KISS THE LIBRARIAN
Laura Smith
"Did I mention that I was really, really sorry?" Willow looked up at Giles, her green eyes pleading with him. "I did, right?"
"You did."
"Okay." She turned her attention back to the car in front of her. She knew a little about cars and had done her research on it, but something about looking down at the mass of metal and oil that made up the engine was horrifying. "And you think that making your car pretty and changing the oil will make up for all of what I did?"
"And the cookies."
"Oatmeal or chocolate chip?"
"Willow," he growled affectionately at her, unable to sustain his irritation. She looked adorable, wearing a pair of gray coveralls and a gray painter's cap, her glorious hair pulled back in a stubby ponytail and a smudge of grease on her nose.
"I would never…knowingly wish that on you, Giles. And, I mean, having to put up with the whole Buffy and Spike thing. I mean, Angel was bad enough, but they were just sickening. From what I heard. Not that Buffy and Xander are really all that talkative to me right now."
"They'll come around."
"Are you sure? They don't have cars for me to atone with."
He chuckled, leaning back against the step behind him. "They're your friends. They'll forgive you."
"For the wishes. But what about the other stuff? I said some mean things to Xander. And I tried to drown my sorrows…"
"Yes, about that…"
"No! No drowning. I wasn't doing anything." She blushed again and ducked her head, hiding from him behind the bill of her cap. Peeking out, she couldn't help but smile. He looked so good in the sun. Rested and slightly tan, his face relaxed and younger looking. "I was out of control, wasn't I?"
"You're young. It was bound to happen sooner or later."
"On a scale of one to…say Eghyon? How bad was I?"
His face tightened and she immediately regretted her words. She was about to apologize when he raised his hand to stop her. "About a five. Had you become a vengeance demon however, I'm afraid you'd be in the lead."
"Whew!" She wiped her forehead, smearing grease all over her pale skin.
"Willow," he shook his head. "You've got more grease on you than in the engine. Perhaps you're more dangerous around my car than you should be."
"I can't make it run any worse."
"Come inside and get cleaned up." He got off the steps and started for the door, looking over his shoulder to make sure that she was following him. She had a contemplative look on her face. "What?"
"What was it like?"
"Frightening."
She listened to his voice, hating herself. Her whispered reply was too soft to reach him. "I'm sorry, Giles."
***
Willow stood in the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror. Oz's leaving had destroyed her. Not just because he'd gone, but because so much of who she had become was wrapped up in being Oz's girlfriend. Brushing the thought from her mind, she looked intently at her face. The oil smudges stood out in high relief against her skin.
She was about to call out to Giles to ask him a question when she caught sight of something in the mirror. A yellow cup sat near the bathtub, emblazoned with dark red letters. She turned around and picked it up, a small smile dancing across her face.
She'd snuck into the library when Giles was at a meeting with Snyder. She'd found the perfect gift for him and wanted to make sure he got it with as little embarrassment as possible. Making sure no one else was there, she slipped into his office, dug the mug out of her bag and filled it with assorted tea bags and candies.
That done, she's left as quickly and quietly as possible, unable to control her grin, wondering what Giles would say, if he'd know who it was from.
And he'd never mentioned it once.
She'd just assumed it had been tossed out or destroyed when they blew up the school, since she'd never seen it since. But here it was, big as life, sitting in his bathroom.
"I think of you whenever I use it."
She looked up at his words, her green eyes sparkling. "I didn't know you still had it. I thought maybe…"
"Well, I didn't want Xander to see it and try to take advantage of a potentially awkward situation." He grinned and moved over to sit beside her on the edge of the bathtub. "I don't believe I ever thanked you for it, did I?"
"No."
"So we both have something to atone for."
"I think I have the bigger sin here." She grinned. "I mean, forgot to thank you for the cup versus, whoops! Made you blind! On a scale of one to…"
"Eghyon?" He took the cup from her hands and ran his finger over the lettering. "No one ever did, you know? After I got it? And now, they can't, as I'm not. Although I suppose I might have a job to go back to once the high school is rebuilt."
