Part 21
Their suitcases sat unpacked in the hallway. Giles and Ethan sat at the dining room table, an unopened bottle of tequila sitting between them.
Ethan sighed and carefully balanced a lemon on the table, "What now?"
"What we usually do."
"Get drunk?" Ethan's lemon started spinning on its own, "Ah another weekend down the bloody drain."
Giles looked up, several weekends spent drunk with Ethan were beginning to take their toll. His face was lined and puffy. Too much to drink and too little sleep made his eyes red-rimmed and glassy. Ethan wasn't faring any better. His thin body began to look a bit paunchy and he was sporting a two-day beard, "We've looked everywhere. I'm beginning to think we should give up."
"Ripper, let's not go down that road again shall we?" Ethan was way past patience with Giles. However much Ethan wanted to run from this, he couldn't. The fact was, he was overwhelmingly in love with Willow and Giles. Ethan's world was turned upside-down.
Willow proved to be elusive. The first thing Giles and Ethan did when they returned to the apartment was to divine a direction she could have gone in.
However, Giles was so agitated over Buffy, they kept getting false readings. By the time Ethan adjusted for it, the trail was cold.
Over the course of four months, they searched every witch store, haunt and wicca circle in California. Nothing came up, not a breath or a wisp of Willow anywhere. If Buffy had been speaking to Giles, or if Giles had been honest with Willow… Well, all that was past and they were stuck in a dead end.
"Rupert," Giles turned around, and then rolled his eyes, Ethan had a whole table full of dancing objects, "Lets call it a day."
Giles was about to answer, when the door knob rattled, and the knocker clanked against the wood. Suddenly Buffy was there inside the apartment regarding the two men warily. "Why do you keep the door locked? A girl could get cold standing out there."
"Buffy.." Giles tried to get up. She was there. Was his exile over?
"Don't get up... yet," she nodded to Ethan, his eyes went wide with surprise, even more so when Buffy smiled at him.
Buffy was holding a piece of paper in her hands, "Here, if she were here, she'd kill me," Buffy threw Willow's letter between the tequila and the glasses, "Read it and weep, I know I have."
Giles unfolded the letter carefully. Its edges were ragged showing it had been read many times. Giles twirled it in his fingers not wanting to read it, knowing that he was so close to Willow right then that he could smell her.
Ethan took the letter from him, putting it to his nose and inhaling deeply, "Okay, I'll read it. I don't know what Willow sees in you."
**Dear Buffy,
Hey here I am. I'm okay and stuff. I have a great big apartment and a really cool view. You can see all the way to the ocean. I got your last care package, thanks.
I'm so tired.
Truth is I'm not sure what to do now? What do you do when someone takes your life away? I don't cry as much anymore. Why should I? I've cried enough. I think my heart is a stone where nothing can grow. I just wanted someone to love me. I still love them. I know you say that's pathetic, that they don't deserve me. The truth is, I must have been wicked and this is my payback.
Forgive me for rambling. I'm going now, time for work. Don't tell them where I am, okay? They would try to apologize and that would make me more pathetic then I already am.
Love,
Willow**
Both Giles and Ethan were silent. Buffy regarded them with sadness "You love her, go get her. She's suffering, you're suffering. I can't let her die, and your the ones to stop it, " she put the letter in Giles' hand, "She lives in San Francisco."
Ethan was suddenly on his feet so fast the chair he sat on crashed to the ground. Giles was already stuffing his arms into his tweed jacket. They couldn't get out of there fast enough. Standing on the front steps while Ethan brought his car around Giles kissed Buffy on her forehead, "What's that for?"
"Forgiveness," he said smiling.
"You love her, I love her. But if you two fuck this up, I will tear your heads off and spit down your necks."
Giles cringed, "Buffy!"
"It's a promise," she smiled and ran off.
Giles said a silent prayer, "I promise if you let us find her, we will never leave her alone again.
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Part 22
Willow hiked up her fin for the umpteenth time. The green and yellow sequins that covered her mermaid tail kept catching on the fishnet veil that hung down from her blond wig. Tiny shell earrings dangled from her ears and the ensemble came complete with a shell bra that moved when Willow didn't want it to. Consequently she flashed quite a few wedding guests until Sophie taped it down.
