Title: Mutuality
Fandom: BtVS
Rating: Eventually 18 (this chapter U)
Pairing: Wiilow/Giles (who else?)
Summary:Willow cares for Giles after his experience at the hands of Angelus
Spoilers: AU post- Becoming, part 2
Word Count: 1436
Feedback: Pretty please. Constructive criticism is always welcome. If you want to flame me, well okay, I have cattle prods. And chainsaws.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters (if I did Willow would be with Giles where she belongs!); I just hijack them and take them out for a joyride every now and then. Also, I have no beta, so any and all mistakes are solely mine.
Author's Notes: This fic includes consensual sex between an adult and a legal minor (16-17 year old). If this squicks you, then pass it by. Also I have arbitrarily picked June 24 for Willow's birthday, since I don't recall it mentioned on the show as to when it is. After all, Buffy's birthday seems to have been established as being in January, and Willow is supposed to be 'younger' than Buffy.

Mutuality

Chapter One---Mutual Comfort, Mutual Care

Willow sat wearily in front of Giles' door. The distance from her house to Giles' had never seemed that long till she had to wheel herself there. She didn't know why the doctors insisted she use the wheelchair. Okay, so she got dizzy if she stood for very long, but still... Then came the added fun of wheeling around until she found the handicap access down to the level of Giles' apartment. Her arms were very tired and her hands were sore. But she had to do this. Buffy hadn't shown up at school and Giles was obviously in bad shape from Angelus' torture. Someone needed to check up on him, and she'd elected herself. She'd started to go to the library to see him, but couldn't quite go through the door. Just one more reason to hate Angelus and Drusilla, for causing her to fear what had once been her favorite place. Willow knew that while Drusilla had led the raid on the library, it had been Angelus' idea. He'd needed Giles for something and sent Dru and his minions to get him, no matter who got hurt in the process. Her hand drifted up to the bandage over her left eye. Her head still tended to ache to the point that she couldn't read for long or even use her computer much.

She carefully leaned forward and knocked on Giles' door. She could hear him shuffling slowly to the door. As he opened it, she could see him awkwardly using his uninjured hand to grasp the knob.

"Willow," he seemed concerned, "Why are you here? Is everything okay?"

"I came to see how you were doing and if you needed anything" she replied as brightly as she could, hiding her shock at his haggard appearance.

"Do come in, " Giles noticed the colours of sunset beginning to appear in the sky, "Did Oz bring you?"

"No, Oz is home packing. He and the band are gonna go on a road trip, picking up gigs wherever they can. They leave just after school ends. I came by myself."

"You came here by yourself? Did you at least take a taxi?" he asked incredulously.

"No, I just wheeled myself over here." she carefully wheeled herself into his apartment, "I have to admit it seemed a little farther than when I walk here."

She hesitated at the step down into the main area of his apartment, worrying her lower lip as she considered how to get past this obstacle. She gingerly stood, rolled her wheelchair down the step, then sat in it again and moved toward the living room. She was dismayed to see the unGiles-like mess there: books scattered everywhere, pill bottles open on the coffee table, empty teacups and dirty dishes, clothes strewn about, the throw from the sofa bunched up on one side, as if used as a blanket. She made a mental promise to herself that she would clean it up. She knew it was just more evidence of the effects of the trauma he had suffered at Angelus' hands, but she wanted to help him move past it.

"Please forgive the way the place looks," he blushed embarrassedly as he picked up some dishes and moved them into the kitchen, "I haven't really picked up the way I should lately. Would you like some tea?"

"Sure, that'd be nice," she knew making tea was a comforting activity for him and felt she should encourage it.

As he puttered about in the kitchen, she maneuvered herself out of her wheelchair and into the armchair closest to her. She leaned forward and read the label on the open medications: Xanax and Tramadol.

Giles returned to the living room with a heavily laden tea tray. He set it down on the coffee table and settled himself on the couch to pour. Willow noticed a flash of pain cross his face and his hand trembled as he leaned forward to pass her cup to her and offer her the cookies he'd brought out as well.

"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," he snapped, rather testily, then sighed, "I'm sorry Willow. I wasn't able to take my medication this morning and I'm feeling a little out of sorts."

"Why didn't you take it? Isn't it something you need to take more often than that?"

