rescind any of her hurtful comments, he had been injured in the battle and she thought that she had lost him forever.
As she prepared a breakfast tray for him she vowed that she would never allow her feelings to get in the way of their friendship again and they would go back to being friends, research partners, teacher and pupil.
He had apologised for his behaviour when she took him his breakfast but she had told him he had nothing to apologise for and she was only concerned that he recover from the shock of his latest memories. She had tried to find out how much he had remembered after Doctor Alexander's inadvertent slip but Giles refused to talk about it and claimed that he still had a headache. She had agreed that perhaps they should slow down on the introspective analysis of his memories every day and suggested a short walk to clear his head and get some fresh air.
He was glad she hadn't questioned him too closely about his memories of the previous day and night. He had finally remembered everything about Jenny, his feelings for her and why their relationship had been cut short. He had also remembered the grief and mourning process that he had gone through to reconcile himself to her loss and was able to admit that she was definitely nothing more than a very pleasant yet melancholy memory.
Nevertheless, he was shocked to discover that someone for whom he had cared very deeply had been forgotten so easily. How could he trust his feelings for Willow without having any knowledge of what else, or who else, was in his past. And yet, he knew in the deepest part of his being that he loved Willow, and he couldn't believe that this had only occurred since his accident. He had to believe that he wasn't fickle enough to have allowed such an attachment to overtake him within the space of a few weeks. Whatever he decided his feelings towards her were, he knew that she would never trust him with her heart again. He couldn't conceive of anything he could have done the day before that would have more effectively ended whatever burgeoning relationship they had.
During their walk they talked about inconsequential nonsense. Only when he realised that they had discussed the weather for the third time did he sigh "I'm sorry, you don't have to stay with me today if you've got something better to do"
"It's OK" she said with a sigh of her own "You shouldn't be alone when you're feeling low and anyway I don't have anything else planned for today"
"I'm sure you must have some paint drying somewhere that would be more interesting than spending your time with a sad old man like me" he stopped and turned to look at her "Honestly, I'd understand if you didn't want to be anywhere near me right now"
She shook her head "You are not sad and you're not really that old" she smiled up at him as she gently teased him "You're just a very good friend who is trying to recover from a very serious injury and is coping remarkably well"
He tried to pretend that the "very good friend" part of the pep talk hadn't sent a shiver to his heart, but he reminded himself that he couldn't think of her as anything else if he was to continue to be in her company.
"You seem to be taking the bulk of the babysitting duties, when are Buffy and Xander due back?" he asked
"Xander's due back late tonight and Buffy's back tomorrow afternoon" she replied, sad that he hadn't questioned her definition. Perhaps it was just as well that her resolution of earlier today seemed to tie in so nicely with his view of how they should interact. She was so busy worrying about this that she didn't notice his relief at the news that Buffy was due back soon.
He finally persuaded Willow that he was well enough to be left on his own and she headed home after they had completed their walk. Both were glad of the solitude provided by their free afternoon and returned to their respective "corners" to brood on the situation again.
When Buffy returned she found a message from Giles on her machine “Call me as soon as you get in – we need to talk”. This sounded urgent and she realised she had missed this part of their relationship. Not that she wanted demonic disasters to crop up regularly to provide her with an excuse to rush to Giles' apartment, but she did miss the openness they had once had. She sighed “I'll be more relieved than him when he finally remembers who I am.” Dumping her bags she headed straight back out.
She was startled by the look on his face when he opened the door to her. “Giles, are you OK?” she asked and shut the door behind her as he moved to the table.
“I know” he said in a quiet voice “Buffy, I have remembered that you are the slayer and I am your Watcher”
“Woohoo” she shouted and jumped into his arms. “Thank God you've finally remembered, I've missed you sooo much Giles”
He smiled rather worriedly and moved away from her.
“OK, don't overdo the excitement and celebration there” she looked at him closely “Is this just your famous British reserve and you're actually dancing inside?”
“This isn't really about celebrating” he said sadly
“Oh god, what else did you remember?” she sat next to him and took his hand in hers “Tell me”
He looked at her hand holding his and then looked into her eyes “So far, I've got Jenny, Angel, Angelus, Wesley, the Mayor and Principal Snyder”
“Great” she said, exasperated, “No half measures there then, where do you want me to start?”
“Alphabetically” he said and looked directly into her eyes, willing her to tell him the truth.
Blowing her cheeks out she took her jacket off, moved to the chair and sat down. “OK, Angel's first I guess” she looked a little worried “Angel is first?”
He nodded. “Glad to see you learned something after all those hours in the library!” he said dryly.
“OK, Angel, he was, I mean is, a vampire with a soul” she started in a rush and then settled into story telling rhythm. “He was cursed by some gypsies and now has a soul which means he spends the rest of eternity fighting with the good guys to atone for his past misdeeds”
“Is this how I used to sound lecturing you?” he asked and gave her a small smile to continue.
“You were way worse” she smiled back “You had advanced pacing going on at the same time”
“Anyway” she continued. “When I first moved here to become slayer, Angel kind of took it upon himself to watch over me and things kind of got weird because we fell in love” she stared him straight in the eye, looking for any sign that he didn't believe in the story so far.
“This is just about the point where Angelus comes in?” he asked, relieving her of the need to explain the circumstances surrounding the transition.
She nodded and looked down “Uhuh” she was silent for some time. “At the beginning you told us Angelus was the worst of his kind and by the time I sent him to hell to stop Acathla we weren't disagreeing with you” he started to say something but she shook her head “Let me get through this first.” He nodded and she took a deep breath “During the time when Angelus was wreaking his particular style of vengeance he killed Jenny because she knew how to restore his soul and return Angel.” She stared at him and started to cry “I'm so sorry Giles, you shouldn't have to go through this again!”
He moved over to the arm of the chair and sat down, holding her in his arms “It's part of our history and I need to remember as much as I can to begin getting back to normal and being your Watcher again”
“It wasn't just Jenny, he also tortured you into helping open the gateway with Acathla” she mumbled into his sweater “He did unspeakable things to you for fun, so bad that you never did tell us everything”
“I think I remember most of it now” he whispered “At least, I hope there isn't much more to recall”
They sat, holding each other for several minutes until Buffy wiped her face with her sleeve and sniffed “Any chance of a good old British cup of tea?”
He smiled “Of course” he said, heading for the kitchen “Anyway, I think we got to the Mayor in our list?”
She filled him in on the Mayor, Ascensions in general and then Principal Snyder while he made the tea. By the time they had returned to the living room with their drinks they were both smiling at memories of the talent contest and Snyder's volunteering of them all. “For making me direct that bloody show he deserved to be eaten by a giant snake” Giles announced “OK, that only leaves Wesley?”
Buffy laughed “Mini Giles” and sipped her tea.
“What?” he asked incredulously and took his glasses off “But from what I can remember he was an insufferable, whining, cowardly ..” he sat indignantly while Buffy let him run out of steam.
