Title: Nothing like Hoffman
Author: nemo_gravis
Rating: 12
Summary: After graduation and before the adventure of college, Giles and Willow hang out together over summer.
Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS. I'm just playing with the toys of another, no profit made and no harm intended.
Author's Note: For fannishnej. Hope you like it!
Warnings: Some sexiness, but no real graphic intent.
"Uh, Giles? Where do you want me to put these?" she asked, the books in her arms swaying dangerously.
From behind the couch, Giles' head appeared and he blinked at her a few times.
"Oh, yes. Over there should be perfect. Thank you, Willow."
His head disappeared again.
She tried to nod but stopped herself as the book at the top of the pile in her arms started to topple forwards. Tucking it under her chin precariously, Willow moved instead toward the table Giles had pointed to and set down her burden with a sigh of relief.
"That's the last of them," she informed him.
"Yes, yes," he called back absently, clearly lost in his world of research.
She couldn't blame him. They'd managed to take out most of the important books before blowing up the Library but it wasn't as if they'd had all that much time to think up a place to put them. His apartment looked a whole lot like a rummage sale in an antique book store at the moment, with every available surface buried under parchment and leather bound tomes.
"It's unfortunate that Oz wasn't here to help us," Giles commented, re-emerging from behind the couch and standing up. "Classic as it is, the Citroen wasn't all that helpful."
Willow blinked a couple of times, surprised by his less-than-Tweedy appearance. Dressed in a ratty pair of jeans and an old sweatshirt, he looked almost like a real person. Of course, school was out at last, probably forever, so everyone was catching the summertime mood now.
He'd called earlier, asking her to pick up the last batch of books from the gymnasium where they'd stashed them. Several packing crates had been used to conceal all the research material while they filled up the rapidly emptying shelves with the improvised explosives instead. Two weeks post-graduation, they were only now finished transporting those crates back to Giles' place. She'd borrowed her mom's car for the trip, as her parents were out of town for the summer. For some reason, she'd picture Giles would be at his most Watcherly, even though he'd begun to relax in the weeks and months leading up to graduation.
"Oz had to skedaddle with Devon and the others," she explained. "You know, what with their big tour to think about, they had to hit the road."
Brought back from book world, Giles flashed her a smile.
"Of course. Far be it from me to begrudge the boy his vacation. And I'm sorry to have been such an imposition on you too, of course."
"No problem," she said quickly. "I, uh, I love to help out. You know, with the books and all." It wasn't as if she had anything else to do, after all. Buffy wasn't in the mood for company right now and Xand was probably on his way to see the Grand Canyon by now.
Rounding the couch, Giles came to check what she had brought with her.
"And I am very grateful for the help," he said. "I did ask Buffy but she seems to be..." He searched for the right word.
"Busy being Miss Mopey-face?" Willow suggested.
"Yes, quite. Angel's departure has thrown her into something of a funk. At least now she can talk to her mother about it."
Willow just nodded and left it at that. Knowing Buffy like she did, she thought Giles' belief in that possibility to be wildly optimistic. Buffy was more likely to mope and be sad for a while and try to take that out on some poor unsuspecting vampire one night on patrol. It didn't help matters that Xander, like the big doofus that he was, had skipped town on his journey of self-whatever precisely when Buffy needed her friends to cheer her up.
Oh well. Buffy's mom would do what she could to cheer her up. And later, Willow decided, maybe she could drop by and they could hang out together.
"She'll come around," she chanced, not really sure about that but hoping it was the truth anyway.
Giles flashed her a look out of the corner of his eye and she bridled slightly as she could tell he was trying not to laugh.
"Young love can be very painful, I do recall," he said. "I'm sure she feels that her life is over and the world has all but stopped spinning on its axis."
"Something like that," she agreed, trying not to bite out the words.
He just nodded and turned back to the books.
"Well, since you have been good enough to answer the call, I need you to help me go through these and put them into some kind of order. Reference texts should be sorted by historical era, geographical area of provenance and language, human or demonic."
"What about magical texts?" she asked.
"What about them?"
"Don't we have to take special precautions in case something goes all demon kablooey?"
He rolled his eyes.
"After what happened the last time I let others have access to books I myself had not checked beforehand, I made every effort to make sure the books were not in any way dangerous to innocent bystanders. No, these texts are purely research material. I kept all the inherently dangerous texts at home already, under lock and key."
"That's good," she said. "Very good. No more killer robots. Not the, uh, not the dating-Buffy's-mom kind or the dating-me kind. Psycho-date robots in general."
Giles just patted her shoulder.
"Lets get to work, shall we?"
She nodded.
"Okay. But I'm taking the ones without the pictures."
***
Ten hours later and Giles' apartment looked a lot less like a rummage sale. The major reference texts were all stored away in the shelves and the more esoteric tomes piled in boxes in the spare room.
Willow flopped down on the couch bonelessly, her head lolling back against the seat to stare up at Giles who was sitting across the room.
"Whew. I'm beat. Are we done yet?" she asked.
Giles looked up from the text in his hand and seemed to notice her for the first time. Not exactly a nice boost to the ego.
"Oh." He blinked a few times, pulling off his glasses to rub his eyes, and checked his watch. "I had no idea it was so late."
Willow nodded her agreement in an upside down kind of way and waited for his verdict.
