Little Savage
Author: Gwynnega
Rating: 18
Summary: In an AU S2, Willow and Giles fall in love and embark on a secret affair.
Author Notes: Thanks to Lovesbitca, Diva Stardust, and Juliet DeMarcus for their encouragement on this fic.
Story Notes: The title comes from the Elvis Costello song "Little Savage."
Disclaimer: Joss said to write fanfic.


 

1

At first Willow didn't know where she was, only that Giles's arms were around her. Apparently she was hugging him, too. She glanced around - they were in the stacks. She and Giles were embracing in the stacks. For a moment she thought she was dreaming - she'd had this dream. She'd fantasized about it, too. (Okay, sometimes she was in the stacks with Xander in her fantasies, but a book-related daydream made more sense with Giles in it.)

For a moment she just stood there and basked in the feeling of Giles holding her. It was even better than she'd imagined, his body so warm and strong - although, in her fantasies, she hadn't felt disoriented.

Then she gave a start, because she truly couldn't remember how she got there. "Giles? What's going on?"

Instantly he pulled away, and she wished he hadn't. He held her at arms' length, his hands making her skin tingle. He looked overwrought, his eyes searching her face. "Willow, are you all right?"

"I...I think so. I don't remember how I got here. And..." She couldn't find the words to ask why he'd had his arms around her. "Did I pass out or something?"

He let go of her and took a few steps backward, his eyes never leaving her face. "No, not exactly."

Then he told her about the other Willow, the older one, from some future that wasn't necessarily theirs. She'd been sent here by Ethan Rayne and Amy (because in the future, Amy got into witchcraft like her mom), and Giles had helped to send that Willow home. He didn't go into much detail. He was usually much more elaborate in his exposition, and Willow got the feeling there was more to the story. She didn't press, though, because she felt so bewildered.

When they left the stacks, they found Buffy and Xander sitting at the library table. She and Giles sat down, and Giles told them what he'd told her.

"It's so freaky," Willow said. "One minute I'm sitting here with Giles, doing research on Spike - and then nothing, a blank, until now."

"Meanwhile two days pass," Xander said, "with that other Willow walking around passing herself off as you."

And where had she been in the meantime? It made her dizzy to contemplate. Maybe she hadn't even existed at all during those two days, which was a pretty scary thought.

Buffy turned to Giles. "Good going, not letting us in on it while that other Willow was here."

"Yeah," Xander said, "what's up with that?"

"It was her decision," Giles snapped - and then, more gently, "I'm sorry, but she didn't want the two of you to know. She felt sure you'd ask her about the future if you did."

"She was acting a little weird," Buffy said.

"Wow, Willow-From-the-Future," Xander said. "Giles, you're the one who spent the most time with her. What was she like?"

"Yeah, Giles," Willow said, "what was I - I mean, she - like?"

He looked at her, and his eyes widened. "She was...like you," he said. "She was you, Willow." A smile burst across his face, then faded.

"What did she tell you about the future?" Buffy asked.

He cleared his throat noisily. "Not much," he said, and darted a glance at Willow, then looked off into space. She wanted to ask what was up with him, but somehow she couldn't. She could still feel his arms around her. She didn't ever want to forget the way that felt.

***

In the days that followed, Giles couldn't help but think that perhaps Ethan, that older Ethan, had sent the older Willow here so that he would fall madly in love with a sixteen year old. "Ah, Ripper," he could hear him say, "not so pure and good after all, are you?"

And yet, and yet, nothing in his life had ever felt as pure and good as the way he felt about Willow. Which was not to say he didn't desire her. When the other Willow was here, he had held her and kissed her. He had made love to her. And now he still longed to touch her, but he didn't dare. He scarcely dared to look at her, much less tell her how he felt.

A few nights after the younger Willow's return, he was alone with her in the library, researching the Du Lac Cross. Buffy was in grave danger from the Order of Taraka, and he managed to focus on the task at hand, mostly by sitting alone in his office with his books. Finally he found a description of the missing Du Lac manuscript. When he went to tell Willow, he found her asleep at the computer, her head on the keyboard. She looked so young, so vulnerable. It was wrong for him to want anything from her.

He touched her slender shoulder - and remembered how she'd moaned at his touch, how she'd wanted him inside her even though it hurt her, how he'd held her afterwards.

"Willow," he said, jostling her shoulder just barely, and she woke with a start, babbling about tadpoles. How could he ever tell her what had happened? He was a poor excuse for a Watcher, allowing himself to dwell on such matters when his Slayer was in peril - but when Willow looked up at him with her huge, serious eyes, he was undone.

The next night, in the midst of the battle in the church, Willow jumped up on the back of the vampire Giles was fighting. Darling girl, he thought, looking up at her surprisingly fierce countenance. They staked the vampire together, he holding the creature steady, she driving the stake in. Then she helped to brush the dust from his clothes with her small hands that had touched him when they made love. There was fierce fighting, there was fire. And alongside those things, there was his love for this girl, insistent and quite possibly idiotic. It would not let him forget.

That night the agents of the Order of Taraka were vanquished, along with Spike and Drusilla. But the next day, Giles saw Willow walking down the hall with a slight boy, his arm in a sling. They shared a box of animal crackers. The boy wore a soft smile, which was mirrored on Willow's face.

She had mentioned him - Oz, the boy who saved her life, who threw himself in front of a bullet for her, for which Giles was deeply grateful. But it was Oz, who the other Willow had called "my first real boyfriend." He wanted to break this real boyfriend's good arm.

She wore braids - the braids that the other Willow had said made her look twelve - but she didn't look like a child to Giles anymore. It hurt too much to think he might already have lost his chance with her, because he hadn't done what the older Willow had advised and told her the truth. He felt sick with fear.

Before he could stop himself, he followed them down the hall and interrupted whatever nonsense the boy was spouting about monkeys and zoos.

"Willow," he said, and she turned.

"Hi, Giles," she said brightly. "Hey, have you met Oz? He's the guy who - " She glanced at Oz, who raised his eyebrows at her. "Oh, right. He's the guy who did something I'm not supposed to be grateful for."

"May I speak with you?" Giles blundered on. Oz's eyes flicked over him as if to say: I've got your number, you old letch - although it may well have been Giles's guilty conscience speaking.

Willow looked reluctant to leave the lad. "You go ahead," Oz said. "I'll talk to you later." They exchanged another melting smile that made his stomach knot up.

He and Willow walked to the library. "So what is it?" she asked. "Monsters? Because I was hoping we could have a day or two off from the monsters."

"Quite," he said. "That is - no, it's not monsters." They entered the library. Predictably, no one was there. But was he really going to talk to her here? What if someone walked in? Somehow he couldn't bring himself to ask her into his office. He didn't want to corner her, frighten her.

"So what is it, Giles?" She pulled off her backpack and set it on the floor.

"It's a matter of some..." He couldn't think of the word. Vampires made him considerably less nervous than this girl in the gray sweater, flowered skirt and sneakers. "A matter of some delicacy. It's about the older Willow."

"I knew it." She pulled up a chair and sat. "I knew there was something you weren't telling me. Because you've been looking at me kinda funny, ever since that day when I came back from wherever I was."

He sat across from her. "I haven't told anyone what I'm about to tell you. But if you feel the need to tell someone, I shan't stop you."

"Stop me? Giles, what are you talking about?" She gave him an indulgent smile. He was behaving like an idiot, but she was such a kind soul. She thought the best of him. How would she look at him when she knew?

"What I mean is, you can tell the others if you like - or we can keep it between us. It's entirely up to you." Notwithstanding the fact that if she did tell the others, Buffy would probably never speak to him again and Xander would likely threaten to kick his ass. Or vice versa, although Buffy might do rather more than threaten. But it would be wrong to swear her to secrecy.

"Go on," she said.

"The other Willow and I...we shared...certain experiences."

"What kind of experiences?"

"You see...she and I...not I, but another Giles, in their future..."

Her eyes widened. "Giles - just tell me! Is it really as bad as all that?"

"They were together. They were...a couple."