"I can't take it before work because it makes me drowsy and unable to drive my car. Plus I need to remain alert should something happen or if Buffy needs me."

"But Giles, you need it or the doctor wouldn't have prescribed it for you. Surely you can take it now that work is over. You're hurting; I can see it."

"But if Buffy should require..." he started, but Willow interrupted him.

"Giles, I don't mean to be mean, but Buffy is gone. She's not going to show up on your doorstep tonight. She left her mother a note saying she couldn't take it anymore and packed some of her stuff and left. I'm sorry, but I think you can take your medication this one time without worrying about Buffy."

She stood and made her way unsteadily to his side. Picking up each medicine bottle, she took one out of each and handed them to him.

"Now take these. Don't make me use my 'resolve face.'"

In too much pain and too dispirited to argue, he took the pills and swallowed them with his tea.

"There, that wasn't so bad was it?" she grinned at him, then suddenly sat down as the room started tilting at the corners.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I just got a little dizzy there. It happens when I stand too long. I'll be okay."

"Perhaps you should be taking care of yourself instead of worrying about me?"

"I'm gonna be fine. The doctor said that the dizziness shouldn't last too long. But until it goes away I have to use the wheelchair and try not to stand for any length of time. Besides, if I don't take care of you, who will?" she added with a smile.

"But who will take care of you? Your parents?"

"No, they went back to Phoenix. They just came back long enough to check me out of the hospital and let Oz take me home," she admitted sadly.

"Oh, Willow, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," she murmured, unable to meet his sympathetic eyes, "It's not like I expected them to stick around. I'll be okay on my own."

"I'll make you a deal," he reached out and gently took her hand, "I'll let you take care of me if you let me take care of you."

"But I don't need..." she began to protest, but he cut her off.

"Please, Willow. Is it a deal?"

"Okay," she said a little sulkily, though secretly pleased that someone cared, "It's a deal."

"Good. First off, I think we both need to eat a real meal. I have some leftover chicken cacciatore that I should be able to warm up before the medications make me too drowsy," he stood and went to the kitchen.

Twenty minutes later he reappeared with two steaming plates.

"Mmm, this smells delicious," she picked up a forkful and blew on it to cool it.

They ate their meal, chatting about school and books, carefully avoiding the subjects of Buffy and Angelus. When they were finished, Giles took the plates back to the kitchen. When he returned he saw Willow taking a small white pill from a prescription bottle.

"Time for my pill, too. See, I'm being a good girl."

"Yes, well, good, good for you. I'm glad I don't have to be stern with you about it."

"It's supposed to help with the nausea I sometimes still get, but if I take it on an empty stomach, it makes me, well, nauseous. It also makes me very sleepy sometimes."

"So you don't take it before school?"

"No, I mean yes, I do. I just wake up around 3 AM, take it, go back to sleep and then get up for school like normal. The worst of the sleepiness is usually gone by then."

They talked a while longer till Giles noticed Willow's eyelids beginning to droop. His own were trying to close as well. He stood, helped her to lay down on the couch, and covered her with the throw. He hesitated, then placed an awkward kiss on her forehead before heading for the stairs to the loft.

""Night, Giles," she mumbled, sleepily.

"Good night, Willow," he whispered back.

 

Chapter 2---Mutual Responsibility

Willow awoke to a strange sound. At first, she was unsure of where she was, then remembered she'd fallen asleep on Giles' couch. Then the sound was repeated. It was a half-strangled cry coming from the loft. Without thinking, she pushed the throw off and headed for the stairs. She was at the middle landing before she realised her head was swimming and her knees were wobbly. But she heard that sound again and it pulled her onward. She was not going to give up. Resolve face. She carefully made her way up the remainder of the stairs, clinging to the balustrade. When she reached the top landing, she peeked into Giles' bedroom. He was thrashing about, moaning and mumbling. Cautiously, she approached the bed and sat on the edge. Putting her hand on his shoulder, she shook him lightly.

"Giles," she soothed, "It's all right; it's just a bad dream. Wake up."

He tossed a moment longer before sitting up with a gasp. He grabbed her arms in a punishing grip, his eyes wild.

"Okay, ouch. It's all right, Giles. It's me, Willow"

"Are you...real?" his hold on her loosened.

She took his hand between hers.

"I'm here, Giles. I'm real. It was just a nightmare."