”What I mean is” she smiled hugely “that we all agreed that you would have been just like him without the “mad, bad and dangerous to know” thing you pulled off when you were younger”
“You know about that!” he asked and put his head in his hands “Oh dear God, how much did I tell you?”
“You didn't actually tell us that much at first” she conceded and waited till she saw the relief in his face “It just kind of became apparent when you turned into Ripper and had sex with my Mother on the hood of a police car one night”
Her giggling was not doing his blood pressure any good. He had taken up pacing with extreme prejudice and was rapidly wearing a trench in the carpet when he finally stopped and looked at her “Stop bloody laughing and tell me I didn't let Ripper do that?” His pleading look settled her giggling slightly and she had recovered enough to squeak out “Twice” before she collapsed back into the chair and put a cushion over her face to mask the laughter.
He looked about helplessly and then, finally, started to laugh as well “Your mother!” he finally gasped out which caused both of them to lose it again. Sanity had almost returned when Buffy delivered her coupe de grace “She said you were very good.” When she finally related the tale to Xander and Willow later she would admit that if ever a moment was suited for Kodak it was the look on his face at this point!
After she explained about Ethan Rayne and his particular influence on their knowledge of Giles' past they started to talk about getting back to normal in their Watcher/Slayer routine. “I feel fit enough to get back to training with you again” he announced “but I'm not sure how we're going to persuade Willow that you should be getting self defence lessons again” he laughed and she looked at him strangely.
“So long as you promise to wear the helmet she won't mind too much” she suggested.
“Perhaps I could ask that Xander and Willow don't spend as much time with me to negate the possibility of them asking any questions, how did we get around this before?”
She was really confused now “Why would they ask questions?” she asked “So long as I promise to be gentle with you they won't mind.” “In fact” she continued “Xander is actually getting pretty good at being second bad guy from the left in our scenario re-enactments”
He paled a little “Xander knows”
“Of course he knows, so does Willow and Anya and Cordelia and Oz and..”
“Did I not explain the concept of a secret identity to you when we started working together?” he asked
“Yup, on several different occasions and using lots of different long words but, by that time the Scooby Gang were getting pretty good at team slayage and general synchronised demon dissing so you gave up!”
Buffy called Willow and Xander and they came over right away – delighted at the news that he had remembered so much of his past.
Willow hugged him when she arrived and said quietly “Doctor Alexander told me what he said to you and couldn't understand why you nearly fainted dead away”
“The dishy doctor was here?” asked Buffy
Giles looked a little uncomfortable and moved across the room, away from Willow “Yes” he said, coughing nervously “Willow was a little concerned when my memories started returning on Saturday afternoon and she called the Doctor to make sure I was OK”
Xander slumped onto the chair with his leg over the arm and asked “So what brought this latest bunch of memories back, you weren't hugging Willow again were you?” He had intended this to be a flippant remark but was devastated when Willow left without saying a word.
Buffy looked strangely at Giles as he continued to stare into the fireplace, not acknowledging Willow's departure. “Xander” she said quietly “Go and make sure she's OK, then bring her back in about five minutes”
Xander glared at Giles's back as he left and slammed the door shut behind him, causing Giles to wince.
“What happened, what did you do to her?” she asked, moving towards him and touching his arm
“It wasn't entirely my fault but I ended up hurting Willow very much and I can't think of any way to make it up to her” he mumbled
She stood back a little and assumed her best slayer tone “Look at me” he turned round and stared into her eyes “What happened between you, what caused you to remember?”
“It might make it worse if I tell you” he suggested but kept eye contact to show his sincerity
“You may not remember everything about me yet, but know this, if you don't have an A+ reason for what you're doing to my friend then I will return you to the emergency ward quicker than you can say traction”
He sighed and moved to the sofa. Sitting down he took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes “We went on a picnic on Saturday” he began “Recently I have been noticing that I have feelings for Willow and I used the occasion to seduce her”
Buffy moved slightly on the balls of her feet and he almost felt the waves of anger coming off of her.
“We were kissing and, well, touching and holding and..”
“You aren't Barbara Cartland, get to the point where you hurt her” she practically snarled at him
“I bloody well took advantage of her and right in the middle of everything I remembered about Jenny” he was on his feet and shouting at her now. She stood her ground and let her arms hang loosely by her side. If he had been clear headed he might have recognised the danger signs but he was still a little overcome by the recent return of the memories and continued shouting “When I pulled back and said Jenny's name I might as well have staked her through the heart”
Buffy hit him once, but it was enough. He was groggily shaking his head and trying to get up off of the floor when Xander returned with a miserable looking Willow in tow. “Not fair” said Xander and moved over to stand next to Giles “I wanted to hit him first”
Giles looked into his eyes and then stood up in front of him “Go on” he said in a slightly blurry voice “I deserve it” and he wiped his hand over the blood seeping from his nose.
Xander didn't hesitate and before Willow could stop him he had caught him with a right uppercut that snapped his head back and left him on the floor again.
“Stop it” cried Willow and rushed to his side “Please don't hurt him any more, he's had enough”
He came to with his head cradled in Willow's lap and Buffy pressing a cold towel to his jaw. Xander helped him stand up and then lie down on the sofa while Willow went to retrieve the ice pack from the freezer.
“What kind of a maniac are you?” she asked incredulously as she placed the icepack on his jaw and moved the towel to his nose “You're still recovering from amnesia induced by a major head trauma and you goad the slayer into punching you out!”
“I might as well lose my memory again” he mumbled as his jaw started to swell “It's return's only brought you pain”
Willow glared at Buffy and Xander “Well, I hope you're pleased with yourselves, which part of no more head traumas did we not understand!” she had her hands on her hips as they looked sheepishly at the ground. “You cannot, I repeat CANNOT, go around beating up everyone who upsets me, particularly old guys with soft heads and no sense” she had managed to glare at everyone during the last sentence.
Buffy finally looked up “He said what happened and that he'd taken advantage of you and stuff and, well, he wanted me to hit him!” she pointed at Giles' prone form on the couch.
“You are supposed to be the slayer” Willow said, losing some of her anger and returning to her normal tone of voice “You're supposed to know your Watcher better than anyone else, can't you tell that he is punishing himself more than you ever could?”
“Besides” she continued “Who said he took advantage of me, I seem to remember I was taking the initiative when he got his flashback”
Xander groaned “I don't believe I'm hearing this” he muttered “Do you mean to tell me you were kissing Giles? in public? outdoors? of your own free will?” He ran out of questions
“Yes” she answered sternly and then pushed Giles back onto the sofa “Don't you dare get involved in this again, stay lying down and let the ice pack get rid of the swelling”
“OK” she sat opposite Xander and Buffy “I don't know what he told you Buffy but here is the director's cut”
“We went on a picnic to get away from the routine of training and stuff” she pulled her leg underneath her as she sat on the tabletop. “It was a really nice day and we walked and talked and got on really well, it was just like old times but even better because he wasn't constantly worried about the next demon prophecy or whatever”. She didn't look at him as she told the story “We all know that he is just like our normal Giles but more relaxed, more, more” she searched for the word and Buffy finally supplied “Cuddly?”