"Really?" He didn't think he'd ever seen her eyes go quite so wide before. Her mouth soon followed suit. Then she actually smiled, ever so slightly. "I feel kind of embarrassed, Giles."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I thought you had a right to know."

"Don't be sorry. I'm glad you told me. So is that it? That's the big secret - that in some alternate reality, a version of me and a version...of you..."

"I'm afraid there's more," he whispered.

She nodded. He thought he saw her swallow nervously.

"The other Willow and I. While she was here, we...became lovers."

She stared at him. She didn't seem frightened or angry - merely stunned. "Wow. Wow. I'm a fast worker, aren't I?" An attack of shyness seemed to hit her, and she stared down at the table. "That's why we were hugging in the stacks..." She looked at him again. "You actually...you liked me that much? I mean, not me, but..."

He hadn't expected that. "I did, Willow. I do." Slowly he leaned forward, and to his surprise, she didn't back away. "It wasn't just physical between us. I developed feelings for her. For you."

"For me?" she whispered. God, her eyes were so beautiful, so green.

Out with it. "I fell in love with her, you see. And that means that I'm...in love with you."

He heard her sharp intake of breath. "Giles, how is this possible?"

She was clearly appalled. He wished he could take it all back, unsay it.

But then her expression softened. "It's just, I'm not the kind of girl who gets fallen in love with on a regular basis. Or ever. But that you could feel that way about me..." She peered at him. "Maybe you're not in your right mind. Maybe you're under a spell or something. Or maybe...was she a lot different from me?"

That she didn't consider herself lovable made him ache for her. "She was more self-assured, more experienced. But she was you."

"But...you didn't have these feelings for me before you met her, right?"

"I would never have allowed myself to be open to the possibility, given the disparity of our ages."

"But I'm still sixteen."

He let out a great sigh. "And I'm feeling like a perverted old man. If she were here, she could explain why it isn't wrong for me to feel this way about you. I know this is all very selfish of me. It's just, when I saw you with Oz - "

She looked incredulous. "You're jealous of Oz? I barely know Oz. He did save my life, but - "

"The other Willow told me that Oz became your first boyfriend."

"Really." She smiled in spite of herself - that soft smile he'd seen her give Oz over the animal crackers. But when she saw Giles's face, the look vanished. "This really bothers you?"

"I know it's wrong," he said. "You should be with fellows your own age."

"You're jealous," she repeated. "That's...wow. No one's ever been jealous over me before. But Giles, why should I be with guys my own age? Buffy's dating a guy who's over two hundred."

"I should have waited. We're supposed to get married later, at least in her reality..."

She gripped the table's edge with both hands. "Married?"

"Maybe I shouldn't be telling you any of this. Perhaps, years from now, it all would have unfolded naturally, the way it did for her and that other Giles."

"We got married?"

"I know this all must be a tremendous shock. I should have waited - "

"Would you quit saying that?" Her eyes flashed. "Maybe I don't want to wait. Did you ever think about that? You may not have noticed, but my life is all about the waiting. Waiting for Xander to notice me, waiting for my first kiss, waiting for someone to want me. And now you do...want me...and you're the most wonderful person it could possibly be, and I'm supposed to wait years to do anything about it? I say enough with the waiting, Giles. I've already been waiting for what feels like forever."

It took a few moments for her words to sink in. "You really think I'm...the most wonderful person it could possibly..." He couldn't help but smile.

"Of course I do, Giles," she said, and gave him a smile that made that other smile she'd given Oz look shabby indeed.

"Willow, are you saying that you would actually want..."

"Yes," she said, "that's what I'm saying. Notwithstanding the fact I think I might pass out right now, I'm so nervous."

He reached across the table and placed his hand lightly on hers. "Willow, please don't pass out," he murmured. "I'm nervous, as well."

"Really?" There was an adorable little crinkle between her eyes. "Maybe we can be nervous together?"

Just then the library doors opened, and Giles pulled his hand away. Buffy and Xander came in. "Hi guys," Willow said in a tiny voice.

"Time for class, Will," Buffy said. "What are you doing in here? You're gonna be late."

"Maybe she decided to wise up and start cutting class like the more sophisticated members of the student body," Xander said.

Willow started to laugh rather hysterically. Giles felt like joining in, but managed not to.

"I didn't think it was that funny," Xander said.

Buffy scrutinized her. "Have you been abusing the caffeine again, Will?"

She laughed again. "It makes me...nervous." She stole a glance at Giles, and a smile spread across her face. Then she steeled herself, made herself frown. He was having a hard time not grinning like a loon.

Willow jumped up. "Bye, Giles," she said, attempting to sound casual.

"Goodbye, Willow," he said, attempting to do the same.

Once the three of them had trooped off to class, he sat for a long while. You're the most wonderful person it could possibly be, she'd said. He couldn't stop smiling.

***

After school let out that day, Giles was in his office having a cup of tea, when she appeared in the doorway.

He nearly upset his cup and saucer. "Willow, I thought you'd gone home."

She looked tense, apprehensive. She entered the room and shut the door. She stopped, thought a moment - then, to his astonishment, she turned the lock. She looked up at the window, crossed to it and closed the blinds. Whatever it was she was doing, she was doing it thoroughly.

"Willow?" His heart was pounding.

She stood there watching him. "Giles, do you want to kiss me?"

He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He wanted so much to kiss her sweet, grave face, but it seemed wrong even to acknowledge the wish.

She took a step towards him, then another, until she stood before him. "What I mean is, I would like it if you would. I'd like it if you'd kiss me."

Christ, she was so brave. His whole body seemed to hold its breath. He reached up to caress the side of her face, her bright hair. Her eyes lit expectantly, she leaned towards him, and they kissed softly.

It surprised him how much she kissed like her older self. She kissed him as if she knew him very well. He had thought the other Willow kissed him that way because she'd married him, but when this girl pressed her lips to his, she made him feel known and loved just the same way.

She pulled back slightly, her eyes soft and full of wonder, her lips curved gently upwards. They kissed again, her arms around his neck.

Then she straightened up, gazing at him as if he were the most marvelous being in the world. "Giles, what happens next?"

"That's entirely up to you." At the moment, he felt replete. She cared for him, she had kissed him. He didn't need to think about what happened next.

"But surely you must want something from me." She sounded almost disappointed.

"I don't want anything that you're not ready to give." I want to make you happy, he thought. I want to make you feel loved. Somehow he knew that wasn't what she was talking about.

"It's going to take me a little time to adjust," she said. "To be ready to...do anything." She shifted from foot to sneakered foot.

"We don't have to do anything, Willow. You don't have to worry about that." Meanwhile a voice inside him was screaming: Are you insane? Of course you want her.

"But I want to...do things with you, Giles. I just need to work up to it. I mean, you've already done all this stuff with the other Willow. I feel like I need to catch up."

"Listen to me," he said, and took her hand in his. "I love you. Just being here with you, right now, is more than I could've hoped for."

She smiled. "I think maybe you could hope for a little more than that." It took him a moment to realize she was flirting with him. He squeezed her hand, and her eyes twinkled. She was delighted by all of this. She was a little scared, too, but then, so was he - more than a little, truth be told.

"So am I to understand, by your little subterfuge here," he said, and indicated the closed blinds, "that you intend to keep this between us?"

"Well, it's really no one else's business," she said. "And besides, you could get in trouble. With the school, and maybe my parents. Plus, Buffy and Xander wouldn't understand, even though Angel is way older than you."

"That's kind of you to say, but compared to Angel, I'm rather the worse for wear."

"That's not true." She held his hand tightly. "You're not the worse for wear. If anything, you're the better for wear. You're so handsome, I can barely stand to look at you right now, thinking how we might..." She stared into his eyes then as if hypnotized, and they reached for each other.

This time the kiss took them over. She half-sprawled on him, his arms around her keeping her from falling as their mouths met again and again. By the time they came up for air, she was sitting on his lap, looking at him with a dazed expression. "Wow," she said. "That was..."

"I love you," he breathed, and stroked her hair.

"Giles, I..."