Willow was supposed to be a vision of ocean loveliness, however she looked like a dockside hooker. All the wedding servers were dressed as creatures of the sea, right up to the lobster costumed chef. Willow would gladly have donned the French Maid outfit if she knew *this* would have been the alternative, 'Sophie is going to pay for this,' Willow silently promised.
She struggled up the bar with a tray full of empty glasses only to receive another tray covered with full ones. The music was blaring, "Oh its only a paper moon..."
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"…hanging over a cardboard sea," Ethan glanced over at Giles who looked like he'd smelt something terrible.
"Oh God Ripper. This is awful," Ethan exclaimed, as they sat around one of the little round tables that dotted the dance floor. Overhead loomed a giant cardboard clown fish and the top of the table was strewn with seaweed and shells.
"For once I agree with you," Giles muttered. He didn't want to be here when there was so much of San Francisco to search. They'd only been there two days, and had gotten some leads on Willow but nothing panned out. They needed to find her and quick. Giles figured that when they met up with her there'd be nothing left of Willow to save.
However, Giles was rapidly losing his faith that they would ever find her. Staking out her P.O. box did nothing. She stopped using it weeks before, when her mail started to be automatically forwarded to her office. The Postmaster was adamant, no one was going to get any information out of him. Ethan and Giles ended up going away disappointed.
They only went to the wedding to talk to one of Ethan's sorcerer friends, in the hopes of conjuring up another spirit guide, "Is there any chance of leaving early?" Giles asked.
"Have another drink old boy, I'm sure my friend will find us," Ethan tried to be reassuring, but even he felt it was hopeless. Willow did not want to be found.
Giles raised his hand and a raven-haired mermaid approached the table, "What's your pleasure?" she purred.
"I'm starting to develop a liking for fish." Ethan answered before Giles could order. "What's your name love?" Ethan was exuding charm.
"It's Sophie, you bad boy, " she teased back. "What do you two sailors want?"
"Hmmm how's the fish?" Ethan was roaming all over her body with his eyes.
Sophie colored brightly, "Not for sale," she laughed. "But my friend could use a pick-me-up. How do you feel about redheads?"
Giles bowed his head. Forever would he think of losing Willow when someone mentioned redheads. Ethan's face fell. He was trying, but Willow was truly the one he wanted. "I love redheads," he replied quietly, "However, I think we could use another round."
Not noticing the sudden change of mood, Sophie smiled warmly at the two men, "Well I'll send her over with more drinks. Scotch?"
"Can you bring the bottle?" Giles asked, his voice distant and strained.
"Sure, it's extra, but for you two it's on the house…er…clam shell," grimacing Sophie turned smartly and walked away.
They looked at each other sadly as the DJ started playing, "Dreaming of You".
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Part 23
"Hey watch it you big doofuss!" Willow stood there as assorted drinks dripped down the front of her costume.
"Sorry," the merman stammered, running away.
"You should be, you-you-you…" however, her words were spoken to empty air.
Using a bar towel, Willow started to sponge up the excess alcohol from her tail. "Stupid," she mumbled suddenly wanting to go home. It was a place she felt safe. Sure it was lonely, but it was better than being jarred apart by noisy drunks, and angry guests. She wanted to go home, lie still and wait for her pain to end.
Her illness was especially acute during the weekends when all Willow had to do was to play servant to wedding after wedding.
"Hey Chica," Sophie said plunking her tray on the bar, "How ya like the trip so far?"
"I want to go home."
Sophie frowned, "Why? We still have to do the hula," she wiggled her hips and extended her arms to the left and right, trying to be graceful, "What are you doing?"
"I got dunked in Mai-Tai juice by that mer-guy over there," Willow indicated the all-too-muscular merman who was making a date with one of the wedding guests. Suddenly as if his costume were gripped by invisible hands, his merman tail was jerked to the ground revealing nothing but a jockstrap with a pair of rolled up sweat socks tucked inside it.
Willow looked at Sophie who whistled innocently, "Sophie…"
"Forget that guy," Sophie turned Willow around, "I have some older guys that will knock you over!"
"Guys?" Willow stopped, "No more guys!"
Sophie kept propelling Willow forward, "I know what you're thinking, but these guys are different-they're older."
Willow dug in her heels, "I've done that, been all the way there! Don't want to go again."
"Willow, don't be so stubborn, you need this," Sophie gave her a massive shove.
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"Rupert old boy, tomorrow we'll look up an old girlfriend of mine…"
Giles countered, "No Ethan, tomorrow we'll sleep late, get up, and go back to Sunnydale and forget this nonsense of ours."