She could feel him still trembling, and stroked his hand gently, murmuring comforting words, until his eyes resumed a somewhat normal appearance and his body relaxed slightly.

"It's okay. It was just an bad dream and it's over. I'm here, I'm real, and you're safe with me"

"But she's not and it's all my fault."

His face crumpled and his body was racked by sobs.

Willow scooted closer to him and tenderly put her arms around him.

"Giles it isn't your fault. What you did, what you went through...No one thinks it's your fault."

"But it is my fault, don't you see? I told them how to open the portal! They tricked me into thinking I was seeing Jenny and I told them everything! If I'd been a better Watcher I'd never have..."

"Shhh, no Giles. It wasn't your fault. Angelus tortured you and hurt you. It's not your fault," Tears slowly slipped from her eyes, "It's my fault."

"What? How is it your fault? You didn't tell them the secret to opening Acathla's gateway."

"If I'd done the spell sooner or quicker or better, Angelus would never have taken you and Buffy would never have left. It's my fault! I let you and my best friend down!"

Her slender shoulders shook with her tears.

"I'm a terrible friend! I should have done more! If I had, then Buffy wouldn't have left and you wouldn't be hurt!" she wailed.

Giles wrapped his arms around the distraught girl.

"No, Willow," he consoled,"You did nothing wrong. What you did...you shouldn't have even been able to perform the spell in your condition. You are...remarkable."

"But..."

"But nothing. You did what should have been impossible for you and I couldn't be prouder of you."

She leaned back and swiped at her tears with the heel of her hand.

"I'm sorry I got you all wet," she sniffled.

Giles reached over and pulled some tissues from a box on his nightstand. He wiped the remaining tears from her pale cheeks.

"No harm done. Perhaps we both needed to get these things out in the open to deal with them?"

"Maybe," she yawned.

"I'm sorry I disturbed your sleep," a thought occurred to him, "I thought you weren't supposed to be on your feet much. How did you get up here?"

"You needed me," she said quietly.

He was dumbstruck at her assertion. That she would jeopardize herself and her recovery simply because she thought he was in distress...it was unbelievable.

"Well, you're not going to attempt to navigate those stairs again tonight. I'll go down and sleep on the couch."

"No, Giles, you're hurt. You don't need to be sleeping on your lumpy sofa," her face pinkened slightly as she realised her affront to his couch, "Not that it's a bad couch, you know, it's not. It's a good couch, pretty..."

"It's all right, Willow," he interrupted her babble, "I know my couch isn't the most comfortable."

"So you shouldn't sleep on it while you're still injured."

"And you shouldn't be walking up and down stairs in your condition."

They'd reached an impasse; neither one willing to let the other do anything that might hamper their recovery in any way. Finally, they both sighed, and Giles gestured to the other side of the bed.

"If you wouldn't be too uncomfortable, you can stay here," he offered.

Willow gave him a tired smile, crawled over him and snuggled under the covers.

""Night, Giles" she mumbled, giving in to her weariness.

"Good night, Willow," he closed his eyes and hoped for sleep.

Chapter 3---Mutual Support

Willow awakened heavy-lidded and bleary-eyed. Her sleep had not been restful, broken often by Giles' flailing about in the grip of nightmares. But when she touched him and spoke to him in a low, soothing voice, he would calm and relax. In the end, despite the awkwardness, she curled up next to him, in hopes of giving him some peace and sleep. As she peeked over him at the clock, she noticed it was nearing 8 and it was full daylight out. She rarely slept this late, but luckily, it was Saturday so she didn't need to worry about being late to school. Giles, however seemed to be resting peacefully at last. Slowly, she got up and carefully made her way down the stairs. She quickly sat in her wheelchair, her legs feeling wobblier than usual due to her lack of sleep. After a visit to the bathroom to take care of necessities and splash some cold water on her face, she went back to the living room and began to straighten it out. She organised papers and put them on the desk, shelved books and took dirty dishes to the kitchen to be washed. After the room had regained a semblance of normalcy, she headed to the kitchen. Leaning heavily on the counter, she washed the dishes, then put on a pot of tea. Settling the tea tray in her lap, she wheeled herself back into the living room and set the tray carefully on the coffee table. Maneuvering herself onto the couch, she settled back and sipped her tea. After a short time, she heard Giles moving around in his bedroom and coming down the stairs. He gave her a brief nod as he headed for the bathroom. She could hear the shower running. When he returned, Willow had a cup of tea waiting for him, and he sipped it gratefully. Both blushed and looked away when they made eye contact, slightly embarrassed at the previous night's events. Peeking at him through her lashes, Willow was relieved to see he looked less ill at ease and more relaxed this morning. Giles, however, felt guilty at seeing the faint shadows under Willow's normally bright eyes. Unable to look directly at her, he glanced about the living room and noticed she'd tidied it up nicely. He appreciated her efforts, but she shouldn't have pushed herself so in her condition.