"Well, I... Of course, you must be..." Shaking his head, he popped his glasses back on and shut his book with a snap. "Let's call it a night, shall we? I apologize for forgetting the time."
She sighed in relief.
It felt kinda weird to be here alone with him, she thought vaguely. With the lateness and all, she was suddenly very conscious of the fact she was an eighteen year old girl alone with a middle-aged man in his apartment. Sure, it was just Giles, who barely qualified as a, well, as a man in any kind of sexy way. Well, not since Oz, of course. But still. If her parents were here now, they'd have a few stern words to say about it.
Normally, Buffy would have been here though. And Xand. Normally, it wasn't weird because it was the three of them together hanging out with Giles. But they weren't here now. She blinked away the pang of loneliness and melancholy memory. All the good times. Somehow, her summers always managed to suck at some point. And not the vampire sucky kind of suck.
"Well, I guess I should get going," she said as brightly as she could manage.
Suddenly self-conscious, she got up, smoothing her jeans carefully.
Giles cleared his throat.
"Are you sure? I seem to have forgotten to feed you..."
She looked up, cocking her head to one side and shooting him a puzzled frown.
"Excuse me?"
He gestured to the kitchen.
"Food. We skipped lunch."
"I had a doughnut from the packet on the counter."
"Oh? Not the..."
"I left the jellies," she said with a smile.
Giles smiled back.
"Well, if you're sure."
"Yes, thanks. I'd better be getting get back. I might call Buffy, just to check up on her, you know?"
"Of course."
"Will you... Will you need me tomorrow?"
Giles blanched and he frowned at her.
"Excuse me?"
It took a moment for Willow to understand her unintentional double-entendre and she felt her face start to burn.
"For the books! I meant for the books!"
God, she wanted to run and hide all of a sudden. Giles looked like he was seriously thinking about it himself. He should. He wasn't supposed to notice things like that, he was British.
"No, that's perfectly alright, Willow. As it is, I have wasted enough of your time. It's the summer holidays, I'm sure you've got something better to do."
"No I haven't," she said before she could stop herself.
"Oh? I was under the impression that you and the others..." His voice trailed off as his ears caught up with what he just said. "Ah. Xander left yesterday, didn't he?"
She nodded mutely.
"And you and Buffy don't...?"
"Miss Mopey face, remember? She doesn't want to talk to anyone right now."
He frowned.
"So you really don't have anything better to do?"
All she could do was shrug. Despite the weirdness of being all alone with Giles that she was increasingly aware of, she really didn't. Sure, there was always magic training, which was still just as scary but also fun in some ways, but she was at a level now when training alone was kinda dangerous and she'd had her fill of danger for the next few weeks. So really, all she had to look forward to was a movie marathon at home, waiting on a call from a grumpy Slayer that might not come for a long time.
At least being here was doing something. Being useful. And despite this sudden awkwardness, Giles was one of her best friends too. So with no Xander and no Buffy, he was the next logical choice.
"I, uh, I think there's still a few pre-Sumerian mythology books I need to check out," she ventured.
For a second, it looked as if Giles would still refuse her help. But something in her face must have tipped him off to how lonely she was because he deflated slightly and smiled.
"Then I will look forward to seeing you tomorrow then," he said.
She smiled tentatively and he returned it.
"Okay. 'Night, Giles."
"Goodnight, Willow."
***
The next morning, she brought a collection of pastries and some coffee with her. Despite what she'd told Giles yesterday, food was a good thing and she wasn't going to go two days in a row without something to keep her going.
"Hey, Giles!" she called out as she pushed the door.
He was already leaning over the table, pouring over a text in front of him. Her voice startled him and his glasses nearly fell off as he twisted his head to see her coming in.
"What the... Oh, hello, Willow." He smiled tiredly.
He was still dressed in the same clothes he was wearing last night. Still sitting at the same table he was sitting at last night. In fact, if she was to hazard a guess from the look of him, she might have thought he'd been there since she left last night.
"Did you sleep at all?" she asked, dropping the bag of pastries onto the table beside him and handing him a cup of coffee.
He rubbed his shadowed jaw and shook his head.
"I was engaged in some fascinating speculation about the convergence of the prophecies of Asmar the Greciphasian with the codex of Trapheles. It's really quite amazing. Apparently, Asmar predicted the arrival of the armies of Cliumagh a full six hundred years before Cliumagh was even conceived."
Willow stared at him blankly.
"And, what exactly does that mean?"
He turned back to the book opened in front of him.
"Well, in my thesis presented to the Council elders, I actually defended the theory that Traphales was the first time Cliumagh was ever mentioned and therefore that the battle in which he destroyed one of the ancient Gallic tribes could not have been prevented."
Willow cocked her head thoughtfully.
"Does this mean they'll pull your Watcher license or something?" Realizing what she'd just said, she bit her lip.
Giles' face sobered up slightly, the light that came from the research rush dimming as he remembered his new jobless status.
"Well, it's something to consider," he said eventually. "A new line of inquiry. I shall certainly be consulting Asmar's prophecies a lot more in the future, for example."
She sighed.
"I'm sorry."
He waved a hand.
"Don't worry about it. I assure you I stopped a long time ago."
She reached out despite herself, almost touching his shoulder. Her face started to burn again when she realized what she was doing and she jerked it away.
"You're still our Giles, you know? No one can take that away."
He turned back to her and smiled tiredly. "Thank you, Willow."
With a yawn, he rubbed his eyes.