"Please don't feel you need to respond in kind," he said. "I don't expect - "

"Shush," she said, and put a finger to his lips. "I've always been at least a little bit in love with you, ever since I met you. So you see, I'm way ahead of you." And she kissed him again, a sweet, resolute kiss.

Perhaps he was selfish, perhaps he was a perverted old man. But joy rang through him. She loved him. He knew he could never turn his back on this, not now.

***

2

It wasn't like Willow to daydream in class, but she couldn't help herself these days. She gloated a bit in computer class, thinking how dumb Miss Calendar had been to let Giles go, and how happy she was that Giles was hers now. But it also bugged her, thinking about how Miss Calendar had gone out with Giles. Before all this had happened, it had been kind of fun to see Giles all flustered and awkward around Miss Calendar, and then to see him happy with her, because Willow loved Giles and wanted him to be happy. But now it irked her to remember how much he'd seemed to like Miss Calendar. Willow watched her, so dark and pretty - so much prettier than she was.

Still, all she had to do to wash away that icky jealous feeling was to replay Giles kissing her. It was on an endless loop these days, when she wasn't with him - memories of her and Giles kissing in the stacks, in his office. A couple of nights ago she'd gone to his place for the first time, and at first she'd been nervous, but then they kissed on the sofa, and listened to old LPs from his record collection. He held her, and they talked for a long time. They talked about what it was like to grow up in England, and what it was like to grow up in Sunnydale, and what books they loved. He told her how much he loved her, and how beautiful she was, and how he wanted to make her happy. Then they kissed some more. Giles was such a wonderful kisser.

When the bell rang and the door opened, Giles was standing there, as if her daydreams had conjured him. Love surged through her, and she fought the urge to wave wildly at him. He walked towards her, against the flood of students making for the door. He was trying to keep a lid on his smile. Giles had the sweetest smile. "Hello," he said in a melty tone. Then he put on his public voice. "Willow, I was wondering if you might have some time to help me with that cross-referencing project."

Willow didn't think she'd ever be able to hear the word cross-referencing again without getting all excited. "Sure," she said. "I have some time right now."

"Great," he said, and there was that smile again, irrepressible.

All the other students had gone, but there was still someone else in the classroom. "Hello, Rupert," Miss Calendar said in a dour tone.

He turned. "Hello, Jenny. How have you been?"

"All right." Miss Calendar glanced at Willow as if she should give them some privacy. Miss Calendar wanted to talk to Giles. And there was nothing Willow could do about it.

Giles turned to her, looking supremely uncomfortable. "I'll be along in a minute," he said.

Feeling jealous and miserable, but her heart racing at the prospect of being alone with him, she went to the library and into the stacks, to their special spot, the secluded place where it had begun between them. The place where he'd kissed the other Willow and told her he loved her, the place where she'd come back and found herself in his arms. Now it was their place.

She didn't have to wait long. "That was a nice surprise, you coming to find me in class," she said. "Pretty bold, Mister."

"I couldn't wait to see you." He took her in his arms and kissed her. Life was wonderful.

Still, she couldn't get that nagging question out of her mind. "What did Miss Calendar want?"

"She thought my showing up to ask for your help was a ruse to see her. I believe she called it 'a flimsy excuse.'"

"As if!" But Willow wasn't feeling all that secure. "As if, right?"

"What? Oh, of course," he said. "I feel badly about what happened to her - it was my fault, after all, and I'm concerned about how she's getting on. But on a more personal level, I honestly haven't given her a second thought since..." He gave Willow an adoring look.

She touched his cheek. "Doesn't that make you kind of fickle?" She grinned.

"I'll show you fickle," he growled, and pulled her closer. It thrilled her when he took that tone with her. He kissed her roughly. She liked it when he did that, too. She wondered, though, if he'd ever kissed Miss Calendar that way.

He pulled back and smiled at her, but then his eyebrows crinkled. "What are you thinking about?"

"Sometimes I wish everyone knew about us. I sure wish everyone knew you were spoken for."

"Likewise. I've seen the way Oz looks at you."

"That's not the same thing." Oz was nice - she liked him. She had the feeling he would've been a good boyfriend. Plus, they could've had a more public relationship, which she craved. But she was so crazy about Giles, she wasn't even slightly tempted. "He may have been that other Willow's boyfriend, but to me he's just a friend friend. You actually dated Miss Calendar. How do I know you wouldn't go back to her, if she changed her mind?"

He thought for a moment. Then he gave her such a kiss, she felt it all the way down in her tiptoes. "That's how you know," he whispered in her ear.

"Oh...yes, that's pretty darn convincing..." He kissed his way down her neck. "Also convincing..."

Apparently he was convinced as well - she felt his erection pressing against her belly. It had been making regular appearances during their makeout sessions, but she still wasn't entirely comfortable with its presence. "Wow," she said, "it really is awfully big, isn't it?"

"Sorry," he said, backing up slightly with a sheepish look.

"No, I'm glad I have that effect on you." She cast her eyes downward for just a moment - that bulge in his trousers was big, all right. How on earth would it ever fit inside her? More and more she thought about going to bed with him, but the idea scared her a little. "I'm just sorry if you're all frustrated, Giles."

"Not at all," he said. "You make me so happy."

"You make me happy, too. But I think I'd be insulted if you weren't a little frustrated."

"Very well," he said. "I do want you, Willow. I want you all the time. But I want you in your own time." He gave her a more subdued kiss, then pulled a large tome from the shelves. "This will come in handy," he said, and held it over his crotch. She giggled, and reached up to wipe some stray lipstick from his mouth.

"By the way," she asked as they walked through the stacks, "how was patrol last night? You went with Buffy, right?"

"She seemed unusually...violent. I felt almost sorry for the vampires. She beat one to a pulp, before finally putting him out of his misery."

"That's because her mom has a new boyfriend, and she walked in on them kissing."

"Indeed?"

Suddenly Willow imagined what would happen if Buffy were to walk in on her and Giles kissing. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asked as they emerged from the stacks.

"Better Buffy's mother and her boyfriend than us?" he asked.

"Yep."

***

Better Buffy's mother and her boyfriend than us. Those words came back to Giles when he learned that Buffy had killed Ted. He wasn't sure if she would ever recover from the guilt of taking a human life. While Willow and the others investigated Ted to see if they could turn up anything that would help Buffy, he went patrolling. "Be careful," Willow told him, unable to hold him or kiss him because Xander and Cordelia were there.

"I will," he said, and left with his bag. But while he was making his rounds that night, who should accost him but Jenny Calendar. At that moment, he would have vastly preferred a vampire.

"I saw your car back there," Jenny said. "I wanted to apologize." She wanted to do more than just apologize. She said all the things he'd wanted to hear, before. She said she'd been too harsh, but she wanted to "give it another shot." She spoke with utter confidence that he would jump at the chance.

He couldn't quite remember what he ever saw in her. "Thank you," he said. "But I think it would be best if we left things the way they are."

"What?" She stared at him. "Are you serious?"

"I am. Jenny...I'm seeing someone."

She flinched. "Oh," she said. "I see. Well, you snooze, you lose."

"I'm sorry," he said. They stood in awkward silence. Giles's heart leapt with gratitude when a vampire came snarling through the bushes.

***

Later that night, Giles was in bed, not yet asleep, when the phone rang. It was Willow, telling him of the grisly remains they had found at Ted's home, and how Ted had turned out to be a robot.

"So you're all right? And Buffy, and everyone?"

"Everyone's fine. Big relief, huh?"

"It certainly is." He was lying on his side, facing the phone, his eyes closed so he could imagine he was facing Willow.

"And it's a big relief to me that you're okay," she said. "I was worried about you, patrolling all alone."

He smiled in the dark. "I only encountered one vampire. Oh, and Jenny turned up."

"What?"

Giles moved the receiver slightly away from his ear. "She wanted to apologize for the way she'd behaved earlier today. And..." He braced himself. "She said she wanted to give us another try."

But this time Willow didn't raise her voice. "What did you tell her?" She sounded miserable, for all the world as if he were about to throw her over for Jenny.