Willow smiled a little tightly and agreed “Yep, cuddly.”
Giles groaned slightly on the sofa and used his free hand to cover his eyes. He definitely did not want to be listening to this but he realised he had no choice and they needed to know the truth of how low he had sunk before he could face them again.
“We settled down to lunch and had a bottle of wine between us” she carefully checked their expressions “He did not get me drunk, the wine just made me relax enough to admit how I was feeling about him”
Giles was now squirming slightly behind her and she turned, putting her hand out to touch his thigh “Please, I need you to keep the ice on and rest for a while” she said softly and he stopped moving.
She turned back to Buffy and Xander and noticed Buffy's expression had softened a little “We were still talking and then he leaned over and kissed me, gently.” Xander looked a little grim again and made to get out of the chair but Buffy put her hand on his arm and he stayed where he was.
“I kissed him back, with interest, then he pulled away from me and said Jenny's name” she paused a little. “After I brought him home I called Doctor Alexander who examined him and, while they were talking, he said something about us believing the world would end tomorrow if Giles told us and, well, I guess that's what triggered the memories”
Buffy moved over to Willow and hugged her then sat next to Giles on the sofa. Gently she took the ice pack from his hand and turned it before placing it back against his rapidly darkening jaw line. “I'm really sorry I hit you Giles” she shook her head as he made to reply “No, I should have had more control” she looked back towards Willow. “But I think you have to take some of the blame for this, after all you painted a pretty black picture back there and you did it because you knew I would react like that” he nodded slowly. “OK, when you can talk again you can apologise and grovel, in the meantime I think we should leave you and Willow to sort this out” she looked towards Willow once again. “If you have to hit him try a body shot, I don't think his face can take much more tonight.” Willow nodded and smiled but Xander was not forgiving as easily as Buffy.
“Wait a minute, has everyone forgotten the important theme here?” he glanced round everyone before continuing. “Giles and Willow were kissing in the park!” He stared round them all again and then said incredulously “Willow and Giles, that's like Lois Lane dumping Superman for the wrinkly editor guy!”
A low growl was all that Giles could manage but Willow recognised the sound. “Buffy, please get him out of here before Ripper remembers how to hit back!”
Buffy hustled Xander out of the door muttering something about tact and subtlety.
Willow looked down at Giles again and removed the wet towel from his head. “I'm sorry, they are just very protective of me”
He nodded and removed the ice pack “Please Willow, I'm so sorry about all of this, I didn't mean to get hit this hard and worry you”
She laughed a little “You'd think you could remember how hard your slayer hits things, although Xander's right was a bit of a surprise even to me!”
He just mumbled “Me too” under his breath and started to sit up.
She went to make him a cup of tea and replenished the ice pack while she was in the kitchen. He moved behind her while she was at the sink and placed his hand on her shoulder. She didn't turn round but whispered “Giles please”
She could hear him sigh before he said “I'm sorry, but I can't get you out of my mind” He moved to sit at the table “It's not just run of the mill fantasy stuff but as if I'm remembering flashes of previous events and they all revolve around you”
“What kind of things” she asked, intrigued by the mystery but also by the thought that he fantasised about her.
“I'd understand if you didn't want to start this tonight” he said quietly
“I'd rather set your mind at rest as soon as possible so that we can get back to normal demon-y stuff”
He smiled. “OK, in no particular order, here goes: I'm pulling you out of some quicksand, then we're both falling off of a cliff and we land in a heap at the bottom; you are dead and come back to haunt me in a tight, leather miniskirt and low cut top; you are dead again but this time you're a vampire in a full leather outfit; you and I are driving in a yellow spitfire sports car and the top is down which is causing your hair to get into your eyes so I reach across to push it back.”
He looked at her with an embarrassed frown on his face and went to collect some painkillers from the kitchen cabinet to give her time to think about his revelations.
When he returned she put her hand on top of his. “No.1, it wasn't a cliff but a flight of stairs; no.2 I wasn't dead but was a ghost during the Halloween celebrations which Ethan interrupted; no.3 this did happen but the reasons behind it are way too complicated for tonight, suffice it to say that the vamp version of me is no longer in this dimension.” She paused and lifted his chin gently till he looked her in the eyes “No.4 I don't recognise at all, but it does sound kind of fun?”
He shook his head “I still can't understand how we could work together as closely as Buffy is suggesting and not end up being romantically involved” she opened her mouth but he silenced her with his fingertips on her lips. “You are a very special person and I would be honoured if you would consider me a friend again but I can only wish that it could become something more in the future”
Willow looked sadly at him “We can't take this any further until you have all of your memories back and you're fully returned to your old self again”
“I understand” he said “You are right of course but I can only imagine what kind of an idiot I must have been not to have taken my chance with you”
The next few days found more and more memories returning but they were frustratingly unconnected. He remembered Xander going out with someone called Cordelia but couldn't remember much about her, Xander secretly breathed a sigh of relief and Willow took pity on him and refused to fill Giles in.
After the initial excitement wore off they returned to the established routine. Xander had been given a stern lecture by both Buffy and Willow and had eventually agreed to let Willow deal with this her own way. Giles had apologised and they either ran or swam almost every day, he trained with Buffy and even started some weapons training. She steadfastly refused to let him tackle the broadsword or quarterstaff but figured that some fencing would help to get him back into the swing of things.
Willow felt that she could begin to take him back over some of the demons they had come up against over the last six years and he soon realised that many of the books she used showed her having a more than passing interest in his most obscure volumes. This became even more apparent when she sheepishly showed him his "secret horde" of magic books. With astonishment he looked through the books and realised that they were all related to practising magic, in particular the more esoteric and dangerous areas. He was trying to find out how she knew where he kept these when Xander arrived.
"Hey guys, what's up?" he asked, settling onto the sofa and looking up at them.
"I was helping Giles to sort out his books and now he's mad!" Willow announced, but wouldn't look Giles in the eye.
"You knew where I kept the most private books I owned!" he said, raising his voice and getting exasperated.
"Whoa… you found Giles' stash of porn?" Xander looked in amazement at Willow and then Giles. They both looked at him in equal amazement.
"Giles has a stash of porn?" Buffy exclaimed from the front door.
Willow started to giggle but Giles was staring at them as if they were mad. "This isn't funny Willow, these books are very dangerous, you could easily hurt yourself or others with them!"
"Giles has kinky, bondage porn!" Buffy asked, snuggling down next to Xander on the sofa as if they were settling in for a performance at their local theatre.
"Enough!" he shouted "They are not porn, they're ancient texts concerned with esoteric, long lost arts and various incantations….." he slowed to a stop. How could he explain the true purpose of the books to these people?
"Oh, you only found his musty old magic books" Buffy and Xander groaned and Xander continued "Jeez Roop, Willow's been reading them for years already!" He didn't notice Willows frantic signals to stop "I mean, what with those ones and the books you used to keep on the top shelf at the library, I bet she's read more of them than you!"