"I thought you weren't to over-exert yourself?" he frowned.

"I-I didn't...over-exert," she looked up, a guilty flush on her cheeks, "I stayed in my chair the whole time! Well, almost the whole time. I had to stand to reach the top shelves on your bookcase and to wash the dishes because hello, chair's too short to reach the sink, but otherwise I stayed in my chair."

He tried to keep the look of disapproval on his face, but it melted in the face of her honest pride in what she'd accomplished.

"Thank you," he smiled, "i'm grateful for your efforts, but I do wish you'd be a little more mindful of your condition. I would take it somewhat amiss if you should further injure yourself in trying to help me."

"Oh, I'm being careful. Total Caution Gal here," she insisted, with a nervous grin.

"Very well. Shall I fix us breakfast before I take you home, or is there somewhere else you need to go?"

"Well," she began uncertainly, "I'd kinda like to go by the mansion. I want to see if there's anything that might let me know for sure that the spell worked."

"We, erm, we can do that. I just need to stop by the library to pick up a couple of volumes I left there."

Willow hid her anxiety at the thought of going to the library.

'It's just the library,' she told herself, 'Nothing to be afraid of.'

After breakfast, they climbed into Giles' car for the trip to school. Willow smothered a giggle at the trouble Giles had starting the ancient Citroen. Soon enough, they were pulling up at the school. Both breathed a sigh of relief at the absence of Principal Snyder's car from the parking lot. Giles led the way to an outside door and pulled a key from his pocket. Unlocking the door, he stood back to allow Willow to enter before him. He was shocked to notice she seemed to be trembling.

"Willow," he knelt to look into her eyes, "What's wrong? Do you need your medication?"

"N-no," her voice quivered, "I-it's just I haven't been here since..."

"The attack," he finished for her, "I understand. But there's nothing to be frightened about. Drusilla and Spike seem to have left town and Angel or Angelus is gone. You'll be safe with me."

"O-okay," Willow tried to put on a brave face.

Giles slowly pushed her through the door, watching her intently to see if it was too much for her. As they neared the research table, she seemed to relax. Until her eyes looked up into the stacks. Then she paled and tensed up again. He pushed her chair to the base of the stairs. Putting his arm around her, he helped her to her feet.

"Come with me," he slowly guided her up the stairs, "They're just books. They're nothing to be afraid of."

He led her to the spot where the bookcase had been pushed on her. It had been righted and all the books replaced on the shelves. He felt the tremors coursing through her tiny form and she tenatively reached out to touch the spines of the books she loved so. Tears slipped from her eyes and he held her as she sank to her knees and sobbed out the fear and horror she'd been holding in. When she calmed, he gave her his handkerchief to wipe her eyes.

"I'm sorry I blubbered all over you," she sniffled.

"It's quite all right, Willow," he consoled,"I think that was something you needed to get out of your system so you could move past this."

He helped her to her feet, but her legs were shakier than before, so he gently lifted her in his arms and carried her back down to her chair. Pushing her to the doorway to his office, he went in and quickly retrieved the books he'd come for. They left through the door they'd come in and Giles made sure it was locked. Before long, they were headed to Crawford Street and the mansion. Willow turned to Giles and saw the apprehension in his face.

"We don't have to do this," she reassured him.

"Nonsense, you want to see if there is any evidence of the success of your spell. We'll tale a look around and perhaps we'll find something."

He helped her into her chair and pushed her to the front door. The door swung open, Buffy having broken the lock when she went to confront Angelus. They went toward the great room and looked around them, Broken items were scattered about and a tire iron lay on the floor. Willow wheeled over to the statue of Acathla.

"Hey, Giles," she called, "Look at this. Isn't this the sword that Kendra gave Buffy?"