"I said I wasn't interested, of course. I told her I was seeing someone."

He heard her sigh of relief. "You did? How did she take it?"

"She seemed to take it fairly well. Then she shot me with my crossbow."

"She what? Are you all right? It doesn't sound like she took it very well, Giles!"

"Willow, it was an accident. She was aiming for a vampire. She took me to the hospital. I'm fine."

"You poor thing! And...that bitch!"

Giles couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm sorry, but...that crossbow-wielding hussy, wanting to steal you away from me, and okay, she doesn't know about us, but still. And then she shot you!"

He imagined her indignant face, her flashing eyes. How he loved her. "Willow, I'm all right."

"I think I should come over tomorrow night and take care of you."

"I'd like that, but really I'm fine."

"Then why don't I come over tomorrow night and we can do...the other thing."

This was an unexpected turn. "The other...thing?"

Her voice grew thin and small. "You know."

He knew, all right, and he wanted her more every day. "Willow, much as I would love to, if you can't even say the words, I don't think you're ready."

"I'm ready. I'm good and ready!"

He turned onto his back, forgetting his injury, then stifled a groan and quickly resumed his former position. "Good and ready because of what Jenny said?"

"No, that isn't it." She paused. "Okay, so maybe that's it. But I don't want you to leave me!"

He wished very much that she were with him now, so he could hold her and prove to her how impossible his leaving her was. "Darling, I'm not going to leave you."

"But what if you decide I'm too young and can't give you what you want?"

"And what if you decide I'm far too old for you - which, by the way, I am - and I can't give you what you want?" He prayed that would never happen.

"But you give me exactly what I want, Giles."

"And so do you. Besides, in the other reality, I married you. Doesn't it stand to reason I'm not going to leave you?"

"In the other reality you fell in love with me when I was older and not a virgin. In fact, in this reality you fell in love with me when I was older and not a virgin, and knew all the stuff you liked."

She had him there. "It's true, I fell in love with the older Willow first, but the two of you are not so different. Mainly you're less self-confident, as witness this conversation. I love you. Being with her opened my eyes to how much I love you."

"So you're really not going to leave me for Miss Calendar, even though she's all sexy and experienced?" She put a slight sneer on the word "sexy."

"I'm not going to leave you for her or anyone."

"Even if I'm not ready to...to fully be with you yet?"

"Even if." Christ, even hearing her talk about not being ready for sex was making him hard.

She gave what sounded like a happy sigh. "Okay, done freaking out now."

"I'm glad."

"Can I still come over tomorrow night and tend to your wounds?" Her voice took on a sweet, soothing tone that lulled him in the dark.

"My wounds don't need tending, but your presence would be greatly appreciated."

"And Giles? I think I will be ready, soon."

"Soon?" The word made him feel lightheaded.

"And not because of Miss Calendar or anything like that - but because I love you so much, and I really want to be with you. I think about it a lot."

"I think about it too, sweetheart."

"I know you do. It makes me so happy that you think about me that way."

When her voice took on that intimate tone, it was almost as if she were in the bed with him. Almost.

***

3

Mr. Whitmore wrote the word SEX on the blackboard - as if Willow needed to be reminded. "The sex drive in the human animal is intense," he said. "How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings?"

It occurred to Willow that her sexual thoughts and feelings weren't unwanted - they were thoroughly wanted. And she still managed to pull straight A's. But she wished she were making out with Giles right now. He was probably in the library. She could excuse herself to go to the bathroom and drag Giles into the stacks. No, she couldn't do that. Could she?

She pictured the look he got on his face when he touched her and kissed her - all dark and intent and sexy. Just thinking about it made her hot and wet between the legs. She always seemed to be wet these days, and she made herself come every night before she fell asleep. She had to.

"With all sorts of hormones surging through your bodies, compelling you to action," Mr. Whitmore said, "it's often difficult to remember that there are negative consequences to having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such consequence?"

For some reason Xander and Cordelia started babbling about sex in cars, halitosis, and god knows what. What was with them lately? They were fighting all the time. Why did Xander bother to engage her?

Saturday morning Willow had gone to the local clinic for her first gynecological exam, and started taking the Pill. She had a feeling she and Giles might start having sex before the pills even took effect. Luckily the clinic had given her condoms too. Things were getting pretty hot and heavy between them. A few days ago, in their secluded place in the stacks, he'd put his hand under her sweater, caressed her breasts and stroked her nipples through her bra. Only his tongue in her mouth kept her from moaning loudly.

The other day at his place, she'd gotten him to tell her about the time he had sex with the other Willow. In a way it made her feel as if she'd already had sex with him - but if it were possible to feel jealous of herself, she did.

After much hemming and hawing, he admitted they hadn't known if the older Willow's essence had been channeled into her body, or if her teenage appearance had been some sort of glamour. He looked so guilty saying this, as if she would think it a horrible thing if he'd had sex with the other Willow in her body, while she was off in the ether somewhere. And okay, maybe that would've been quite weird, but at least it would've spared her the physical pain of losing her virginity! Alas, she told him, her virginity was very much intact. (If she'd had any doubts about that, the sheer hell of the speculum exam would've put them to rest.) He was relieved. At least one of them was.

What on earth were Xander and Cordelia going on about? Mr. Whitmore seemed rather nonplussed. "Another consequence of sexual activity?" he asked.

Willow raised her hand, and he called on her. "How about pregnancy? That would be a major one, right?"

***

"Why do you all have eggs?" Giles asked them later in the library, when they were talking about the Gorch brothers.

"They're our babies," Willow said. "For health class."

"Indeed," Giles said, and a secret smile flickered across his face. She knew what he was thinking. Giles had told her that the other Willow and Giles were trying to start a family. She wondered if that Willow had gotten pregnant yet, and marveled at the notion. It was hard to imagine ever having children - her breakable little egg was all the responsibility she wanted right now. Yet it made her happy to think about the other Willow and Giles having a baby. Looking at Giles's face, she could tell it made him happy, too.

***

Of course those eggs turned out to be evil, making them into mindless drones for that big squishy thing in the basement that Buffy killed with a pickaxe. So much for the joys of parenthood. When they came back to themselves, all confused and dirty, Willow found out she'd even knocked out Xander, for which she felt extremely contrite. Giles looked as bewildered as she felt. She wanted so much to hold him. She didn't yet know exactly what had happened, only that their bodies and minds had been taken away, controlled. She needed to get herself back.

She sidled up to Giles. "Can I come over?"

He nodded. Poor Buffy was busy getting lectured by her mom, and Xander and Cordelia seemed to have already left school. With everyone else milling around, talking about the "gas leak," no one noticed when they got into his little silver car and drove off.

At Giles's house, they each took a shower to wash off the grime of their ordeal. He'd given her one of his shirts to put on, which she liked, and he put on a robe. It was the closest to naked they'd been around each other, and it gave her an expectant, keyed-up feeling. But she felt cozy, too, after the nice hot shower, her hair damp, her body clad in his big shirt. His hair was damp, too, and it made him look even more adorable.

He made a pot of tea, and they brought the tea things and some buttered toast upstairs to eat in bed. They'd made out on his bed before, but this felt different. They planned to have their snack, then take a nap, as both of them were exhausted, but suddenly Willow found herself neither hungry nor sleepy.

They drank a little tea, took a few bites of toast, and then they lay tangled on the bed, kissing, her leg over his. Soon she felt his erection pressing her through the robe, and when the shirt rode up, she didn't pull it back down. Her whole body felt heavy, full of blood.

Giles pulled back slightly to look at her. "Do you want to stop?"

She shook her head. "I want to do more with you."

He unbuttoned her shirt and opened it. "You're so beautiful," he said, "so exquisite." She fumbled with the belt of his robe. His body was so beautiful, it made her breath catch to look at him. Their mouths met, and then their bare skin met for the first time.

His skin felt so hot and good against her. His hands were all over her. She didn't think she'd ever been so excited. She reached inside his robe so she could stroke his back. His cock bumped against her belly, and she didn't dare look at it directly. Then she did look. Its size still disconcerted her - and yet it moved her. The fact that it was big and hard because of her made her proud.