Willow eventually calmed him down enough to explain that he was teaching her proper control and the safeguards for all of the magic that she was undertaking. She took a little pride in assuring him that she was a kick ass adept and that he had agreed to be her mentor in her studies in this area.
Finally he agreed that this was possible and asked how she felt about returning the favour by guiding him in taking some tentative steps towards practising magic again. They discussed at length the possibilities of returning his memory by magic means and he enjoyed the spirited discussions and disagreements almost as much as the thought of getting back to his magic studies.
After many late evenings, with many "full and frank exchanges of views" they had finally agreed on a very limited experiment to see if he still had the degree of control required to practice magic.
Once the decision had been made Willow realised the irony in their present situation. "Reversed roles?" he asked with a little quirk of his eyebrow.
Willow giggled and remembered how much she had missed that particular facial expression. "It's just that you were always the one trying to dissuade me from undertaking magic and now I'm doing the responsible adult thing!"
He shook his head and smiled "I wish I could remember you when you were an irresponsible child"
She looked completely bemused "You may want to rephrase that!"
Laughing out loud he shook his hands in denial "I didn't mean that the way it sounded, I meant that I wish I could remember you before you had the weight of the world on your shoulders"
She laughed as well and said "I was pretty much the same as now, you know fourteen going on forty, except I had worse dress sense"
They both began laughing in earnest and the tension of the last couple of days caused a little hysteria to creep into their release. When they could both breathe normally again he handed her his handkerchief to dry her eyes.
When she handed it back he took his glasses off and polished them, which caused another bout of giggles from Willow.
"I hadn't realised that you had stopped doing that since the accident." He looked totally bemused. "Wiping your glasses" she supplied "You always used to do that when you needed a minute to think, or if you were trying not to lose your temper with someone or if.."
"My glasses were dirty?" he asked and raised his eyebrow again. She felt herself gasp, she had forgotten how sexy she used to find that and in conjunction with the quirky smile and glasses polishing thing she was as close as she would ever be to losing her control and kissing him again.
"The most important thing to remember is that I will get back to being stuffy tweed guy about things like this and you'll still be a responsible adult" he said and replaced his glasses. He had missed her reaction and carried on "What I mean is that I quite enjoy the change in our roles but I wish that we could synchronise our irresponsibility in the future" He stopped, a little flustered, and realised what he had said.
"I know exactly what you mean but I think the world isn't ready for us both to be experimental flaky magic types together" she deliberately misunderstood the real meaning behind his statement and smiled a little sadly.
They agreed to schedule his first magic experiment for the next evening.
Buffy and Xander weren't convinced that either Willow or Giles should be doing any magic. Willow could understand their concerns about Giles but was a little upset that they didn't trust her.
"It's not that we don't trust you Willow, it's just that we don't think you should go ahead with this without Giles"
"But I've already explained that Giles will be there, that's the point!"
"No" said Xander "We mean the old Giles, the one who used to put the brakes on the magic bus whenever it looked like going out of control"
Willow gave them both a withering glare "This is just like before except Giles is doing my part and I'm doing his!"
"Ooookkkaaay, that makes me feel a whole lot better" Buffy looked to Xander.
"Yup, no danger from wierdness there!" he agreed.
Buffy and Xander insisted on being present at the experiment and were installed at the back of his living room on the sofa that had been moved against the wall to give a clear space in the middle of the floor.
“OK” Willow said in her best teacher knows best voice “You have to get the crayon to float in front of your face and then cause it to spin in a controlled fashion before lowering it carefully to the floor”
He looked a little bemused “I remember this being done with a pencil or pen or even a rose but never a crayon”
She looked a little sheepishly at Buffy “We changed to non pointy things after a minor incident which we don't need to go into right now”
“Alright” he sighed “You're the boss” and lowered himself into the lotus position on the floor.
“Yes indeedy” she nodded and sat in the same position across from him “Magic boss lady in control”
After an hour he asked for a break and they both rose gingerly from the floor and stretched their tired muscles. Buffy was sitting reading a glossy magazine while Xander snored at the other end of the sofa. She looked up and asked “Are we done yet, I really have to go on patrol”
“Sure” Willow agreed “We've done enough for tonight anyway.” Buffy woke Xander and dragged him, grumbling, out into the chill night to take him home before going on patrol.
Giles was drinking a glass of orange juice when she entered the kitchen “Buffy had to go on patrol and she's taken Xander with her”
He finished the contents of the glass and poured himself another “It didn't go exactly to plan, did it?” he asked quietly
“Not exactly” she admitted and accepted a glass of juice from him “But you're bound to have after effects from your hospital stay and you'll get the hang of it again quite quickly”
He shook his head “I've been doing some reading on this and I can't find anything magical that will restore the missing portions of my memory”
“Me neither” she agreed and led the way back into the living area. They pushed the sofa back to its normal position and she lay out on it with a groan and stretch. “You can't give up though, after all, you've got most of the important stuff back already”
“It's just that this drip feed of my memories returning is really frustrating” he said and lounged in the armchair. “I mean I'm useless to Buffy and all of you right now until I can return to being the support that she needs”
“You don't need to have your magic muscles fully toned to be a help to Buffy” Willow said and turned her head to look at him “You didn't have to use your magic skills that often any way”
“You're just trying to make me feel better” he grumbled.
“No” she said, a little exasperated “I've been doing that for the last two months, now I'm trying to make you see that you can return to work as her Watcher tomorrow if you want”
“How can I possibly be of use to the slayer in my present condition” he asked, but sat forward in the chair a little in his eagerness for her answer.
“I mean” she sat up to look at him “You were always the brains of the organisation, the tactical planning guy, the coach”
He looked a little bemused and she took pity on him “Buffy was the slayer so she had the whole spider sense, super power thing going on” he nodded to show he was with her so far. “I was the research assistant and computer hacker who occasionally got called on to shake a cross at bad guys” she had warmed to her theme now. “Xander was the one who encompassed a bit of all of us and would be the first into a fight and the last out of it, irrespective of whether he thought he would survive and you” here she paused and took a drink from her glass. “You were the one who held us all together and gave us our reason for being here”
“Surely the hellmouth played a part in that?” he asked
“I'm serious Giles” she said and got up to pace the floor “You were always on the job, never had any life other than being our Watcher” she stopped pacing and kneeled down in front of his chair. “You could have left several times and the Council did send another Watcher” she smiled as he sneered a little at his memories of Wesley. “But you stayed and kept on with the fight, you gave up any chance you may have had at happiness or a more normal life and chose to remain here”
He shook his head “I have some memory of the time after Wesley and the mayor but I just think I didn't know what else to do, after all I'd trained to be a Watcher all my life and I don't really have many other skills that are in demand”
“Nonsense” she said and moved back to the sofa. “We made your life pretty miserable, cut you out of the loop and you almost left us” she looked down at her hands. “You were ready to move back to England and I persuaded you to wait and then I persuaded Buffy to persuade you to stay and help” she realised she was close to tears. “So, you see, it was actually my fault that you got hurt every time after that, and there were quite a few times” she finished on a mumble and couldn't believe that she was sharing these private guilt feelings with him.