"I must confess I didn't see the time go by. Is it morning already?"
"Well I didn't sleep here, remember?" she teased.
His absent stretching turned into an awkward jerk as he nearly toppled out of his chair and Willow muffled a curse. For some reason, she couldn't seem to stop herself making the bad jokes at the moment. Must be the lack of Xander. This was her first Xanderless summer since that time she went to band camp.
"I... Um... I think that I should go and..." Giles gestured in the direction of the bathroom. "I must look a mess and a shower will do me a world of good. Feel free to go over those books you were talking about or perhaps you would like to watch television? I don't have cable though. There's not much to keep you busy, I'm afraid."
"I'm not a kid, Giles," she protested. "I can take care of myself, you know."
That stopped him stammering and made him almost smile.
"Perhaps not a child anymore, I admit. Still, I don't think I'll ever stop thinking of you as..."
She glared at him, annoyed for some reason, and he cut himself off.
"Go take your shower," she said. "I'll be here when you get back."
She ignored his confused face and walked off, muttering darkly to herself about men and librarians and condescending British people in general.
Part 2
Huh.
A kid. No, a child which was infinitely worse somehow.
For some reason, that Giles could think of her in such a way bothered Willow more than she cared to admit. It wasn't like she hadn't been thinking something along those same lines, of course. The sudden consciousness that she was in an older man's apartment was all about that, when you analyzed it. But to hear Giles say it out loud, that was all kinds of patronizing and sucky.
The rest of the day was spent in smoldering silence as she fumed quietly, all the more angry as she didn't really understand the reason for her mood.
She didn't leave him a chance to even say goodbye as she picked up her things and left that evening, only pausing to toss a quick "See you tomorrow" over her shoulder as she went out the door.
She couldn't take the sight of his vague confusion.
That Gilesey thing he did when he knew there was something he wasn't quite getting.
She'd seen it often enough. With Buffy any time he was trying to understand what she just said but didn't have the references. With her when she started off on some dumb tangent and couldn't stop her motor mouth. With Miss Calendar back in the day.
That last thought struck a chord. Because he hadn't looked at Miss Calendar like that. Sure, there had been this whole culture clash they had going on. But with all that, he'd still seen her as an equal, hadn't he? As someone he could talk to, instead of talk at .
Suddenly, Willow wanted that. Yeah, that would show him. A child, huh? Well school was over now, Mr. Condescending British Librarian... Uh... Person. She'd show him who was a child!
Of course, between his place and her house, her angry resolve kinda faded. Show him what? And how? She didn't know. Couldn't work out what she was thinking or feeling. All Willow knew as she opened her front door was that she had to knock that thoughtless smug expression off Giles' face.
There were no messages waiting for her when checked her answering machine. Buffy still hadn't called. That didn't help Willow's mood very much. Sure, she understood Buffy was hurting. It wasn't like she herself was unfamiliar with love pains, was it? But Buffy seemed to think that no one could possibly understand what she was going through. That her pain was so unique and big and hurty that she had to suffer in silence, like the martyr she was. That her world was ended and that meant everyone else had to end with it.
Ooh, sometimes Willow really wanted to shake that girl.
Maybe it was a good thing Xander was gone, come to think of it. He'd stopped lusting after Buffy a long time ago but whenever she got in one of those funks, it still pissed him off more than it deserved.
Buffy wasn't the center of their world after all.
Xand was off discovering stuff about himself, Oz was on the road with the band, Cordy had already moved to LA. Everyone was getting on with their lives and doing stuff. And here she was, Willow Danielle Rosenberg, putting her life on hold all because Buffy felt the world was over.
Maybe Giles was right.
Maybe she was being immature.
It was time to take matters into her own hands. If Buffy didn't want to hang out right now, that was fine. Let her wallow. But Willow was not going to wallow too. Dropping her keys on the table by the door, she shucked off her coat and went to heat up some macaroni and cheese. Food for thought.
***
With her parents gone, the house seemed more empty than it had a right to be.
As she brushed her teeth in front of the mirror that night, Willow couldn't help but notice the silence. She didn't like it. Had never liked it. But her parents weren't exactly homebodies at the best of times. Until now though, Xander had always been there to take her mind off things. And Buffy too. Now all she had were Giles' words in her head.
A child.
All evening, she kept coming back to that and getting annoyed. Because he hadn't even needed to think about it, no. Giles had just done that quirky almost-smile thing of his and acted as if he was a father discussing one of his playful toddlers. She was nobody's toddler. And she already had a father, thank you very much. She had thought Giles was her friend. Sure, she was young, Willow couldn't deny it. But after all they'd faced, she was hardly...
She was wearing pajamas with teddy bears on them.
Willow stopped glowering at her thoughts when her eyes caught sight of her reflection above the washbasin. A reflection that was wearing teddy bear pajamas. And, almost worse 'cause the teddy bears could have been kinda retro funky in their own way, her hair was tucked back behind her ears and held in place by a head band she'd had since she was ten.
With her pale, sleep-smudged skin and the frothy white toothpaste on her lips, she looked about twelve.
Her eyes widened in the reflection.
Oh my gosh. Giles was right.
How could he see her as anything else? Right now, even she couldn't.
Quickly, she rinsed and spat, wiping her lips on the back of her hand.