His fingers played with her nipples, and he kissed her mouth, kissed her neck. She moaned. "Willow, may I touch you?"

"Yes...I want you to."

He eased her onto her back. His eyes on her were so soft. One hand flickering across her nipple, he reached between her legs, and she gasped. "I love you," he said.

"I love you, too," she managed to say as his fingers made delicious circles on her. She let her eyes close. She spread her legs for him, for his hand that was the whole world.

When he pressed a finger to her opening, she tensed up and opened her eyes.

He gazed down at her. "Sweetheart, try to relax. I'm not going to hurt you."

She took a shaky deep breath. He pushed his finger inside her. His big hand rubbed her, and his finger moved in and out. "Feels nice," she sighed.

"I'm hoping it's going to feel rather better than nice." Soon it did, much better. If he stopped, she would die, but he didn't, he kept going, just like that, just like that, and it was so much better than nice...

"Giles, I'm gonna..." She threw her head back, and pleasure blossomed violently in her.

When it ebbed, she looked at him, gently smiling. "My sweet darling," he whispered and bent to kiss her.

She put her arms around his neck and kissed him languorously. "That felt so good, Giles."

"I'm so glad."

He was still hard. "You must be...wanting to do that, too."

"I don't have to. Not if you aren't ready."

"I want to," she said. "Show me what you like."

He lay on his back, and she moved onto her side. He took her hand and placed it on him. The skin was smooth, and the tip was silky wet. He moved her hand up and down his length, paying particular attention to the head. Then he withdrew his hand.

She liked the feel of him. She loved how she could make his breath quicken, could make him moan when she squeezed him. She moved her hand faster.

"Yes..." he breathed.

She watched his face grow more and more agitated, watched him grow even larger in her hand. His head moved from side to side on the pillow as she stroked him fast and hard.

Giles cried out and spurted hot wetness on her hand, on his stomach. She felt such a surge of power - the power to give the man she loved immense pleasure.

He reached for a tissue on the nightstand, but she relished the wetness on her hand, a badge of honor. He wiped her clean, then himself. He pulled her close. "That felt so wonderful," he said and kissed her. "I love you, Willow."

"Giles, I love you." After wanting him for so long, this release felt like such grace, and such a relief, too. She gazed into his eyes. How she loved them, their indescribable shade of green. How she loved the way he looked at her. "Do you really think I'm exquisite?"

His rapt expression was her answer. He traced the line of her hip with his fingers. His eyelids began to droop.

"You look adorable when you're sleepy," she said, and kissed him. "I'm sleepy, too," she added, snuggling closer. They dozed off in each other's arms.

When they woke awhile later, they drank cold tea and ate cold toast, and grinned at each other.

He drove her home, and stopped the car a couple of blocks from her house so he could kiss the breath out of her. "Oh no," she said, "now I want you again."

He chuckled. "You may have me anytime you like."

"I wish I never had to leave you," she said.

"Someday..." he said, and held her tight.

***

Her phone started to ring the minute she walked into her bedroom. "Where've you been, Will? I've been calling you for a couple hours."

"Sorry, Buff. I was...taking a nap. You know, after being taken over by the...what's it called?"

"The mother bezoar," Buffy said helpfully.

"Right. Anyway, it took a lot out of me." She felt lousy for lying - but what was she going to say, I was busy giving Giles a handjob? Besides, it wasn't a complete lie - they had taken a nap. A half-naked, post-orgasmic kind of a nap, but still.

"So how are you, Buffy? It seemed like your mom was giving you a hard time."

"I'm so grounded. Plus Dawn's being supremely annoying. But I'm gonna see Angel tonight. He's going to come to me via the window, since I can't leave the house."

"That's pretty sneaky. Duplicity, thy name is Buffy." Pot, kettle, black, Willow thought. Yet when she thought about what had happened tonight, she knew it was completely worth it.

***

4

"Once you get to a certain point," Buffy said, "seizing is sort of inevitable."

"Wow," Willow said. "Wow." Then the bell rang.

They got up from the bench and walked together on the lawn. It sounded like Buffy was really going to have sex with Angel. Willow wondered if they'd done anything besides kiss, but it didn't sound like they had. It was hard to believe she was now more experienced than Buffy - what with all the things she and Giles had been doing in his bed every chance they got. She wished she could tell Buffy that her virginity loss was probably imminent as well. Instead she just said "Wow" again.

It was Buffy's birthday tomorrow. Everything seemed so exciting, and even simple - though Buffy's boyfriend was a vampire and hers was a secret. But Buffy and Angel loved each other, and so did she and Giles, and that made it simple. She was happy for Buffy, and for herself.

***

But then there was that business with the arm in the box at the surprise party, and things went downhill from there - way downhill. At first it seemed like Angel would have to leave town for a long time, and then he went missing, and Buffy was freaked.

Then, amid their research on the Judge, Willow turned a corner in the stacks and found Xander locking lips with Cordelia. Apparently she and Giles weren't the only ones with a secret. She just stood there, stunned.

They turned and saw her. "Willow..." Xander said.

"No," she said, "it's okay." She turned and walked out.

A few moments later, Xander followed her into the hall. "You really okay, Will?"

She nodded. Although, she thought, Cordelia? Eeeuwww.

He looked almost hurt. "I thought you might be more upset."

She would've been, if not for Giles. She would always love Xander, but any romantic feelings for him were long gone.

"Why aren't you freaked?" Xander asked. "I mean, I'm glad you're not. Or are you really freaked, and you're hiding it from me? Because you can tell me. We're best friends."

"What, do you want me to be freaked? I'm not happy it's Cordelia. But it's really not my business."

"It is that Oz guy? Is that why you're less freaked?" His dark eyes, that she used to find irresistible, searched her face. "I can tell he likes you - but I didn't get the feeling you were interested in him."

"That would be none of your business," Willow said.

Xander seemed oddly bereft. "Well," he said, "I'm glad you're okay with it."

How she wished she could tell him the truth - that she was in love with someone who loved her back. How she wished he could be happy for her, not flip out over who it was.

"Guess we better get back to work," she said. He nodded with a wounded look.

***

Not long after that, Angel had her by the throat.

Her life was flashing before her eyes, Xander and Buffy and Miss Calendar all trying to help her - although what was Miss Calendar doing here, and where was Giles? And in the midst of all this, Angel sniffed her neck, twice. Then he smiled at her, a truly terrifying smile. "Isn't that interesting?"

"What?" she squeaked.

"They don't know, do they?" He guffawed. "Don't know why I never noticed before. Maybe the soul blunted my senses. God, it's so obvious." He bent his head and sniffed her hair, her mouth. He tightened his grip on her throat. "He's all over you, little girl."

In that moment, she didn't care who heard. She might be about to die, and it all fell away. She was even glad that someone knew. She wanted everyone to know.

"Leave Willow alone, and deal with me," Buffy said. Next thing she knew, he'd let her go, and she was gasping for breath. No one seemed to have heard what Angel said.

It was all she could do, when they went into the library, not to throw herself into Giles's arms. When they told him what had happened, he went pale and put his hands on her shoulders. "Are you all right?" She nodded. For a moment she couldn't speak - if she did, she would start to cry. He gripped her shoulders, he gazed into her eyes. She glanced at everyone else. How could they not see?

But of course, they all had bigger fish to fry right now. "Some event must have triggered his transformation," Giles said. "If anyone would know, Buffy, it should be you." Willow saw Buffy's stricken face. She'd seized the day all right, and the sun had gone out.

Giles called after her as she ran from the library, but Willow turned to him and shook her head, and he fell silent. She didn't think he'd figured it out yet. When it came to Buffy, he could be pretty clueless at times.

***

Xander had some plan to deal with the Judge. "I think I need Cordelia for this one." His eyes flickered over Willow.

She found herself saying, "I'll get Oz. He has a van." She saw Giles flinch. Could she be any more insensitive? She lingered after Xander, Cordelia, and Miss Calendar took off (and it was a bit weird that Miss Calendar was hanging around, but she probably just wanted to help).