She heard him get up from the chair and move beside her on the sofa. “You must be very persuasive if you could manipulate a 47 year old man, who I'm sure you'll agree knows his own mind, to stay somewhere he didn't want to be” he put his hand over hers. “Also you apparently manipulated the slayer, who I'm sure you'll agree is often vociferous in knowing her own mind, to come and manipulate the same 47 year old man” he ended in a tone of incredulity. “I know you're a strong wicca but I don't think you're that strong, are you?” he asked gently.
She shook her head “I played the “Buffy needs you” card” she sniffed “You were always a sucker for the needs of your slayer”
He used his thumb to wipe away a tear rolling down her cheek and lifted her head to look into his eyes. “Willow” he said softly. “I don't believe that Buffy was the only one who needed the Scooby gang to stay together. I think we would all have lost a piece of ourselves if any one of us had left Sunnydale. I know now that it's the strength of the group that has enabled the slayer and all of us to survive as long as we have”
The next morning he asked Buffy how she would feel about him returning to Watcher duties. She was delighted, but a little concerned that he was rushing things.
“You all keep reminding me that Doctor Alexander stressed the importance of my returning to my normal routine” she nodded “Well, for me, finding out that the world is going to end next week unless we kick some demon ass is normal routine!”
She laughed “I see Willow taught you her resolve face as well as everything else”
He changed the subject abruptly "So, perhaps we could go over your recent patrols tonight and try to work out where the latest evil is coming from?"
"Sure thing Watcher" she said and aimed a downward stroke at his left shoulder. He parried easily and claimed a hit under her upraised arm "Perhaps its just as well I'm taking you back under my wing!" he said sardonically and then spent the next half hour defending himself from a concerted attack.
He met Xander for lunch at the Espresso Pump. "Usual" he asked and Xander nodded and went to grab a table.
Xander was halfway through his sandwich when he put the remainder on his plate and wiped his hands on a napkin "I think I owe you an explanation and another apology for my recent behaviour" he started
"Apology not necessary" mumbled Giles round his sandwich
"No, it very definitely is necessary" he said with more force than he meant and caused several nearby diners to look round. "I mean" he went on more quietly "I hit you because I thought you were messing Willow around and, well, to be honest she's kind of made it plain that she was doing most of the messing on the day in question".
"You can't expect me to agree with that?" Giles asked incredulously. "It may not be saying much but, ever since I can remember, I've had very deep feelings for Willow" Xander picked up his coffee and signalled him to continue. "She was the first person I saw on wakening and, even then, I was convinced that she and I had a deeper relationship than we appear to have had" he ground to a halt, still unable to reconcile his knowledge of their friendship with his inner feelings of desire.
"It's not all your fault" Xander explained. "You guys were pretty close before your collision with a tree trunk, but I think pressure from the rest of us stopped anything else happening" he looked at Giles for a moment before continuing. "Probably I was more to blame than anyone else but I can't stand the thought of anyone else being with Willow in that way when I can't"
Giles looked a little surprised "I had no idea Xander, I'm sorry"
"Don't be" Xander shook his head "I was too thick headed to notice Will until it was too late and she'd given up on me to "notice" Oz instead"
Giles looked even more surprised "Who the hell is Oz?"
Xander smiled "I'm not surprised she hasn't mentioned him, he dumped her and I don't think she's fully recovered after all this time"
"Let me get this straight" Giles wiped his fingers on his napkin "Willow fancied you and you didn't even notice her, she fancied Oz and he dumped her and now, not surprisingly, when I proclaim my "undying love" she decides she doesn't want to go through it all again!"
"It's not just that" Xander dropped his voice and beckoned Giles closer "Oz left her because he was a werewolf and lost control one night, nearly killing her. He left to protect her but she never really got over him"
Giles was stunned "Let me this even straighter" he started enumerating on his fingers. "Buffy fell in love with a vampire who killed my girlfriend and tortured me, so she sent him to hell, but he returned as a good guy again and she still loves him" he paused for breath and Xander nodded. "Willow fell in love with a werewolf who tried to kill her and she still has feelings for him?"
Xander nodded again "Still with you so far"
"Bloody hell!" Giles whispered fiercely "Next you'll be telling me Anya's a troll" he smiled to take the sting out of the remark but was mystified by Xander's awkward look around to check who was listening.
"Actually" he confided over the cappuccinos "She's a vengeance demon who lost her powers after you stranded her in this dimension but she doesn't hold it against you any more because she found me and gave up all thoughts of punishing men with anything but her chronic lack of tact." He checked to make sure Giles was still breathing "That's why you haven't met her yet because there was no way she would be able to keep any of this quiet and we didn't want to upset your healing process." He nodded as if this was a perfectly normal situation to be in. "Another cappuccino?" he asked.
"Do they serve anything stronger?" Giles asked weakly
"Oh, sure" Xander replied and headed off to order Giles a double espresso.
That evening the Scooby gang congregated around Giles' dining table and smiled knowingly at each other. "This is nice" Buffy said and nodded at the others.
"Yep" agreed Willow "Business as usual"
"Not quite" Xander said and looked around expectantly for the others to notice the missing item. "No pizza" he said in a hurt tone.
Just at this point Giles emerged from the kitchen carrying two large pizzas on plates in front of him. "Willow reminded me that we used to have pizza for these meetings so I prepared a couple but I wasn't sure of the correct toppings so they are both a mix of everything"
Xander stared with an open mouth "You can cook pizza" he asked, enunciating each syllable. He jumped up to help him carry one of the plates "I don't care which alien has taken over your body, he stays, OK!"
Giles laughed "I don't know why you are all so surprised, after all I am English and we do eat hot food you know"
Buffy and Willow exchanged knowing smiles around mouthfuls of hot pizza but Xander had lost interest in the topic under discussion and was trying to fit two slices into his mouth at once. "Oh, my god" he finally managed to gasp "Will you adopt me?"
"I think it's time we moved onto the business?" Giles asked then had to wait for much frantic chewing before receiving an answer.
Buffy filled him in on the previous couple of weeks of patrolling but ended with "It's been pretty weird" she took a drink. "After all we would normally expect all hell to break loose if a demon found out you were out of the game, but it's been really quiet, just the normal vampires trying to skulk about and hardly anything else".
Willow cleared her throat "Maybe that means something big is brewing?" she asked and looked questioningly at Giles
"Perhaps" he agreed and took his glasses off to polish them. He realised what he was doing and grinned at Willow before putting them back on. "Although" he continued "It could be that the last battle cleared out the biggest schemers for a while"
Everyone took a couple of minutes to think about this, and finish the pizza, before Giles asked "So what was the last battle about?" Xander and Buffy both looked at Willow.