Well things were gonna change. It was summertime, she had a few months ahead of her and she was going to college in the fall. Things changed in college, right? A new life. New experiences. New friends and challenges. Teddy bear and head band girl needed a makeover.
***
It was past ten o'clock the next morning when she arrived at Giles' place. For some reason, she felt kinda nervous as she pushed the door open.
"Hello?" she called.
A muffled thump came from the spare room and the sound of British cursing. That was the good thing with an accent, she noticed. Whatever Giles said sounded almost polite.
"Sorry I'm late," she continued. "I had a few things I needed to do this morning."
Giles emerged from the room with his glasses in one hand, rubbing his eyes and muttering under his breath. At least this morning he looked like he got some sleep. Granted, it was probably in the clothes he was wearing, but it was something. Willow was starting to think that she wasn't the only one learning to deal with the fact High School was over. Without his library, Giles seemed to be a little lost, in fact.
"Good morning, Willow," he said as drew nearer. "I must say that I didn't know whether to expect you today."
"Oh?" she said in a carefully neutral voice. "And, uh, why would that be?"
He made to put his glasses back on and started to explain.
"Well I..."
And stopped.
Willow shifted nervously.
"You like it?" she asked, spreading her arms a little and almost twirling to show off her new look.
Giles was still staring.
"Giles? Hey, Giles? Are you alright?"
"What was that?"
"You kinda spaced out a little there," she said with a frown. "Are you okay?"
He seemed to shake his head a little and cleared his throat.
"Yes, yes, quite alright. I was a little... I was slightly surprised, by your..."
She looked down at her clothes nervously.
They weren't that different from what she normally wore, she told herself. A low-cut cream colored tank and a long red skirt. Okay, maybe the tank was more Buffy's style than hers. And maybe the slit up the side of the skirt was a teeny bit higher than she was used to. And the heels were something new too. But, all in all, she didn't look too bad. Not slutty or anything. Well, hopefully not. Oh crap. Did she look slutty? She did, didn't she? She was oozing sluttiness and Giles was weirded out by the slutty vibes. She had a sweater in the car she could go and pull on. That might be...
He sighed.
"You look very nice today," Giles said softly.
Willow blinked.
"I do? Oh. Yes. Yeah, I wanted to, you know, try new things."
"Any special occasion?"
His words about childishness crossed her mind but she shook her head, forcing the innocent face.
"No reason. I woke up and didn't fancy wearing jeans and a sweater. It's a nice day outside, so..." She shrugged.
"Yes, of course." He nodded and jerked his eyes back to her face. "Ah. You also cut your hair, I see."
Okay, she hadn't expected to feel quite this self-conscious. Reaching up, Willow patted her newly cut short red hair and did her best to ignore the heat in her face.
"Well, yes. I mean, summer and all. It's hot outside. Shorter hair was just more practical."
Giles stared at her a moment longer before flashing an awkward smile, finally noticing the weirdness too.
"Quite."
They stood in silence for a moment.
The heat in her cheeks was threatening to set her new hair cut on fire and she was starting to feel a breeze through the hopefully-not-slutty clothes.
Willow sought for something to say.
"And, uh, you look... well... too?"
Okay, given the choice, maybe silence was a better option. Giles cocked an eyebrow and glanced down at himself. Dusty jeans and an old shirt with the sleeves rolled up. She was starting to get used to his non-Tweedy attire but it was still kind of different to see him like this.
"Thank you?" he chanced.
She fought not to wince and babble some kind of apology for her strange behavior and just shrugged.
"What do you want me to do?" she said instead, unslinging her bag from her shoulder and dropping it on the table by the door.
Giles brightened.
"Oh, well, I found a few compendiums, from the old catalog, that we've never seen before and I'd like your help cross-referencing them. They were shelved by the students without my knowledge, back when the databasic project was underway."
"Databasic?" She frowned.
He rolled his eyes.
"You might have failed to notice it, but I am not exactly 'hip' to your computer-experienced 'jive', Willow. I was referring to the project which resulted in the demon you knew as Malcolm."
Slightly thrown by his un-Gilesian joke, recognition dawned for Willow when he said the 'M' word.
"Oh! You mean data base ."
"I suppose that I must."
"It's not that hard, you know. Just a... Well, a base where you keep your data."
"Like a library, perhaps?"
"Yes! Exactly like a library. But with screensavers."
Shaking his head, Giles waved her toward the couch.
"I suppose that makes all the difference," he commented, gesturing to the coffee table where several large leather books were laid out.
Sitting down, she picked up one of them and cracked it open.
"Oh, stop it," she said absently, already scanning the page as he sat down next to her and picked up a book of his own. "It's not that hard. What do you have against computers, anyway? You act like they're soul sucking monsters or something."
"I fail to see what my preference for the written word has to do with an understandable confusion in technical terminology that I do not personally need to know."
"It's all just words," she said. "That's computers. Just things written down. Sure, it's a little hard at first. But you don't have to be a master hacker to get some good out of them."
He made a noise and she looked up to find him buried in his own book.
"Yes, well, I have you for that, don't I?" he said, without looking up.
And just how exactly was she supposed to take that?
In resignation, she looked back down at her book, recognizing the legend written on the page as something she'd already read in the Eni Djeri Codex.
"Just because you don't have to use it doesn't mean you shouldn't know what I'm talking about," she found herself saying a few minutes later. "A database is one of the easy ones. If you can't remember it, try a mnemonic thingy. There's 'data', which means..."
