Title: Like that of the heart
Author: Veronica
E-Mail: roni.s@sympatico.ca
Rating: U
Spoilers: Season 7
Disclaimer: Joss owns all in the Buffyverse. I'm just borrowing them.
Distribution: If you like it, be my guest. just let me know where.
Feedback: Would like it very much.
Summery: Willow takes stock of her life on Valentine's Day, and takes a chance
As was typical, the entire Scooby gang was at the Watcher's apartment for yet another researching session. Willow sat on the couch with her legs tucked beneath her and a book propped open on her legs.
Though her eyes were directed to the yellowing pages of a very old book, her eyes weren't seeing what the words actually said as her mind drifted around in her own little world. A world where nothing bad ever happened, no demons or monsters. or things that went bump in the night.
Unbeknownst to the red head, however, the others were in the kitchen talking softly amongst themselves, hoping that Willow could not hear the conversation.
"Giles, you can't tell me that she's better. I mean, look at her." Buffy said as she gestured to the living room at the red head who sat with unseeing eyes staring at a book, oblivious to the fact that she was alone.
"Buffy, I assure you that there is nothing wrong with Willow."
"You call `that' fine? Look at her. She hasn't been `right' since the day she got back from England with you. She's always so. so quiet. She doesn't join in much when it comes to conversations, she hardly ever goes out on patrol with me anymore. And she's always staring off into space, getting this really blank look. Its just. well, its creepy. Its just not `our' Willow." Buffy finished.
"Buffy, how long did it take you to get over Angel's death?"
"Okay, okay. But Giles, she's been back for five months now."
"Yes, yes she has. And the poor girl is still adjusting."
"Adjusting to what? We're here, all of us. We're all trying to help. but we are running out of ideas."
"Buffy, you must try to understand." Giles replied, slowly losing patience. "Willow lost the woman she loved, almost destroyed the world, hurt the people she loved most in her life. Then was ripped away from everything she knew and taken to England-a strange land to her- and placed in a coven of strangers."
"But, Giles." Xander cut in.
"No, Xander. No `buts'. All the girl needs is time." He looked around to the small group. "All of you seem to be forgetting one important thing."
Everyone looked to each other then back Giles with quizzical expressions on their faces, waiting for his explanation.
"Today is Valentine's Day." Giles said in exasperation. "I think you could, as you say `cut her some slack'."
The others bent their heads in shame, forgetting what day this was.
"First Valentine's without Tara." Xander said softly as the rest nodded.
"Look, we've come up with nothing so far, why don't all of you go on. I'm sure you have things planned for this evening, and Willow can stay here with me as I have no other plans scheduled for tonight."
"Alright, Giles. Just." Buffy glanced in the red head's direction, "just keep an eye on her."
"I assure you, she is in good hands. Now get along with you, everything will be fine. Enjoy your evening festivities." He said with a smile.
The gang made their way back to the living room and gathered their belongings.
"See ya later, Will." Buffy said as she scooped up her purse and headed to the door with Xander in tow.
"Huh? Oh, right. Have a good time." Replied Willow with a slight smile, and returned her eyes to the pages she was staring at. The two gave Giles a worried glance, but the Watcher gave them a reassuring smile and a nod. Though not quite satisfied, Buffy and Xander left, allowing for silence to gratefully enter the apartment once more.
Giles stood off to the side, staring at Willow's profile, taking note that her eyes were angled towards the pages, but were not moving as they would if she were reading. `The poor girl' Giles thought. `No, not girl. Woman' he corrected himself.
He couldn't deny his feelings, hadn't been able to since his time with her in England. Giles was madly, deeply. devotedly in love with Willow. He had always been protective of her, she was fragile compared to Buffy. and even through all the evil she had seen, her innocence had remained intact. She had been the only one in the entire group that he'd had made any sort of a connection with. Yes, Buffy was his slayer, and she knew what was expected of her, and could protect herself. but Willow seemed to be the one who understood. She was incredibly intelligent, and fought along with Buffy because, in her mind, it was the right thing to do.
She didn't do it for the glory or recognition. she did it because her heart told her it was the right thing to do. She had always done what her heart told her. even if it meant taking revenge on Warren for killing Tara. Giles couldn't hold her responsible for that, after all, hadn't he tried to kill Angelus because of Jenny?
Yes, Giles understood only too well what was in her heart. Maybe that was one of the biggest reasons his heart became hers, that connection that they both shared. That connection which allowed them to talk to each other's thoughts and feelings. Giles had never realized just how alone Willow had felt, even when surrounded by her friends.
Much like himself, she had never really fit in. unless it came to researching. And like him, she loved to learn. They had much in common, he discovered.
Giles shook his head and walked over to the young woman, sitting himself down on the couch beside her.
"Willow?"
"Hmm? Oh, Giles. I'm sorry, I was-uh-I was."
"It is quite alright." He paused. "What were you thinking about before I so rudely interrupted?"
Willow looked to the book in her lap with a blush colouring her face. "I don't think you really want to know."
"Oh? And why is that, if I may be so bold?"
"I've been, well, re-evalutating my life for quite a while now and. and thinking about some poetry, a-and how the poetry fits and." she let her sentence trail off.
"Your life. and poetry?"
Willow took a deep breath, and began reciting.
"Love knows no reason,
Love knows no lies
Love defies all reasons
Love has no eyes
But love is not blind" she said, but Giles interrupted,
finishing the last line.
"Love sees but doesn't mind." He said, and Willow looked up at Giles in surprise.
"Author Unknown. You know it?" she asked.
"Why does it surprise you that I, too, read poetry?"
"I don't know. I just thought you were always too busy with reading about the next prophecy or about a new demon, or something along that line."
"Really. Do you have a favorite?" she asked with curiosity.
"But love is a durable fire
In the mind ever burning
Never sick, never old, never dead
From itself never turning." He finished.
"Sir Walter Raleigh."
"Yes. I am quite fond of his work." He said, and knitted his brows together as he continued speaking. "You said that you were reevaluating your life. I afraid I don't understand the connection of your life and the poem you recited."
Willow cast her eyes downward, unable to look upon him as she gathered her strength and began.
"I confess that I love him
I rejoice that I love him
I thank the maker of heaven and earth
That gave him to me"
"The exultation floods me, by Emily Dickinson." Giles finished in awe. `Could she be confessing her love to me? Bugger! Don't be such a foolish old man!' he chastised himself for even thinking..hoping for such a thing. But a small spark of hope ignited as the young woman looked into his face, allowing him to see the emotion clearly in her eyes.
Those beautiful deep, green eyes held such love, and what looked to be.fear? Giles couldn't stop himself as he reached over and took her hand in his.
"You.(ahem) you love me?" he asked.
"I do. I always have, right from the first time we met." She cast her eyes down. "I could never say anything in high school because I was just a kid. You would've taken it as just a crush. Who knows, maybe at the time it was. But as I got older, the feelings never left. they only got stronger. I knew you would have just looked at me as though I were a child, so I never said anything. Instead I made myself feel something for Oz.
Not the most mature thing to do, I know. but you wouldn't have returned my feelings. Then Tara came along. I really did love her, Giles, honest. But it never stopped me from loving you. Then all that time you and I spent in England together I. I decided to listen to my heart, a-and tell you how I feel."
"Willow."
"Its okay, Giles. I understand, really. I jus-I just had to tell you before I exploded. I know you don't."
"Willow." Giles repeated, and ran the back of his fingers down the side of her face as she quieted. "You know, luv, there is no instinct." he said with a tender smile as Willow finished the phrase for him.
"Like that of the heart."
"Quite fitting. don't you think?" he said as he brought her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss upon it.
fin