"Do you think the bomb affected the Hellmouth at all?"
"Not sure. I've done a little research and, I have to say, the lack of vampiric activity has made me think that it's not as active as it could be, but I honestly don't know. And, should it be lying dormant waiting for one single cataclysmic event to ignite, I don't know that I want to know."
Willow sighed. "When they said life was rough, they were talking just about us, weren't they?"
"Quite possibly." He stared down at the mug, a small smile on his face. "If you had told me, four years ago, that two completely different vampires would have standing invitations to my house, that I'd be hanging out with a reformed vengeance demon, a witch and, on occasion, a werewolf, I would have laughed at you. I would have thought you were completely crazy."
"And now?"
"Now I just think I need to get out more to make some normal friends."
"And maybe a girlfriend?"
The soft lilt to her voice brought Giles' eyes up. "Would it bother anyone, do you think? If I found someone?"
"Well, would she be evil?"
"I rather doubt it." He continued rubbing the lettering on the mug, a contemplative look on his face. "I never thought, as a Watcher, that I'd have time to be lonely."
"I'm lonely too," she admitted. "Not just Oz, although that's a big part. Buffy's got the Slayering which, although I can help with, I can't really understand and then there's Riley. And Angel. Xander's trying to grow up and he's got Anya, which I find a little disconcerting. I'm feeling a little left out, I guess."
"Really?"
"When I was with Oz, no matter what else was going on in my life, I was Oz's girlfriend. I had a role and a purpose. Now I'm just Willow again."
"Willow is a lovely thing to be."
"I guess. I…I just haven't been just Willow in a long time and the last time I was, I'm not sure if I liked me all that much. I've grown up a lot and changed, but I don't know how to deal with those changes without Oz."
Giles reached over and took her hand in his, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. "Being Oz's girlfriend wasn't who you were, Willow. It was just a part of what you did."
"And now everything is different," she went on, not acknowledging his words. "I hardly see Xander, Buffy's got all this stuff going on and you…well, you and I fight all the time, when I'm not obliterating your senses."
"We argue, but it doesn't mean we don't respect each other."
She turned her face and looked at him, then down at the cup in his hands. "What does it mean then?"
His own honest answer came to mind, but he ignored it. "We trust one another, we disagree. You're growing up, learning more. You have your own opinion, now based on facts and experience. And while we don't always agree and I'm usually right, it is a valid opinion."
"You're not usually right!" She released his hand, looking angry. "I'm right sometimes. Sometimes lots."
"Of course," he started, his smile lifting the corners of his mouth.
"You're humoring me, aren't you?" She got off the edge of the tub, pushing on his shoulder and sending him tumbling back into it. "I can't believe you!"
"Ow."
"Oh Giles, I'm sorry." She knelt down and touched his knee, her eyes remorseful. "Oh God. I keep…with the hurting. I'm sorry."
"Just…just help me up?"
Willow stood and took his hand, pulling him free of the tub. He winced as he sat back on the edge of it, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm so sorry. I'm…oh God. I'm evil. And horrible. I'm sorry, Giles."
"Willow," he held up his hand to stop her words. "I'm all right. No real harm done. Just…" he stopped, looking down at his feet where the mug she'd given him had landed when he fell back. It was shattered into several pieces, none of which were salvageable. "Oh dear."
Tears filled her eyes. "Oh." She backed away slowly then turned and ran toward the door. Giles stood and chased after her, catching her before she could disappear.
"Willow!"
Her grease stained face looked up at his. Her lower lip trembled slightly. "Y…yes?"
"It's all right. Not a cookie necessary."
"But I blinded you then I hurt you then I broke your mug and all it ever did was tell you how I felt about you and now you won't ever know and everything's wrong and I can't believe I just told you that and now I'm going to be making cookies until I die which can't be too soon, because only the good die young and I'll never be good because I'm so evil and…"
Her words stopped as Giles lowered his head and let his lips hover just above hers. "Shush."
"Bu…"
"Willow." Giles' smile was warm and inviting, his breath soft on her lips. "Shut up and kiss the librarian."