"I am aware what 'data' means, Willow," he said in a slightly hoarse tone of voice. "Latin is not one of my weak points."
"See?" She looked up to find him watching her with an odd smile on his face and suddenly felt a little too hot. She shifted slightly but didn't look away. "You're a language expert," she continued. "So just think 'data' and, uh... Well, base is pretty vague. Ooh! But baseball has bases. So just think about getting to first base, in Latin."
And she did not just say that, did she?
Awkward silence. Lots of awkward silence. Bad silence.
"Not that you'd get to first base," she heard herself say. "I mean, not with me. Um. No. Not what I meant. I meant that in Latin, you wouldn't get to... When we're together, on the computer, you wouldn't... Well, you guys play cricket, anyway, so..." Normally right about now, a friendly demon might just burst in and try to kill them, thus saving her from digging herself in any deeper.
Didn't happen.
"Of course, I don't think you're not first-base worthy, just that you don't need to worry about Latin when we're... When using a computer."
Acutely aware of his closeness for some reason, she tried to think her way out of this while Giles stared at her in complete bemusement.
"Look," she said eventually. "Just think 'data' and 'base', okay? And put 'em together. There. Database. Which we don't have, now that I think about it. So, maybe there's no real point to remembering that, I guess."
Giles coughed.
"... Are you quite alright, Willow?" he asked.
She laughed nervously and shook her head.
"Not really. Maybe I was out in the sun a little too long."
He reached out to pat her knee amicably. This didn't help as the not-slutty-but-still-slit-up-the-side skirt had fallen away a little and her knee was bare. Giles' face seemed to freeze and his eyes looked down.
"Oh."
"Oh," she echoed, her entire body blushing so hard that she probably looked so red right now she was clashing with her skirt.
"Yes, I see," Giles said faintly. "Well, why don't I make us some tea?"
"Tea!" She latched onto the olive branch with crazed desperation. "Good idea. Tea. I'm really hot and bother... Really parched. Dry as a desert. Thirsty!"
"Um, yes. Me too. Very thirsty, that is. I won't be a minute."
This said, he almost jumped from the couch and scuttled into the kitchen, leaving her to try not to implode with nerves and embarrassment.
Part 3
Okay, so the new look was a bad idea. A very bad idea. A no good, slutty, skanky, dirty, very bad idea of badness.
The rest of the day had been spent in complete silence. She hadn't been able to look Giles in the eye again and he'd been very British and just pretended that she wasn't even there. Or no, that she was there but that he was too busy reading the same page of the same book over and over again to pay any more attention to her.
Things were all weird now and it was her fault.
Willow shrugged off the clothes as soon as she was through the door, kicking off the skirt and tugging the tank over her head. In her underwear, she dashed upstairs to her closet and pulled out her fluffy pink bathrobe instead. The familiar scent calmed her down a little as she slid it on. Her eyes met those of her reflection in the mirror hanging on the back of the door and she glared at herself.
"Hussy!" she muttered.
Short-haired and slutty Willow glared back at her.
Oh, this was so not what she had been imagining. All she wanted was for Giles to look at her like he looked at Miss Calendar. Like an equal he didn't have to condescend to. Someone he could just spend time with. Hang out. Someone who was not a child.
For some reason, she totally overlooked the whole romance angle Miss Calendar and Giles had going. When the plan hit her, it just all seemed to click into place, you know? It was logical. A change of appearance and attitude, a slight slant toward the future. College girl. A graduate, even. Giles would start to respect her a little more and... and...
She could still feel Giles' hand on her knee.
Oh god, she could still feel his hand on her knee.
She had to take a shower.
Moving quickly, she ducked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. As the fiery hot spray of water started to fog up the room, Willow shucked off the bathrobe and underwear and dived inside, ignoring the shot of pain at the contact with the nearly burning water.
Clean. She had to scrub herself clean and forget all of this even happened. She would go see Giles again tomorrow and apologize for making things so strange. Yeah. That was it.
Closing her eyes to let the water fall across her back, she recalled the expression on Giles' face. He was so embarrassed he couldn't stand to look at her. Shifting uncomfortably on the couch beside her all day, like it was painful just to sit next to her. And every time she thought he might be starting to calm down again and looked to see if he was ready to talk again, he was buried in that book of his, which was odd 'cause she could have sworn he was looking at her just a moment before.
Sex.
There, she said it. Well, thought it.
Instead of becoming his intellectual equal, someone who Giles could be friends with and hang out with, she'd managed to bring sex into things. In her eyes, he'd turned into a man instead of a stuffy librarian and in turn she'd reminded him that under her jeans and sweatshirts, she was actually a girl.
Willow wasn't quite as naive as she used to be. She did understand some of what happened today. Her new and improved get up had shocked him. Well, sure. But it also...
Did it turn him on?
The thought hit hard and suddenly, out of the blue. She was so shocked with herself that she jerked upright and got a faceful of water for her trouble. Hacking and coughing like a drowned rat, she tried to calm down again.
Where the heck did that come from? Giles turned on? Ew! Double ew! A whole world, no, a whole universe of ew!
Willow shook her head and leaned back against the tiled wall of the shower stall.
"Horny Giles," she heard herself mumble.
And nearly drowned again when she burst into giggles.
***
Okay, this was ridiculous, she told herself.