Ethan knew this was Giles' way of saying, 'No more pain for now.'
He turned to Giles, and noticed that he was looking especially tired and wan, "All right old man," Ethan said tenderly, standing up holding the cuffs of his shirt before putting on his tuxedo jacket.
"Can we go home now?" Giles asked Ethan who was admiring two women advancing towards their table. One of them was pushing, while the other was resisting.
"I'll get the car," Ethan turned just as Sophie pushed Willow forward. As their bodies collided, Ethan automatically held out his arms to steady her, "Are you all right?" he began to say, and then noticed Giles staring incredulously at the girl.
"Willow!" Giles said harshly. He jerked forward to grab her, wanting to hold on for the rest of his life.
She was thin and pale, but real and solid and felt good in Ethan's arms. He pulled her to him almost crying with relief.
"Oh god no!" she croaked, fighting herself free of Ethan, "Oh god no!"
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Part 24
Willow backed up past Sophie, horrified that they'd found her. Giles and Ethan were advancing while she was retreating.
"Willow please let us explain," Giles was holding his arms out thinking that if he could just hold on to her…
Ethan was suddenly stopped by Sophie standing in front of him. "What's going on? You know her?"
"Know her? We love her!" Ethan barely croaked the words out, he was
frightened Willow was going to run again, "Please love?" he implored, "Don't go."
Willow looked around wildly, Sophie was still blocking Ethan's progress, but Giles was still coming towards her. She thought there wasn't any chance of them looking for her, nonetheless finding her. Her agony burst inside her as tears flowed down her face. This can't be happening!
Giles was concentrating all his energy on Willow, trying to stop her from running, "We can talk about this."
"No, no." Willow shook her head violently. There wasn't anything they could say.
"Leave her alone." Sophie began furiously, her voice cutting through the air abruptly.
That broke the panic Willow was trying to contain. Glancing frantically around the room, she spotted the kitchen door and ran for it, seeking escape.
Giles and Ethan were galvanized into action, they both bolted forward, Ethan knocking Sophie to the ground.
The swinging doors leading to the kitchen hit blasted open hitting the walls behind with a hollow thud. Willow knew she had only a moment before they would be after her. Running through the aisles, she broke through the back door and jumped the stairs down to the street. The air was wet and cold with the night mist from the ocean, but Willow hardly registered it as she frantically tried to hail a cab.
Giles got through the kitchen door before Ethan did. Looking around the bright room, he saw no sign of Willow. Ethan came through a few seconds later, "Did you catch her?"
"She not here!" Giles was in agony; they almost had her.
Ethan sighed in frustration, "We can't let her go."
"What can we do? She's gone." Giles ran towards the back door, pulling it open with force, "No sign of her."
Ethan pushed past him and stood on the street. The rain was starting to fall steadily. "Wait, I see her!" He shouted. There she was, a distant figure running up the street.
She'd had a start on them. But that didn't matter, through the rain, Giles and Ethan ran. They ran after the only thing that mattered to them.
Once Willow was at the top of the hill, she paused to catch her breath. The rain was coming down harder, and she knew she only had seconds to reach her apartment. Suddenly she was throw off her feet by a wall of water that was splashed up by a passing bus. Willow tumbled down a side hill, over and over before jamming her knee into a fire hydrant.
Giles stopped running suddenly consumed with pain, "Ethan," he croaked, "She's fallen somewhere."
"Where?" Ethan ran back to help Giles. Looking up, he could no longer see Willow running, "Up ahead?"
Giles shook his head yes, "Come on mate, we've got to hurry," Ethan said, as he desperately dragged Giles up the remaining yards of the hill.
Ethan let Giles lean against as stop sign as he searched physically and mentally for Willow. Her signature of pain was evident somewhere a head of them, but he wasn't as attuned to her as Giles was, "Ripper, I need you," he called.
Giles staggered up to him. Willow's pain was something he couldn't let go of, "Ethan, I-I-I c-can't."
"Rupert, please. Willow's out there dying," Ethan forced Giles' hands
against his own. Once connected Ethan used Giles' power as well as his own to find the direction Willow went in. He grunted in pain as Willow's agony surged through him like a hot knife through butter. Ethan pushed it down and found that Willow stood out like a beacon in the darkness. She was up ahead of them out on the leeward side of the hill.