"Sorry. I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't know why I said it. Maybe to throw Xander off track. You know, he and Cordelia are an item - and when I wasn't more upset, he wigged."

Giles just sat there and looked at her.

"Plus," she said, "Xander did say we need a bigger car."

"This isn't the time to split hairs about such things," he muttered. "We have more pressing matters."

"Are you mad at me?"

His expression softened, and he placed his hand on hers. "Willow, I'm so grateful you're all right. When I think that Angel could've hurt you..."

She felt tears welling up. "Listen, I haven't had a chance to tell you. I guess it's pretty minor, compared to Angel going evil and the Judge and all...but Angel - he knows about us." His eyes widened. "It's like he smelled you on me. He said something about it, but no one seemed to notice."

He gave a weary sigh. "As if we didn't already have enough to deal with."

"But the thing is...at the time, I just thought how stupid it was that we have to keep this a secret, when you mean more to me than anything. You know that, right? I'm completely in love with you. Xander, Oz - they're friends. It's just you, Giles."

He squeezed her hand, and his eyes glistened. "I love you. And I trust you. Go get Oz. We need all the help we can get."

***

"So," Oz said, "you and Giles?"

She was in Oz's van, outside the armory. "What about me and Giles?" God, did everybody know?

He gave her the tiniest of smiles. Oz had a nice smile, gentle yet ironic. "Don't worry," he said, "I won't tell anyone."

She realized then that she'd been holding her breath. She exhaled. "How'd you know?"

His gaze on her was steady. "I like you. So I pay attention. It's pretty obvious."

For some reason, that pleased her as much as it alarmed her. "You don't think the others know, do you?"

He shook his head. "They're too close to see it."

Just then it dawned on her that he'd said he liked her. He'd been the other Willow's first boyfriend, and she could feel something between them. Nothing was going to happen, but she felt it.

"Thanks," she said.

His brow scrunched. "For what?"

"For telling me. For keeping the secret. It's kinda nice to have one of my friends know about it, and not be all judgmental."

He nodded slightly. Then he looked past her, out the van window. "We're up."

***

Driving back to his house, Giles felt exhausted. He'd driven a distraught Buffy home and tried to say the right things to her. His mind was spinning. Angel was evil again, and Jenny, as it turned out, was a gypsy spy. At least the Judge was dead.

When he walked up to his front door, he found her sitting there waiting for him. His exhaustion lifted.

"How's Buffy?" Willow asked.

"Very upset...understandably." He helped her to her feet. "You shouldn't be out alone - it's too dangerous. Especially with Angel on the loose."

She held up a large wooden cross. "Here I am, your everyday run-of-the-mill Jewish girl with a crucifix."

He smiled. "A most extraordinary Jewish girl with a crucifix."

"I needed to be with you tonight," she said.

"I'm so glad you're here." He unlocked the door. When they stepped inside, she dropped her backpack on the floor and was in his arms before he could turn on the light. "I've wanted so much to hold you," he said. Then he did turn on the light. "How long can you stay?"

"How about all night?" She smiled up at him - a smile full of resolve. She was wearing overalls, and her hair was in braids. She looked just like the other Willow had, the day she arrived in his library.

He remembered how the older Willow said she couldn't stay the night with him. She wouldn't take the risk, for fear of causing trouble for this girl. But this girl was more than willing to take the risk, and it touched him deeply. "But Willow..."

"I brought a change of clothes. I already told my mom I might be studying all night again. Not that she particularly pays attention to what I say. The point is, I want to be with you tonight, Giles."

He stared at her. "You mean...?"

She nodded.

"But surely this is rather odd timing, given Buffy's..."

"Given what just happened with Buffy and Angel? I trust you, Giles. Assuming there are no stray gypsy curses on you, I think we'll be just fine." She hugged him. "Life is too short. I don't want to wait anymore to be with you."

All the horrors of the day receded. She felt so sweet in his arms. "You're sure?"

"I am."

***

They were naked on his bed, kissing. She'd unbraided her hair, and he stroked it, stroked her body. "You're so beautiful," he murmured. "Willow, I need you." It was so good to be able to say it, to acknowledge how much he'd ached for her.

"I need you, too," she whispered. The words went like a shock through him, and he crushed his mouth against hers.

First he made her come with his hand. He loved how she moaned for him, how wet she got. He loved to feel her contracting around his finger. He loved the relaxed, sensual smile she wore afterwards.

He got a condom from the bedside table, as he knew she hadn't been on the Pill long enough. She watched him put it on, a bit shyly, but with her usual curiosity. "I still find it hard to believe it could possibly fit inside me."

"Believe me, sweetheart, this will very likely be the last time you ever wish me smaller."

The notion seemed to tickle her. "You mean I'll be all insatiable?"

He chuckled. "Something like that."

"I think I like the sound of that." It didn't sound half bad to him, either. He kissed her neck. "Giles, I'm nervous."

He put his arms around her. "We don't have to do this, if you're not ready."

"But I want to," she said. "No more waiting."

They kissed. Slowly, kissing her all the while, he got on top of her. Her arms went round him. But when he began to guide himself in, she tensed.

"Relax," he murmured. "I can't say this won't hurt, but I'll be as gentle as I can. Just tell me if you need me to stop."

She nodded, and he pushed in, just a little. Her face looked very set and still. He moved slowly inside her, trying not to go too deep, trying not to hurt her. She whimpered, and he stopped. "No," she said, "keep going. I want you to."

"But I don't want to hurt you."

"It's okay. I want to do this."

He began to move again. It was like heaven to be inside her. It was the same as that other time, with the other Willow, yet so different. As he stared into her eyes, he loved her completely, and he knew she loved him, knew she felt sure of his love, nervous though she was. He felt himself melting into her, his body, his soul.

"Willow, are you all right?" he whispered.

"Giles," she breathed, "I feel...so close to you."

"I love you so much..." He was pushing in deeper now, moving faster. It was building, deep inside him, the pleasure, his love for her, they were one and the same.

"I love you," she said, her arms around him. "Giles, I love you."

"Oh god, Willow..." It overtook him, and he shuddered again and again.

When he came back to himself, she was watching him with such tenderness. She touched his face, pulled him down to kiss her.

There was blood, like that other first time - but perhaps less. He cleaned her up, like that other time, but this time he didn't need to be asked to hold her.

She rested her head on his chest. "We did it," she said, smiling up at him. "I'm so happy, Giles."

"So am I, dearest." He couldn't stop looking at her sweet face with the red hair tousled around it. "You have no idea how much I've longed for you."

"You tried to play it cool so I wouldn't feel pressured," she said. "But I could tell. I've wanted you so much, too."

"Though I must say, I'm relieved I don't have to deflower you ever again."

She gave a laugh. "That makes two of us."

It wasn't late, but the events of the past days had begun to catch up with them. He turned out the light. He stroked her hair and listened to her breathing grow slow and even. He lay smiling in the dark while she slept. There were difficult times ahead, and yet he felt utterly at peace. He slept.

***

She woke as the darkness began to pale, and then it was like her birthday, the excitement of waking up beside Giles. They had shifted in their sleep so that he lay on his side, facing her back. She turned onto her back so she could watch him as it grew light. He looked so peaceful - happy, even - and so vulnerable in sleep that she felt protective of him. He was beautiful, and she loved him so much, she could barely contain it. And she wasn't a virgin anymore, and that made her even happier.

He sighed and turned onto his back. She nestled in the crook of his shoulder - moving slowly, so as not to wake him, though really she kind of wanted to. His eyelids fluttered, and his arm crept round her, but he went back to sleep. She buried her face in his chest and lay there, feeling warm and loved.

After awhile, he stirred and opened his eyes. When he saw her, his face lit with joy.

"Morning," she said.

"Good morning." He smiled that glorious smile of his and drew her into a kiss.

"So - still have your soul, I presume?" she asked.

"Ah, Willow," he said, and kissed her again, "if anything, I've regained it being with you."

She snuggled closer. "This is what Buffy should've had - waking up the next morning with her lover. It almost makes me feel guilty to be so happy." She kissed him. "But it also makes me feel even luckier, to have what we have."