Wrapped up in her robe again, Willow was bundled up on the couch, munching another bowlful of mac and cheese and doing some heavy thinking.
What happened today? Well, she got dressed up. She went to the salon to get a hair cut. And then she showed off the results to Giles. And Giles got all flustered and she got all flustered in response and he told her that she looked nice and suddenly, she was even more self-conscious than before.
Giles was a guy now.
Well, he always was. She'd had a small crush on him a couple of years ago, hadn't she? But that was only day-dreaming, surely. And, and, he was old. Twice her age. Almost as old as her dad. She couldn't be crushing on someone that old, could she?
Hold on a second.
Crushing? Who said anything about her crushing on Giles now? He got flustered and she was supposed to be thinking about what that meant for him, not what it meant to her. Because it didn't mean anything, did it? Of course not. Ew again.
The phone rang. Moving like greased lightning, she seized the handset before it had even finished the first ring.
"Buffy?!" she asked hopefully.
"Hey, Willow, it's me."
Her stomach seized up.
Oz!
The next fifteen minutes were spent in increasing discomfort as they talked on the phone, a sudden and baseless sense of guilt all but choking her by the time they said goodbye and hung up.
She actually forgot about Oz. Now she really was evil.
After all the badness that happened with Xander just a few months ago, here she was thinking about Giles and... No! No, she wasn't thinking about Giles, dammit! At least, not that way.
Oh, it was all so confusing.
She really needed Buffy right now. But even if she had been chatty again, she wouldn't have liked to hear anything about this. If sexy Giles was something that threw Willow for a loop, it was definitely something that would melt Buffy's brain out of her ears.
Mac and cheese forgotten on the coffee table, Willow hugged herself.
No Buffy then. No Buffy and no Xander to talk to, even if she could. Oz, far away. Even her parents were out of town and incommunicado until their conference was over. She was just going to have to figure this one out for herself.
***
Willow writhed in the bed, straining against the weight of the man on top of her. Arching her back to press herself into him as they made love.
She was still relatively new to making love, had only had a couple of weeks practice with Oz before he and the band took off for the summer. Sure, they'd practiced quite a lot, but she was still far from perfect.
As her new lover's hands ghosted up the sides of her body, she bit down on a noise in the back of her throat and tried to focus on breathing straight.
"Oh... Oh... Oh... Yesss..."
Giles smiled down at her. She lifted her lips to his as he lowered his head and they kissed passionately.
Agh!
Flushed and breathing heavily, she jerked upright in panic.
Oh no, oh no, oh no.
Sooooo good...
Sick and wrong!
"Harder!"
Willow squeaked and shook her head to clear it. She was not in bed with Giles right now. There was no bed with Giles. There was no great sex with Giles. It was all an illusion. A waking dream. She was still at home, in her room. Around her on the bedroom floor, the circle of candles blazed brightly, the smokey haze of burned ingredients heavy in the air.
Still mercifully clad in her PJs, Willow fought to calm down.
Sex spell. She got it wrong and it turned into a sex spell. The book still open at the end of her Giles-less bed had clearly said it was a simple "know thyself" kinda dealie. It was supposed to be about understanding yourself when you were really confused, opening up to yourself , not... Not...
"I'm so close, Giles."
She shuddered. The aftershocks were still humming through her. Breathe carefully. Once. Twice. Slow and sure. That's it. Air is a good thing. More air. In fact, why not go downstairs, make some very, very strong coffee, turn on all the lights and sit down to breathe as much air as she could, huh? All night. No more dreams or spell-induced hallucinations. Coffee was the answer.
***
So it turned out that deciding to figure something out and actually, you know, figuring something out were two different things. Huh.
And magic was no good.
Not in her muddled state of mind.
If she tried something like that again, she might just wind up in bed with Buffy.
Still no closer to understanding her thoughts, Willow was sipping her fifth cup of strong black coffee in the kitchen when the sun rose the next morning. It was all just spiraling in circles inside her head. Giles and the flusterment. Her reaction to his reaction. The hand on her knee. Oz. Xander. Missing Buffy.
As she set her cup down on the table, she knew she had to do something.
Her eyes fell on the red skirt, still lying in a heap next to her bag, where she left them when she got back yesterday.
One thing was for sure. Oz deserved someone who knew what she wanted, right? He was just such a great and wonderful and supportive guy, he deserved for her to be the same for him. Well, she couldn't be a guy for him, of course, but everything else she could. And she wanted to be that for him. But she was not going to lie. Lies were bad. Lies had proved to be a not good plan as far as she was concerned. Lies had nearly ended what she had with Oz and had definitely messed with her friendship with Xand.
And she needed to talk to someone about all of this. She really did. It was eating her up.
So where did all that leave her?
Without really noticing it, Willow had got up and walked to pick up the red skirt. She worked the material between her fingers, lost in thought. Flashes of last night's hallucination sneaked across her memory and the heat of Giles' hand on her knee rose to her cheeks.
The plain fact was, she wanted to find out. One way or the other. Find out if all the awkwardness of yesterday, all the tension of the last few days, came from anything remotely crushey on her part. Find out if Giles had been embarrassed for her or by her. Find out if maybe he had been looking at her in a new way.
Dangling from her fingers, the red skirt brushed against her leg as she walked upstairs.
Time to get changed.
***
The key in the door told her that Giles was back.