Giles felt it too, and together they flew down the hill ignoring the rain, the ground they walked on, the pain Willow felt, the sky, and everyone that happened to get in their way.
Willow picked herself up slowly, her knee was torn and bloody. She was only a few yards away from her apartment complex. The keys were in her hand before she could register anything and she went forward into sanctuary.
She'd barely got through the door of her apartment when she collapsed on the floor. A small black and white kitten pawed at her blond wig mewing. Willow kicked the door closed with her foot.
The cool wood floor calmed Willow's hot and angry body. She was bruised and battered in mind and spirit. There was no escape. No matter where she went Giles and Ethan would follow, pitying her. Their apologies and pledges of friendship were something she didn't need, or want. What she wanted was their love, and that was not to be.
Willow crawled to the couch leaving a wet a bloody trail. It was only a few feet away, but in her state it seemed like miles. She'd barely got on the couch when the door burst open and Giles and Ethan stood there sopping wet.
"Willow!" Giles exclaimed, as he lurched forward. Ethan followed slamming the door behind him.
Oh god. They'd found her. Willow went pale and her heart made frightened jerks and thumps in her chest. She hastily forced herself into the smallest space possible.
"No! Don't touch me!" Willow hunched up on the couch trying to move away from Giles' outstretched hands.
Ethan moved forward as well, "Oh god, Willow you're hurt," the couch was beginning to get stained from her knee.
"Please get away from me. Please!" she struggled up from the couch, and deftly avoided being caught by Giles. They wanted to hold her, comfort her. They were so very glad to have found her alive.
However, to have them there was a pain that almost burst Willow apart. She edged towards the bathroom. "Willow please! We aren't going to hurt you. We love you," Giles was desperate, she was still running away.
"You don't love me, you pity me! I don't want your pity," Willow cried, stumbling into the bathroom and slamming the door. She spelled it shut and frantically started opening the bathroom window.
"What now?" Ethan asked following Giles to the door.
Giles pounded on the door, "We're not leaving. We love you and want you to come back with us. Please love, please?"
"It's not going to budge, she spelled it shut," Ethan pushed against the bathroom door, "We need to find another way, she is loosing blood and energy she doesn't have."
Willow pushed hard and the window shot up. Putting her foot on the trash can, she heaved herself out on the fire escape. The wind and rain whipped around her. It was an easy drop to the ground, but Willow could only see one way out...the roof.
Sensing her intent, Giles and Ethan were out the door and on their way up. Knowing that they only had seconds to stop her.
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Part 25
Here Willow was perched between a chance for heaven and the promise of hell. She climbed up the fire escape to the roof, looking all the time for Giles and Ethan to follow her.
She'd run out of time, and out of exits. The hard rain had slowed to a sprinkle. Once at the top Willow had to step carefully. It was ironic how the pain in her knee and the pain in her heart felt the same. Despite that a strange sort of calm had descended upon her. She knew what to do, and she had to do it quickly.
The lights from the city turned the low clouds a reddish hue, and they raced across the sky. It was simply a matter of getting up on the building ledge and going over. Willow hoped the ride would be quick.
She tore off the blond wig, and threw it down to the street mentally counting the moments until it hit. Three seconds... She looked out over the city again, bidding goodbye to all that had meant something to her, and all that had caused her suffering.
"Willow don't..." Giles was just behind her, holding out his arms. He and Ethan had taken the stairs two at a time. Ethan broke the door to the roof with one wave of his hand. They advanced cautiously when they saw Willow standing on the roof-ledge.
She looked at the two men standing there. Both had expressions of anguish on their faces. "I have to, don't you see? I can't live in this world. My love for you is still here."
Willow looked frail standing up there with the wind and the rain. Her
costume clung to her body awkwardly. It seemed to Ethan that she'd already jumped and part of her spirit lingered to tell them to "fuck off".
Ethan knelt down on both knees, hands out, imploring her. Tears of fear ran down his face. He'd never fought so hard for anything in his life. If she died, no one would love him, and no one would take the place of her in his heart. It was time to confess...
"I am a very bad man Willow, worse that you cold ever imagine. But, when I touched your lips for the first time I knew what heaven was and I wanted it badly. I swear on everything I hold sacred that you are the first and only woman I have ever loved. If you love me for a second, it would be worth all the tortures of a lifetime of evil to know that you loved me..." Ethan tried to look at her, but tears clouded his vision, "Don't leave me please... I'll never find love again...."