"I love you, I love you," he said, and their kisses grew more urgent. She wanted him. She always wanted him.

***

They had made love side by side, facing each other. They had rested. Now they were in Giles's rather small shower. Willow loved how small the shower was. She was in love with Giles's wet skin - she had to be touching it and kissing it and rubbing up against him with her own wet body. His hands were all over her, too, and then his cock was rising again, and her hand was on it.

"You're going to wear me out," he said with a laugh.

"Got a problem with that?" She stroked him.

"None whatsoever. I'd like nothing better than to spend the entire day in bed with you."

"The whole week," she said, and squeezed him to punctuate the sentiment. He closed his eyes and let out a moan. She grinned. She was good at this.

He stilled her hand with his. "But as we can't," he said, "it would look awfully suspicious if both of us were late for school today."

"Then we'd better hurry up," she said, and squeezed him again.

He regarded her with astonishment. Then he smiled. "Somehow I'm unable to fault your logic." He removed his hand and let her have her way with him. She stroked him fast and hard until he spurted loops of white that went on down the drain. After he caught his breath, they hurriedly finished their ablutions.

Giles dried her with a fluffy towel. Then she noticed that he seemed to be concentrating on drying the area between her legs. After a minute or two of rubbing her, he pulled away the towel and put his hand there. "Still wet," he said. "In fact, it seems even wetter than before. I'd better rub it a little harder."

"Oh god," she gasped as he redoubled his efforts with the towel. She clutched at him so she wouldn't fall over.

"Maybe I should check again," he said, "to see if you're dry yet."

"Don't you dare stop..." she muttered, her fingers digging into his arms. His downright wicked smile as he rubbed her sent her over the edge.

Both of them weak-kneed, they dressed and went downstairs to breakfast on Weetabix.

Bespectacled again, he gazed at her as he chewed his cereal. "I've been thinking," he said. "I don't want you waiting outside in the dark again. It's too dangerous."

She felt a twinge. "Okay, but..."

He smiled. "I'd like to give you a key."

"Really?"

"And if you want to leave some things here...clothes, whatever you need..."

Her spoon clattered into the bowl. She threw her arms around him. "Giles, I love you, I love you." So lucky, she thought. I'm so lucky. How she wished Buffy could've been lucky too.

***

5

"It's good to get the fruit while it's fresh," said the man with the big gun, looking from Giles to Buffy.

"You'd be wise to take that back," Giles said. Good instincts, wrong girl, he thought. If he weren't out werewolf hunting with the Slayer, he'd likely be bringing Willow to a tumultuous orgasm right about now.

"Hey, what a man and a girl do in lovers' lane at night is nobody's - "

"Enough, repulsive brain," Buffy said, and for a moment Giles thought she was speaking to him, not the hunter. He could only imagine how repulsive she would find him if and when she found out what he'd been up to.

***

The next night, he and Buffy managed to capture the werewolf in the woods, before that pillock Cain could kill it. They brought the creature, heavily tranked, to the library and put him in the book cage. At sunrise, the fearsome creature reverted to human form.

"My god," Buffy said, "it's Oz." She averted her eyes. "And hey, nudity..."

"Poor fellow," Giles murmured. He opened the cage and draped a blanket over the slight figure. Poor fellow, he thought, you've lost Willow without even knowing she was supposed to be yours, and now you've lost any chance of having a normal life - well, whatever passes for normal on the Hellmouth.

"And here I thought Willow was missing a bet, not dating him," Buffy said. "Now I'm pretty glad she didn't."

"So am I," Giles said without thinking. He really needed to watch what he said when sleep-deprived.

Buffy glanced at him, but seemed to think nothing of it.

"Why don't you go on home," Giles said. "I'll talk to Oz when he awakens."

The older Willow had certainly never mentioned that her first real boyfriend was a werewolf. It seemed unlikely she hadn't known - although he supposed it was possible that in her reality, he wasn't one.

Well, he thought, as he waited for Oz to wake up, I may be much too old for Willow, but at least I'm not a werewolf. Still, he vowed to help the boy adjust to his new circumstances. Willow had told him that Oz had figured out they were involved, but had promised not to divulge their secret. Giles owed him for that.

When the boy awoke, he took in the situation with surprising grace. Wrapped in the blanket, he emerged from the cage, and Giles told him what had happened.

"That explains a lot," Oz said. "I've been losing time, waking up in strange places. Thought maybe I was going crazy...I guess crazy would be an improvement."

"So long as you lock yourself up the three nights a month, you should be able to lead your life relatively unchanged." That was hardly likely, but he didn't want to alarm him any more than he probably was. "You can use the book cage, if you like. We'll make sure you're all right."

Oz fixed him with a canny stare. "You're not helping me because you're afraid I'll tell about you and Willow? Because I won't, whether you help me or not."

Giles cleared his throat. "I appreciate that. And I'm grateful for your discretion. But I'm not trying to...buy your silence, as it were. I simply want to help." There was nothing simple about any of this. How would Oz react if he knew that Giles had in effect stolen his girlfriend?

"Thanks," Oz said. And then, as if he'd read his mind, he added, "You're a lucky guy."

Giles ducked his head. "I'm well aware of that." They lapsed into an awkward silence.

"So," Oz said, "maybe you could help me find some clothes?"

***

"Poor Oz," Willow said when they talked about it later.

"You like him, don't you?" Giles asked.

"He's nice. I can see how..." She trailed off.

"How you could've been involved with him?" She was silent. "It's all right - I just want to know."

"Giles, the older Willow dated Oz, and other people. Maybe they were all pretty terrific - but she ended up marrying you." She smiled. "The way I see it, I got to skip to the best part."

"Ah, you're so sweet, so good to me," he murmured, and kissed her.

Then, apropos of nothing, she said, "Valentine's Day is coming up."

"Valentine's Day?" He kissed her again. They were in their secluded place in the stacks - although, now that they were sleeping together, this semi-public spot had become rather an exercise in frustration. At least it was for him, uncomfortably hard half the time and longing to be inside her. Still, it was a joy to be with her, any way he could.

"It's just that, aside from little kid stuff, I've never had anyone to be my valentine before. Not that you have to be, if you think it's stupid or too commercialized or something." She looked up at him with those enormous, beautiful eyes.

"I don't think it's stupid at all, if it will make you happy," he said, racking his brain for what he could give her as a Valentine's present. He couldn't give her jewelry or anything like that, because she wouldn't be able to wear it in public.

On Valentine's evening, they sat together on his couch, and she handed him a red envelope. There was an anxious little crinkle between her eyes as he opened it. The card was an old-fashioned looking valentine - a heart bordered in roses. "You think it's silly," she said. "I wanted to find a more, well, masculine card, but this one seemed appropriate somehow."

He glanced at her. "Because I hail from the 19th century?" he asked, quirking a smile, and she slapped his arm. He opened the card, and read what she'd written: To Giles - I love you, Willow. She'd said the words to him dozens upon dozens of times, but he'd never seen them written down before. He found himself getting misty-eyed.

"Do you like it?" When he looked up at her, he felt quite overcome.

"I like it very much," he managed to say, and kissed her. He had certainly turned into quite the old sap, but it felt rather wonderful. "And this is for you." He gave her the book, wrapped in red paper.

As she undid the wrapping, he suddenly feared it wouldn't be the kind of gift she'd had in mind - but when he saw her face, he knew it was. "The poems of John Donne...Giles, it's beautiful."

"It was my father's," he said, and her mouth fell open.

"You even inscribed it...your father's book..." True, it wasn't like him to actually write in a book, much less an old and prized one, but he had written: To Willow, with all my love, RG. "Giles, I love it. I love you..."

They read poems to each other - something else he doubtless would have found maudlin in the past, but now it seemed exactly right. Besides, it made a nice change from reading aloud from occult texts and hacked medical files. "'Love's mysteries in souls do grow,'" Giles read, "'But yet the body is his book,'" and Willow leaned forward and kissed his mouth. They put John Donne aside for a while.