After all the worrying and the coffee and the sex magic and the confusion, Willow had gone to take her shower and got dressed up again, this time in an old pair of jeans instead of the skirt but with another tank instead of her usual sweater, put on some discreet make up to cover up the lack of sleep, and driven out to his place especially early, to talk about things and clear the air once and for all.
Only to find a note stuck to his door telling her that he was out running errands and wouldn't be back for a few hours.
Sometimes life was really frustrating. There was this whole issue of timing that she was sure someone out there was using against her. But okay, a few more hours to settle down and think about what to say. She'd let herself in and dumped her bag by the door and flopped down on the couch and tried to come up with what she was going to say.
Easier said than done. Hours passed and she was getting nowhere.
After a while, she gave up and went to make herself some tea, more for something to do than because she was really thirsty. She found it already set up. All she had to do was re-heat the pot and pour herself some, which was handy. Of course, after her second cup, she finally realized that there was something a little screwy with it.
Probably all the whiskey getting in the way of the tea flavor.
Just her luck that she was so busy thinking, she didn't notice it.
So it was, when Giles opened the door, he found a very distraught, tired and partially drunk young woman glaring at him from over the top of his couch.
"Do I make you horny or not?" she said angrily.
Giles blinked.
"Um... Excuse me?"
Willow gestured to herself, turning to cup her boobs in a way that she thought might be considered sexy. Well, it would have been if her watch strap didn't snag against her bra and make her yelp in pain.
"Ouch!"
Frowning, Giles rounded the couch and knelt down in front of her.
"Are you alright, Willow?"
"No, I'm not alright!" she said, all the nerves and the pent up frustration pouring out all at once. "I wanna know if you have a thing for me. 'Cause I'm having all these thoughts and I don't know what's going on and Buffy's still playing hide and get lost with me, so I can't talk to her and I'm so confused and the sex spell last night was kinda nice but scary in a lot of ways and..."
Raising his hand, he laid a finger on her lips to stop her talking.
"Are you drunk?" he asked.
She hesitated before nodding and he pulled his finger away.
"A little," she admitted. "I found that tea of yours and I heated it up."
His lips twitched.
"That tea was two parts whiskey for one part Earl Grey. A little remedy for insomnia, if you will. One small cup is all that's required, generally. How much did you have?"
"Three mugs."
He raised an eyebrow and she shifted uncomfortably.
"I was distracted, okay? I thought something was weird after the second mug but I had to take another one to make sure."
Shaking his head, Giles stood up again.
"Wait here," he said, pushing her back into the couch gently.
She got the impression he was fighting not to laugh and glared at his departing back. When he returned with a cold towel and placed it on her forehead though, she decided to cut him some slack.
"Now," he said, settling back down onto his uncomfortable perch on the corner of the coffee table in front of her. "To what do I owe this rather energetic and somewhat confusing display?"
Her cheeks burning, Willow slid the towel down to cover her eyes.
"Yesterday... Well, you know, yesterday, I was... There was the skirt and the knee and the hand and... I've been thinking and..." her voice trailed off. Here, with him looking at her, she couldn't even get the words out.
"Oh."
"Yeah. Oh. Very oh. There was a lot of oh, you know? And I don't know what kind of oh."
A hand on her bare arm. Just a light brush from his fingertips. She slid the towel up slightly.
"By what happened yesterday, do you mean the fact I accidentally touched you leg?"
She frowned, more to herself than at him, as she tried to explain.
"After that, things were all muddled up," she said eventually. "All tense and sharp."
He appeared to weigh his reply carefully.
"I suppose they were," he admitted.
She blinked and sat up a little.
"So I wasn't just imagining things?"
He cleared his throat and looked away.
"You are... Well, you have become a very attractive young girl, Willow, and..."
Her annoyed sigh cut him off.
"See?" She pointed at his face. "Right there. You called me a child, remember? You said that I would always be a child. And I, well, I didn't like that. Because I'm not. Well, not with you." To the vaguely hunted look that danced in his eyes, she waved a hand dismissively. "I'm not talking about sex!"
"May I remind you of the words you greeted me with when I came through the door?" he commented in a remarkably dry voice considering the red of his cheeks.
Forcing herself not to die of embarrassment just yet, because this was important and she really wanted him to understand, Willow shook her head.
"That's something else. I only did this whole makeover thing in the first place 'cause I thought if I changed, you might look at me differently. And not, you know, differently kinda differently. Just like a friend now, instead of a kid."
Giles straightened.
"Of course you are my friend," he protested.
"But I'm also a kid, right? A child? One of the Cinderellas to your fairy godmother."
"Well, I wouldn't quite go that far..." he began.
Frustration returning in a rush, she lunged forward and grabbed a handful of his shirt, hauling him closer until they were nose to nose.
"I am not your a child!" she hissed. "I am your friend, understand? Friend. Just because you're older and British and speak in words of more than ten syllables before your morning coffee does not make you my father! Because if it did... If it did..." Her voice trailed off. Staring into his eyes, she was suddenly very aware of his closeness for some reason.
"If it did?" he asked softly.
His breath brushed against her lips. Visions of last night's spell swam across her mind.
"I think... I think..." Her stomach lurched. "I think I shouldn't have had that third mug of whiskey," she mumbled before throwing up in his lap.
***
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Oh, you know," Willow said as she came back from the bathroom. "Kinda embarrassed. Okay, very embarrassed. Mortified, even."