She took a deep breath "It was a group of vampires who banded together to try to defeat the slayer once and for all" she stopped and checked to see if he was bothered by discussing this.
"Well we showed them!" he suggested and arched his eyebrow then smiled when everyone let out a breath they hadn't even realised they were holding. "It's very unusual for vampires to work together unless they have a leader, I wonder who was behind this display of teamwork?"
He looked around and finally stopped at Buffy, she was squirming a little and wouldn't meet his eyes "Buffy, perhaps you could enlighten me?"
"It wasn't really my fault and we all agreed that at the time" she began "Even you" she said, finally looking him in the eye.
She sighed and resigned herself to getting lectured for the mistake again "I was on patrol one night and came across a nest of vampires. I called you from the nearest phone and you rounded up the gang and headed over to meet me"
Willow took the story up for her "When we arrived you were looking through the window and trying to decipher the text they were reading from. They were kind of chanting and had made markings on the floor"
"What kind of markings?" Giles asked and got up from his chair to get one of his books.
"We never did identify them, that was kind of the problem" Willow faltered a little.
Buffy took a deep breath and continued "After about five minutes it seemed that they were getting ready to move out and we sorted out a plan to kill most of them but capture one to question about the markings. I was also supposed to get the book they were using"
Xander had finally finished eating and took the next stage of the story "So, we're all crouching outside this crypt waiting for the dead guys to come out when we get ambushed from behind by some of their friends. They seemed very organised for vampires and we pretty soon realised that they had a leader of some kind who was calling the shots."
Buffy took over "During the battle Willow went after the book, but a couple of vampires were defending it as if it was their bible. Anyway she got caught by one who was about to the necky thing when you managed to stake him and his friend" she smiled at Giles. "After that they seemed to crumble a bit and we finished up pretty quickly but one of the last vampires knocked over one of the torches as I dusted him and the crypt started to burn."
They all stopped for a moment to remember the night. "Willow had been knocked out during the fight and you gave her to me to get out while you went back for the book. Unfortunately, there was one vampire left and he was pretty upset that we were torching his condo. I went back in after you and hauled you out just as he went up in flames"
He smiled and touched her hand "Thank you, why was I mad at you for any of that, it seemed to turn out OK?"
She looked a little embarrassed "I dropped the book when I was carrying you out and then tripped over the last step and landed on top of you so you couldn't get back to rescue it"
"So, other than reminding me yet again that I was an uptight, tweed clad arse, what has this to do with the leader of the vampires who attacked you?"
Willow giggled a little "It was his gang of vampires that we had dusted" she explained. "They had been gathering disciples to this cult thing they had going. They were trying to get the vampires organised and stop all of the fighting amongst themselves"
"They were trying to unionise vampires!" he asked incredulously.
"I know, I know" Xander agreed "I said at the time that the minimum wage for night shift would price them out of the market but would anyone listen to me?"
"Actually it turned out to be a one off deal they were putting together" Buffy explained. "They wanted to get every vampire to come after us on one specific night and figured that, by weight of numbers alone, they would kill enough of us to make the slayer impotent for quite a while"
"And the book held the secret to their plan?" Giles asked.
"We think so" agreed Willow "After it was destroyed the vampires kind of drifted apart and started working as individuals again so we worked out that they had been held by some demonic force which was controlled by the book"
"Anyway" she continued "When the leader found out we had dusted some of his boys and the book, he was seriously ticked off".
"You were trying to find out more about him when you found a prophecy in a book which told of a demon working together with vampires to defeat the slayer and open a portal to the demon dimension"
"Which book?" Giles asked eagerly
"That was the weird thing" Willow looked at him very deliberately "You wouldn't tell me and you wouldn't let any of the rest of us look at it"
"But I thought you were research girl?" he asked as he racked his brain for the title of the book
"So did I" said Willow quietly "I did ask about it but you just went kind of quiet and wouldn't tell me anything else about it"
Xander broke the lengthening silence "Can you remember it now?"
Giles shook his head "No, I have no idea what it was nor why I would keep it hidden from any of you"
They talked for a few more minutes but mutually agreed that they should adjourn the meeting and let Buffy patrol with Xander while Giles and Willow hit the books.
When they were alone and Giles had taken the dishes back to the kitchen, Willow leaned on the counter and asked how he was feeling.
"Fine" he answered a little distractedly "I just can't understand what would have made me hide the details of the book like that"
"Don't worry about it, it'll come back to you eventually" she smiled at him and he felt his spirits lift a little at the encouragement.
They finished up the kitchen chores and returned to the lounge. Giles put on some music and, turning to Willow, asked "Would you like a glass of wine before we get started on the research?"
"Mmm, please" she answered and got comfortable on the sofa "I'm getting used to this" she murmured and smiled up at him as he handed her a wine glass.
"What?" he asked as he sat on the chair opposite her with a glass of scotch.
"You being sort of chilled about all of this stuff" she answered and sampled her wine "This is good!"
"What would we be doing now if I was the "before" me?" he asked
"We would have left the dishes in the sink and been knee deep in large tomes by now!" she looked over at him "Not that I mind that either, really, but this way I get the "after" then the "before" Giles all on the same night!"
They both concentrated on their drinks for a while before he sighed a little and took his glasses off "I was talking to Xander earlier and he mentioned Oz" he said quietly.
"Oh" was all she replied and he let the silence last for some time before he realised she wasn't going to add anything else.
"I'm sorry I've been moaning about "us" for the last few weeks and how I couldn't believe I hadn't taken my chance when I had it" he put his glasses back on and looked over towards her reclining form. "It simply never occurred to me that you may have made the choice for us by having chosen someone else." She still didn't look like providing any further information so he finished his whisky in one swallow, "You obviously don't want to talk about this and I understand that, so I'll just apologise for the last time for being so selfish and promise it won't happen again"
She looked up at him as he stood in front of the couch "It still hurts to think about him and I can't really talk about this stuff with you, not now"
He nodded "I'm sorry I brought it up but I needed you to know that we are back to being just friends with no pressure from me for anything else" he held out his hand to her "Come on, we'd better get started or we'll never get this done tonight"
The next two weeks settled into something closer to their normal routine than any of the previous two months. Buffy patrolled every night, with Xander occasionally helping. Willow and Giles tried to recreate his research pattern to find the book that he had refused to share with them and to check that the prophecy had been nullified by the defeat of the demons during the Gang's last battle. Xander also helped them out, especially when he had established that Giles' pizza making talents hadn't been a fluke and he really could cook. Giles eventually complained that they spent more time during one night researching new pizza toppings from recipe books than demon prophecies.
During all of this time Giles and Willow resumed their Watcher and Wicca apprentice relationship and both Buffy and Xander were a little confused at this return to previous behaviour.
One Friday night, after several hours chasing a promising lead that turned out to be a mistranslation in an old text, Buffy had agreed to walk Willow home. After a few minutes she turned to Willow "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question"
"Honestly, I think that your hair looks great like that!" Willow said with a positive nod of her head
Buffy laughed "No, I'm being serious here Will"
"OK" Willow sighed "Fire away with the personal stuff"
"What's up with you and Giles?" Buffy had stopped walking and was standing in front of Willow, barring her way.