Giles came up beside her and looked intently at the sword, without touching it.

"Hmmm, it appears to be. Notice up here is a mark that looks like possibly the place the original sword was located."

Both were silent, pondering the ramifications of Kendra's sword in Acathla's statue. As Willow looked away, she noticed a room off to the side, behind a curtain. She wheeled herself over to it and pushing the cloth barrier aside, moved into the room. She halted at the sight of the straight-backed wooden chair in the centre of the room, the ropes with dried blood on the floor behind it. Realisation that this was the room where Giles had been held and tortured dawned on her, and she felt sick. A sound behind her caused her to whip her head around, but it was only Giles. He stood uncomfortably in the entryway, unable to look at the chair. She came up to him and took his hand, feeling the shivers running through him. Suddenly a violent sob tore itself from his throat and he fell to his knees. Willow was alarmed, but pulled on him till he buried his head in her lap. She leaned over and held him as best as she could while he relived the terror he'd endured. When he seemed to quiet, she stroked his hair.

"Tell me," she softly urged.

At first he shook his head, then haltingly began to describe the hours of torment he'd suffered at Angelus' hands. He related his horror upon discovering himself kissing Drusilla and the realisation of her deception and his inadvertent divulging of the secret to Acathla's gateway. Willow hugged him closer, placing a kiss on his head and murmuring comforting words to him. They stayed like that for a long time, until Giles pulled himself together. He raised his head and Willow pulled the handkerchief, still damp fom her own breakdown, from his pocket and wiped the tears from his eyes. He pressed her hand to his cheek, eyes closed.

"Thank you," he whispered.

After a few moments, he stood and slowly pushed her out of the room and the mansion. Back in his car, he drove her to her house. He helped her inside and she wheeled herself to the guest room where Oz had moved some of her things so she wouldn't have to try the stairs alone. She took a quick bath and then threw some things in an overnight bag. There was no way she would let him be alone tonight after the visit to the mansion. Picking it and her laptop up, she headed back to the living room to find Giles sitting on the couch, absently flipping through a psychology magazine.

"Ready?" she smiled at him brightly.

After arriving at his apartment, he went into the kitchen to fix a pot of tea, while she moved onto the couch. They spent the rest of the afternoon chatting about school, books, art, anything but their visits to the library and the mansion. Giles fixed dinner and and Willow insisted on helping him with the dishes. Afterwards, she booted up her computer and checked her e-mail. There was one from Oz. he and the Dingoes had left that afternoon. They'd been booked for a couple of concerts in Northern California and a then another in Oregon. He was going to blow off the last few days of school. He'd tried to call her, but she wasn't home. He wasn't sure when he'd be back, but he'd send her a postcard.

"Bad news?" Giles asked, noticing the slight pout she wore.

"Not really, Willow replied, "Oz and the band left this afternoons. They got some gigs up north and they're gone. I just didn't expect him to leave so soon. But hey!" she forced a smile, "They got some gigs pretty fast. Maybe they'll get discovered or something this summer."

"So he is to be gone all summer?"

"Yeah, I think so. He says he doesn't know when he'll be back, but i can expect a postcard."

"I see," Giles hid a frown. He didn't care for Oz's cavalier treatment of Willow. She'd been through something traumatic and all he could think of was himself.

'Well,' Giles vowed to himself, 'I can at least make sure she's okay and taken care of.'

"Erm, could you show me a little on how to use that dreadful machine?"

"Why Giles," she teased, "Are you ready to take a few steps into the computer age?"

She spent the next few hours showing him a few basic things on the laptop, until it was time for bed. She pulled out her prescription and made sure he took his. He went to the bathroom to wash up before bed and then slowly climbed the stairs to the loft. Willow went into the bathroom and changed into the pajamas she'd packed. she brushed her teeth and washed her face. Deciding she'd put it off long enough, she moved to the stairs and carefully made her way up them. Despite her scarlet cheeks, she had her resolve face firmly in place as she pulled back the covers and slid into the bed. Giles was asleep yet restless, but as her weight caused the mattress to dip he rolled over. She started to settle in, but his arm snaked out and pulled her closer. She tensed slightly, but realised he was sleeping soundly and didn't want to disturb that, so she relaxed and closed her eyes. Soon, she too was slumbering peacefully.

 

TBC......

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