There was no sign of the mess she'd made anymore. Giles had changed out of the clothes he'd been wearing and into some dark slacks and a knitted sweater, the sleeves rolled up, as he picked through a pile of papers in front of him.
"Did I ruin anything?" she asked in a small voice.
He smiled at her.
"Besides my trousers, you mean?"
Almost despite herself, she returned the smile.
"Yeah."
He shook his head.
"No. For a first time drinker, you were very lady-like in your projectile vomiting."
Despite herself, Willow cocked an eyebrow.
"Wow. That was actually a good zing," she said.
"Well, I have been spending these past few years in the company of..."
"Children?"
"Friends. Confusing as they may be sometimes."
Something inside her relaxed. Giles smiled briefly before clearing his throat.
"I noticed that the final referencing on that last book is still incomplete," he said.
Willow blinked.
"Oh. Yeah, I was a little distracted."
"Did you notice the connections to the Eni Djeri codex?"
"Uh hunh. Especially in the third quarter of the book, from the page with the Tegmar demon on it up to the story about the fall of Clypsis," she replied automatically.
He waved her over and she moved around to sit beside him, glancing down at the book in his hands.
"Fascinating, isn't it? The Eni Djeri only tells one side of the story. With this new information, we can cast a whole new light on some of the details surrounding the life and times of the Slayer of the day."
She stared up at him blankly.
"Uh, I guess?"
"What do you think about the Starnak demon and how it was defeated?" Giles continued. "Personally, I would mark that for future reference. If Buffy ever comes across one of those..."
"No, no, no," Willow said. She grabbed the book and flipped on a few hundred pages. "See here? Starnak died out when the Hellmouth relocated. It couldn't survive without the energy to feed on. From the stories though, maybe some of the Starnak's minions could still be around and they have this interesting thing they do with reflex magic..."
The next few hours were spent talking. Not just about demons and magic but about everything. Without even realizing it, Willow began to relax as they talked literature and history and pop culture while they worked. Only when she found herself laughing at one of Giles' cracks about the comparative merits of a mixed sex education system compared to his boyhood monastic upbringing did she realize something had changed. And it took her a moment to realize what it was. He wasn't talking at her anymore. They were just hanging out together.
It was dark outside by the time they were done. Getting up again, she hesitated.
"It's kinda late," she said.
Giles looked out the window and nodded.
"So it is."
"... I guess I should be getting back home?" she continued.
Giles picked up on the question in her voice and looked up at her.
"How is Oz doing?" he asked.
Almost relieved, she couldn't help the smile from appearing on her face.
"He broke his first guitar in concert yesterday," she said proudly.
Giles smiled too and pulled himself to his feet.
"Ah, yes. The wonders of being young and in a rock band. As long as he avoids demonic summoning rituals, I'm sure Oz will have a very good time."
They stood quietly for a moment. Looking down at her, Giles cocked his head gently to one side, an unreadable look on his face.
"Good night, Willow. It's been nice of you to help me. I wouldn't have finished so quickly without you."
She glanced down at the table where the last of the books were waiting to be taken and put back on the shelf.
"It's been fun," she said, her voice hoarse.
Giles' hand on her cheek startled her. She glanced up in time to watch his face lower toward hers. Flashes of the sex spell. His breath on her lips. His lips on her lips. She opened her mouth slightly and for a moment tasted the heat of his tongue. Then they both pulled back at the same time.
"I'm confused," she said to no one in particular.
"Let's just say that, to answer your earlier question when I first came through the door, you definitely have an effect on me," Giles said gently, pulling away with a grin. "And, if things had been different..."
"If I was older you mean," she said reproachfully.
He laughed.
"If you were single, Willow. And sure of yourself. If that were the case, I can assure you..."
"I'm sure!"
"Of what exactly?"
She hesitated.
"Uh..."
Dropping one arm around her shoulders, Giles hugged her to him. Nothing sexual in this gesture, it was 100% friendly.
"If you'll forgive me the romance novel clichés, you have a big heart, Willow. And you still have a lot of time to find out exactly where that heart wishes to go."
"But... But... What if it's with Oz? Or, what if, if you and me..."
"As I said, you have time to find out. In the end, no one can choose who they love, can they? It'll come to you in time."
She looked up at him.
"And if, after I'm done figuring myself out, I'm single?"
"Well then. We shall address the issue at that point in time."
"Address the issue?"
Giles' eyes sparkled.
"In depth."
She grinned up at him.
***
The phone was ringing when she got back home.
Humming to herself, she waited until the answering machine picked up.
"Hey, Will. It's me. I kinda miss hanging out and I wondered if..."
She picked up the phone.
"Hey, Buffy!"
"Oh. I thought you might be out somewhere. Bronzing or something."
"Nope."
"I'm... I'm sorry I've been so avoidey lately."
"Have you? I didn't notice."
"Wanna hang out tomorrow?"
Willow took a moment to think about it and nodded to herself.
"Okay. You can help me buy some clothes to go with my new hair."
"You cut your hair and didn't tell me?"
And just like that, Willow's world was back on course. Nothing was figured out. She was still completely confused. Still kinda crushing on Giles, apparently. Still very much in love with Oz. But like Giles said, she had time. College in the fall. New experiences. Friends. Challenges to face.
Maybe he was right.
Let time tell what would happen.
For now, Buffy was back and there was the important issue of new hair colors to discuss.
***
The End.