"I don't know what you mean" Willow said, but wouldn't meet her eyes.
"Come on Will, I know you better than anyone else, I know how you felt about Giles before his accident"
Willow started to disagree but Buffy interrupted "Please, I was really happy for both of you when he woke up as sexy, suave, non-uptight guy who was obviously into you as much as you are into him"
Willow shook her head "I only ever had a stupid crush on him and, besides, he only acted that way at first because he had a collision with a tree trunk that blended his brains!"
"He had pretty much recovered from the worst effects of that by the time of the picnic and, although I was mad at him for treating you like that, I could tell how upset he was at hurting you and how much he wanted to make things right between you"
Willow shook her head "That was all my fault and just a stupid misunderstanding"
"Will that is the second time you've called your actions stupid and I can't believe that of you" Buffy guided her over to a bench and Willow sat down miserably. "I know you had a crush on him at the beginning but I kind of assumed that you were getting much closer than that in the months before his injury. After all, he saved you from the flames before he saved the vampire's book and I can't think of any greater display of Giles' true feelings than that!" she ended on a positive note.
Willow looked into Buffy's eyes and her friend was surprised by the depth of feeling she found there. "Please Buffy, whatever I may have felt for him before the accident, he is a different person now who can't possibly know his true feelings towards any of us until he gets all of his memories back"
Buffy argued "But he remembers all of the important stuff!"
Willow smiled "Important slayer stuff, I'll grant you he has most of that back, but what about his personal stuff?"
Buffy looked a little bemused "I thought he remembered about Jenny?"
"He does, but he still hasn't mentioned Olivia and Doctor Alexander said he still hasn't remembered the times they used to spend together" she paused for breath "And we don't know about any other "significant others" he may have had over the last six years which he can't remember"
"Oh come on" laughed Buffy "We're talking about Rupert Giles here, not exactly American Gigolo material is he?"
Willow started to giggle "Oh my god could you imagine him laying out his tweed suits on the bed before choosing the appropriate shirt, tie and socks to go with them?"
Both girls dissolved into giggles before Willow finally managed to pull herself together. "It's just fate that we aren't supposed to be together" she sighed.
Buffy pulled her chin round to make her meet the slayer gaze that she practised with her make up mirror on slow nights. "We are the Scooby Gang, we kick demon butt and laugh in the face of fate!"
Willow laughed "Good slogan, maybe we could get T-shirts made up?"
As Buffy shouted "Hey" Willow started to run to avoid the arm bashing she knew she was due. She had to admit to herself that Buffy was right but she couldn't expect anyone else to understand unless she told them about the argument she had lost with Giles.
Although she was brave enough to face a pack of vampires without much more than a cross and some herbs, she would not let anyone in on her heart breaking secret. No one would ever know that Giles had rebuffed her that night, especially Giles. He had made his feelings perfectly clear and she wouldn't take advantage of him during his recovery to fulfil her fantasies, after all when his memory finally returned completely he would probably be aghast at the intimacies they had shared so far.
Buffy decided to try attacking the problem from the other end. During her next training session with Giles she put in a little extra effort and he soon asked for a break. She smiled secretly and got him a bottle of water from the fridge. "You're nearly back to your best form" she informed him as she sat next to him.
"I think I'm better than I have been for some years, but you could still kick my butt if you really wanted to" he panted slightly and drank most of the water.
"OK" she agreed "While you keep that in mind tell me what's going on with you and Willow"
"None of your business" he said quietly and finished the water.
"Definitely my business" she said firmly and handed him her own, unopened bottle "Willow is my closest friend and you run her a pretty close second and I want you both to be happy" she paused to give him a chance to answer. "Everyone knew how you felt about her and you've made your feelings pretty clear since your accident, but there seems to be something stopping both of you and I want to help move things forward"
He looked at her for some time before using a towel to wipe his face and neck "I understand you want to fix this but there really isn't anything you can do" he handed her a clean towel and stood up. "I made a mistake and I've apologised to Willow for acting inappropriately during my recovery" he put his hand out to help her up. "My feelings have obviously been more seriously affected by my accident than I had realised and that's all there is to it" he gave this final phrase a definite tone to try and forestall any further discussion but he was reckoning without his slayer's determination.
"Rupert" she said softly and he turned to look at her in surprise. "Please, only a couple of weeks ago you were kissing her in the park and now you're both back to "normal" and miserable".
He shook his head "Trust me Buffy, Willow was just relieved by my recovery and her hard work to get me back on my feet meant we were working closely together" she started to protest but he continued speaking. "I know you're going to tell me that was always the case but she has only recently broken up with her boyfriend and this, coupled with the stress of taking on the responsibility of my well-being, probably caused her to believe she was experiencing something other than the deep friendship that we have" he paused to put on his sweatshirt. "My behaviour was completely unacceptable and selfish beyond belief and I won't continue in that manner and potentially ruin the friendship that we do have."
"But she still feels that way about you!" Buffy was getting exasperated. "She's miserable because she doesn't know how to deal with this and thinks the moral high ground lies in pretending she doesn't love you"
"It's a difficult time for all of us and we should try not to make any life changing decisions while we're still unsure of the dangers which may be round the corner!" he said, specifically meaning the prophecy.
"Welcome to the Hellmouth" Buffy said sadly. "If we all waited till life was certain and only good things were on the horizon then none of us would ever form friendships or fall in love." He didn't have an answer and she continued. "After all, we've both fallen in love with significant others since we've known each other and the bad stuff may be what everyone else remembers but we can keep the good moments with us for the rest of our lives, isn't that the point?"
They silently packed up the weapons they had trained with and he carried the large sports bag to the car. They were half way to Giles' home for lunch when he broke the silence. "I still can't remember how I really felt about Willow you know." She nodded. "It's the strangest thing because I remembered about Xander pretty quickly and I think you and I are back on a fairly "normal" footing" she nodded again. "You say that both Willow and I had feelings for each other before the accident and I'm prepared to believe that, after all, the dreams since the accident certainly seem to point in that direction."
"You've been dreaming about her?" she asked excitedly. "Giles you old dog, why didn't you tell me when I started on you earlier"
He looked sideways at her and smiled. "I didn't tell you because (a) it most particularly isn't any of your business who I dream about and (b) because Willow told me they were flashbacks to perfectly innocently explained incidents and not fantasies" he finished rather sadly.
"Whoa" Buffy reached out and touched his arm and he stopped the car and turned to face her. "You were having fantasies about Willow!"
"No, I thought I had just explained that I wasn't having fantasies about Willow" he explained patiently and removed his glasses.
"Did any of your "flashbacks" involve Willow in leather?" she asked innocently.