Willow started to cry, "Why... why...?"
Giles was also on his knees, "I didn't know how to love anyone. I was afraid that it would disgust you or chase you away. I love you so desperately, I can't live without you anymore. Please don't do this, I need you... I-I want...." Giles couldn't go on. He felt that he'd lost her already and started to sob softly...
"A-all I wanted was to love s-someone. I love both of you until I-I can't see anymore. J-just love me.... love *me*," Willow cried to the sky, her teeth chattering with cold and fear. They loved her but she was so shrouded in pain she didn't know what to do.
Willow looked at Giles and then at Ethan. Each man wore a mask of pain. Willow looked so helpless standing out there on the ledge clinging to ideas that no longer mattered. The wind whipped up again, cold and grabbing. Shivering, she looked up to the sky, took a deep breath, and jumped...
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Part 26
Sometimes a person has to take a leap of faith...
Willow jumped back onto the roof and into the waiting arms of Giles and Ethan. They held her tightly for a long time on that roof, crying with relief. They reaffirmed their love many times over, as the rain started coming down again. She'd made her decision. If she were to die, it would be in the arms of the ones she loved, whether they loved her back or not, "M-my love is big enough for all of us." she sobbed, trying to catch her breath.
They carried her back to her apartment, kissing her with joy. Once inside, Giles made her sit while he dashed into her room to find a towel. Ethan deftly removed the remains of her costume, and jewelry.
To Willow's surprise Ethan hefted her up and carried her to the bathroom door, "You need to open it Love. That wound needs cleaning." he indicated her knee.
Exhausted but still functioning, she broke the spell that held the door shut. Ethan gently laid her on the bidet while he turned the tap on the tub, "Rupert, we're in here," he called when he heard Giles exclaim surprise in the living room.
The relief on his face when he entered the bathroom was too much for Willow and she started to laugh. Sitting there naked, with Giles and Ethan sopping wet and dirty, broke down the anxiety she'd been feeling, "Are you going to join me?" she asked, softly.
"Not this time Love. You need medical attention," Giles admonished.
"My kit is in my jacket Ripper," Ethan directed Giles to fetch it for him, "Do you have bandages?"
Willow nodded and Ethan reached over her to get them out of the medicine cabinet. He carefully set her down into the full tub, being careful not to get her knee all the way wet. Giles came into the bathroom with more towels and a bottle of alcohol, "I'll get her cleaned up, you go get ready," he ordered Ethan.
Willow arched her eyebrows, "Ready?" she questioned.
"You'll see," was all Giles said before he commenced washing her off. He was surprisingly gentle with her, often stopping to kiss her deeply before sponging the soap off her skin.
"Are you going to bind me again?" Willow asked, brushing her wet hair back from her face. She was vulnerable at this point and didn't want anything to bring back the agony of earlier.
Giles heard the tone in her voice and laughed gently cupping her face with her hands. "No love, it won't be as drastic as last time. We'll just give you and energy boost, you've stopped wasting..." Giles couldn't finish the thought, the joy of finding her again welled up in him and he kissed her like a man who'd found nirvana.
Ethan was waiting for them in the living room when Giles had finished washing her off. The "kit" he'd mentioned was a traveling surgeon's pack, with a pre-threaded needle, hemostat, and anti-biotic syringe. Willow shivered a bit in her towel, "Don't worry," Ethan purred pressing his fingers behind her knee.
The throbbing pain ceased as her leg went numb. Ethan put a few stitches in her leg, and gave her a shot. He did this so easily that she looked at him for an explanation. Giles provided it for him when Ethan blushed.
"Didn't you know? Ethan's a doctor. Well not licensed of course. Something about telling a hypochondriac that she was going to turn into a lizard?
"Snake actually," Ethan got up, "You two must keep it quiet, all right?" The only answer her got was a burst of laughter from Giles and Willow.
After a shared shower, Ethan and Giles came back into the living room to find Willow fast asleep. Giles carried her to the bedroom and gently laid her down. Then they snuggled close to her, one on either side, arms tangled together. Explanations would wait until morning.
Giles said it first, "I love you Willow, now and forever."
Ethan finished, "I love you too. The goddess had been evoked."
Willow smiled sleepily, "I love both of you. So mote it be."
Thus entwined they slept.