***

Then, one night, the bottom dropped out. Giles was at home, and the phone rang. It was Willow, and she was crying. "Dearest, what's the matter?"

"It's Xander!" she wailed.

Oh, no. "Has something happened to him?" Had Angel gotten to him?

"He won't love me!" She burst into fresh sobs.

Giles had to sit down. Luckily the couch was under him or he would've hit the floor. "What?"

"I love him so much, but he won't love me back. It's horrible!"

"Quite...horrible." The room seemed to be spinning, or perhaps he was. "Willow, please tell me what is going on. You and Xander are just friends. You're always telling me..."

"It's because he won't love me!" she cried. "I want so much for us to be more than friends."

"But I love you," he said. "I love you, Willow." He said it again and again, as if surely it would produce the response it always had in the past. Instead, she just kept crying. "But we were happy," he said. "I've never felt so sure of anyone. When I gave you the key to my house, you were so pleased. Don't you remember?"

"It was nice between us," she said, sniffling. "But you're not Xander. It's always been Xander - you know that."

"Yes, I guess I always did." It was beginning to dawn on him that it was really over. He would never hold her again, never make love to her. She no longer loved him, if she ever did.

When they hung up, he sat in a daze. Perhaps he had been meant to wait until she was older, and in his haste he'd lost her. The other Giles had married her, but he, he had shared with her a brief perfection - and now she'd moved on, as teenagers did. What had he expected?

He poured some Scotch. He sat and stared at the valentine she'd given him, the words she'd written - tangible proof, along with the few items of clothing and toiletries she'd left here, that the past months had not been a mirage. The more he drank, the more he thought he could hear Ethan laughing at him. Serves you right for behaving like a sentimental fool, he jeered. Valentines, love poems - did you really think any of that was real? Did you really think it could be yours?

***

The next day his head hurt and his stomach roiled, but that was a welcome distraction from the utter desolation he felt. He stayed in the library all day, trying to concentrate on work. For the first time since all of this had begun, Willow did not come to visit him. He remembered her kisses in the stacks, how sweetly she entered his arms, how she said his name. He wished he had stashed some whiskey in his office.

When Xander came into the library, it was all Giles could do not to go for his throat. Then Xander confessed what he had done, he and Amy Madison, who apparently was already following in her mother's footsteps. It took a moment to sink in: Willow was under a spell.

The possibility should have occurred to him, except that would have seemed like reaching, like denial. It had seemed inevitable that Willow would grow tired of him, would want a boy her own age.

"I cannot believe that you are fool enough to do something like this," Giles said. He couldn't help but still feel jealous of Xander. Willow had loved him for a long time before she'd even met Giles, and for quite awhile after she had.

He went to try and find Amy, to no avail - and when he returned, Amy had turned Buffy into a rat. Giles's head ached rather a lot.

He lashed out at Xander. "Get out of my sight!" The boy's face fell, and Giles regretted his words. Yet, in spite of the severity of the situation - all the women of Sunnydale deranged by a love spell, Buffy scampering through the school somewhere in rat form - he couldn't stop thinking of the fact that Willow hadn't fallen out of love with him after all. And he was going to get her back.

***

When he and Amy had reversed the rat spell and the love spell, he tried to phone Willow from school, but she didn't answer. He went home, took some aspirin, and stretched out on the couch. Even though the spells had been reversed, he still feared that Willow's feelings for him had been irrevocably changed.

There was a knock at the door, and he got up. She stood in the doorway, red-eyed. "Giles, I'm so sorry!" she cried and threw her arms around him. He felt a flash of anger - you said you loved Xander - and then it was gone, and he closed his eyes in the bliss of her holding him, loving him again.

He let her inside and shut the door. "You know it was a spell, don't you?" she asked. "You know I really love you?"

"I know," he said, smoothing her hair - but his voice shook.

She gazed up at him, her eyes so contrite. "Those things I said to you...I'm so sorry I hurt you..."

"Shh," he said. "That's over." He kissed her.

They barely made it upstairs. She was more passionate than ever - as if she wanted to prove to him, prove on his body, how she felt. She pushed him down on the bed, unbuttoned his shirt. She kissed his chest, licked his nipples.

He lifted her off him and unzipped his trousers. They tore off each other's clothes, he pushed her down on the bed and pushed into her. "I was so afraid we'd never do this again," he muttered, fucking her hard.

"We're going to do this lots," she said, clutching his back, his ass, pulling him into her.

Then she was moving on top of him, kissing his mouth, his neck, sucking his nipples, grinding on him until she clenched around him, crying out his name. "Oh, darling," he gasped, thrusting up hard, his arms tight around her. He came with a shout.

When they lay in each other's arms afterwards, she couldn't stop staring at him, touching his face, as if he might not be real. "When the spell was lifted, and I remembered how things really are, I was so happy," she said. "It was awful before - when I was under the spell, and before the spell, too. I mean, before you and me, when I kept hoping Xander would look at me the way you do." She kissed him. "I'm so glad it's you, Giles."

They went downstairs, and he opened a can of soup. She kept looking around the place with wonder. "I love this place," she said. "I love this couch. I love this pretty lamp. I love those stairs that go up to the bedroom. I love this vegetable soup you made."

He looked up from his bowl. "Darling, all I did was heat up the soup. You really don't have to overcompensate because of what happened. After all, it wasn't your fault."

She shook her head. "I'm not overcompensating! It's like I've woken up from a bad dream where none of this was real, none of this was mine."

"It is yours," he said, "all of it. I'm so glad you still want it."

***

The next day, Xander looked sheepish, and Willow wasn't speaking to him. It still irked Giles to see the boy. That afternoon he passed Xander in the hall, and a flare of resentment went through him, though he tried to wear an even expression. Shortly thereafter, Willow joined him in the stacks, and between his happiness at having her back, and his residual jealousy of Xander, he let himself lose control. When her kisses had their usual effect on him, he shoved her against the shelves and began humping her.

"Giles..." she breathed. He bent his knees so he could grind his cock against her in just the right spot. Then he reached between her legs. "Oh god," she whispered, trembling. He brought her off amid the books and dust, his mouth on hers keeping her from crying out.

When he unzipped, her eyes widened. "What if someone comes back here?" He raised his eyebrows. "Okay," she said, face rosy from orgasm, "I walked right into that pun, didn't I?"

He lifted her skirt, yanked down her stockings and panties. He thrust inside. It was a difficult position, since she was so much shorter than him, but he didn't care, he needed her right now. He wished everyone in the school would barge in and see what he was doing to her. "Want bloody Xander to get an eyeful," he grunted, "and see how stupid he is not to want you."

"Oh, I like it when you're like this," she whispered.

He was pretty close to coming, when - "Where's Giles? I actually need a book." Cordelia.

"Don't know." Xander. "And have you seen Willow? I really need to try and work things out with her."

They froze, trying not to breathe. His cock got even stiffer, though honestly he didn't want that little scenario of his to come true.

"Giles?" Cordelia called.

"He's not here. Let's go."

Their footsteps faded. Giles pulled out and moved aside so Willow could adjust her clothes.

"Wait," she whispered, her eyes taking him in admiringly. "I'm not going to leave you like this." To his astonishment, she pushed him against the shelves, and she knelt. She took him in her mouth. He gasped. She was still relatively new to this, but she clearly loved pleasing him, and that excited him as much as what she was doing with her lips and tongue. She worked the length of him with her hand, and looked up. "I want you to imagine that they're all watching," she whispered. "They can all see how much I love you." She mouthed him again. God, she knew him awfully well. Her mouth was hot and wet, surrounding him. His hands moved in her hair. Biting his lip to keep from moaning, he let go.

He helped her to her feet. "You know," she said, as he zipped up, "I think doing it in the library is extra sexy. Maybe because I think books are."

He gave a laugh. "We really are awfully well-matched."

"Darn tootin'. Besides," she added, "'Love's mysteries in souls do grow, But yet the body is his book.'" She grinned. He shook his head. He was the most fortunate man alive.

***

 

 

Next

Back to Gwynnega's Stories