He squirmed a little and put his glasses back on before looking at her sternly. "If you must know a couple of them did but she explained about her vampire double from another dimension and that she was dressed as a ghost during Ethan's Halloween attack"
Buffy smiled at his discomfort. "Last question, I promise" she said sweetly. "Did you ever wonder how dressing as a ghost for Halloween led to her walking through your wall in a leather mini?"
She waved her hand in front of his face after a couple of minutes to get his attention and he coughed a little apologetically. "Yes, well, I'm sure there is a perfectly simple explanation" he looked at her to provide one but she was looking far too smug for his liking and he realised she was planning on letting him stew on this for a while.
When she finally did speak she simply asked "Are we going to your place for lunch, I'm starving"
After dropping her off at the dorm later that afternoon he kept driving until he left Sunnydale and was heading through desert. He stopped at a gas station to refuel the car and bought a couple of bottles of water. He checked with the garage owner that it was OK to leave his car for an hour or so and headed up the large hill behind the squat buildings. He had lifted his suede jacket and carried it, along with the water, as he headed off at a stiff pace for the peak. After ten minutes he was sweating and beginning to regret his impulse but he wouldn't give up until he reached the top. Ten minutes later he sat down on an outcrop of rock and stared at the valley unfolding below him. When he had recovered his breath he moved further along the plateau and had to admit that the panoramic view was breathtaking. “If only they had some grass” he smiled to himself and fondly remembered the Lake District from family holidays of years before. Finding a large boulder near the farthest edge of the plateau he sat down against it and pulled his wallet from his jacket pocket. He sighed as he looked at the group photograph of them from a couple of years before. He was sitting at the reading table in the old school library and Xander was standing behind him, pretending to read over his shoulder. His mock studious look had caused Buffy and Willow to burst out laughing and Jenny had glanced up from her book to see what everyone was laughing at. Oz had quietly said his name and Giles had looked up to see what he wanted. It was at this point that Oz had taken the photograph, much to Buffy and Willows annoyance. Something to do with a hair crisis he seemed to remember. He laughed to himself at the memory and studied the faces gazing out at him from the slightly crinkled photo. He noticed Jenny's amusement at his impatience with Xander and realised how much he had lost when she was taken from him. Their relationship may never have blossomed into anything but it would certainly have been intriguing to spend more time with her.
Memories of the others were still returning every day and he sighed, putting the photograph away again. He stared at the scenery for a while and tried to understand why he should 'miss' Willow more than any of the others. He shook his head and took another drink of water. He could rationalise missing Jenny, or even hankering after the green rolling hills of the English countryside, but he knew that he had lost something in both these cases. Willow had made it very clear that they had nothing of that kind in their past for him to mourn the passing of. Although she clearly had feelings for him, they were probably being magnified by their constantly being near each other and her concern over his recovery.
As the sun started to sink towards the town he stood and put his jacket on. He checked that the wallet, and photo, were safe in his pocket and trudged back down the hill. He waved to the garage owner and turned his car back towards the town. There was only one way to resolve this and, if it meant giving her some distance to resolve her feelings, so be it. He sighed as he turned into the apartment parking lot. He just hoped she would come up with the answer he wanted.
Buffy was pleased with her morning's work and assumed that Giles would take her advice to heart and move things along with Willow. She was not too concerned when Willow dropped out of the next night's research project. She wasn't even too concerned when Giles made his excuses and missed the team lunch after their next training session. It was only when Xander asked her if there had been an argument between them that she realised they had been avoiding each other all week.
"I thought they would be all over each other by now" she suggested, then explained her plan to Xander.
He shook his head wearily and put his hand on her shoulder "You have much to learn grasshopper." He nodded towards a table and sat down opposite her. "You are dealing with the two most intelligent people we know" she nodded her agreement. "They are dealing with the most basic of all emotions" she nodded again but was getting an impatient look on her face. "Add those two things together and you have two people who can't rely on their brains for once and who are, therefore, lost and scared." A clear understanding of the truth of what he said suddenly dawned on her face and he sat trying to look wise as befit his newly found "love guru" status.
Buffy decided that she needed some bigger guns to help in this particular battle and made a call to Doctor Alexander. He gave her directions to his office and she made an appointment for the next day.
She wasn't really sure how to start and looked at the certificates on his wall for a couple of minutes. Eventually he coughed "Was there anything specific you needed to see me about?"
She nodded "Uhuh" and continued wondering around the office with no apparent intention of settling down to the subject at hand.
He tried again "I'm guessing it's about Rupert?"
Sighing she finally looked at him "I need your help" she admitted.
"OK" he said, indicating a seat "You know I'll do anything I can to help Rupert, what do you need?"
"Really its about the unusual behaviour traits you warned us to keep an eye out for" she shifted uncomfortably on the chair. He sat down in his own chair and indicated that she could continue.
"I don't know how well you knew Giles before the accident but he was one of my closest friends" she stated this with a determined nod and looked straight at him to see his reaction. "Willow is my best friend and they have both been acting really weird since the accident and I need your help to try and figure out why" she finished in a rush.
"I'm not sure I'll be able to help with Willow, after all she's not a patient of mine, but I'll do what I can" he reassured her.
She accepted his statement and decided that it was good enough to let her continue. "Although they would both deny it Willow and Giles were growing closer together before his accident" she looked down at her hands. "I mean we were all working very closely together on a project so it wasn't just the amount of time they were spending together." He sensed that there was a large part of this story she would not tell him, but he also knew that she expected him to help her anyway.
"Nothing was ever said but I just kind of expected them to get together in a romantic, lip locking kind of way" she continued to look at him and he shrugged his shoulders.
"I'm not that kind of a doctor, perhaps you should get them both to see a relationship counsellor?" he was a little bemused and even more surprised as she stood up again and started to pace.
"NO" she said with considerable vehemence. "The problem is that since the accident they seemed to be getting closer and now they are avoiding each other completely" she realised that this didn't make the situation any clearer and paced with more determination.
"I know I'm not explaining this very well but I think that the changes in Giles' personality are affecting him most clearly in his relationship with Willow and I'm concerned that he won't ever get over this last hurdle to his recuperation unless he realises that he isn't behaving normally" she finished as she arrived at his desk and put her hands on it to emphasise her point.
"Exactly how do you think Rupert has changed and in what way does it affect his relationship with Willow?" he asked quietly and she sank back into the chair with some relief.
"He's been laid back and much more.. well kind of.. in a way.." she faltered and then made a conscious decision to continue what she had started "Actually he's less British!"
He looked a little startled and then started to laugh. "Believe it or not I think I know what you mean" he said as he continued to laugh. She looked immensely relieved.
"I mean it's been great to have him so much less tense and intense about everything" she continued "but it's not our Giles and its really thrown Willow for a loop"
"I still don't think there is anything I can do to help" the doctor said apologetically. "I have spoken to both Willow and Rupert about this and he feels immensely guilty about causing her pain but he can't do anything about it either" he explained.
She looked a little lost and he sighed "I'm really sorry, I don't like to see either of them hurt, but it really can only be resolved by him getting the rest of his memories back and then making the decisions he has to make."